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Herpes is really just another lesson in life ...


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Hi everyone,

I just found this site and love the positive vibe it has ... I had my first herpes outbreak about 5 months ago. (I took a responsible risk with a herpes-positive man who I I thought was "the one," but we broke up due to other circumstances and are still friends.) I was, like everyone, devastated and couldn't stop crying. I wondered if anyone would want me again.

 

ONLY I knew it would pass because I also have genital warts, which I contracted from my unfaithful husband 25 years ago (left him 7 years ago after another cheating drama!). I learned to accept that over time and now I am two for one ... It's taken these 5 months to be able to say that and not cry! I had the genital warts burned off originally. They never came back until my first HSV2 outbreak. So it felt like double whammy. How could anyone want me with two incurable STI's???

Well, 5 months down the track, and I have had a short relationship with a man who is also herpes-positive, and we broke up at christmas ... and I have had the herpes talk with several others who I have dated or are friends with. All have been positive and appreciated my courage and honesty. I have chosen not to be sexual with anyone (hard to even think of with so many outbreaks!) and instead work on building my immunity and accepting this virus. So I am eating super healthy, taking supplements, meditating, exercising — and while it doesn't seem to be helping physically yet, it is helping emotionally.  I am connecting with friends on a deeper level with disclosing this and am committing myself to living with both viruses the best way I can with the best attitude. I would rather others see me as an inspiration than drag them down with a constant pity party ... and it's working! I feel better about myself and others are inspired. 

The moral of my story: yeah, it sucks having these viruses, but they are just another lesson in learning to connect with myself and others at a deeper level.  A big hug to everyone new — it feels awful and I felt that way too — but how you feel months down the track is not about herpes, it's about you. Be an inspiration to others and your self esteem will blossom. 
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I love your viewpoint, lelani. You ARE inspiring. By loving yourself, you provide an openness for others to do the same, especially when they have somehow convinced themselves that they're unlovable. Let's put our energy into this instead of the negativity of worry and shame. That's the decision point: focusing on what's lovable in us or focusing on what's not. Whatever gets focused on expands. And it convinces others of the same.

 

Looking forward to having you be a part of (h) group! Can you make it to the next one? Something tells me you'll be an inspiration there, too. ;) Feels good to have you be a part of what we are doing here, lelani. 

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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I love your confidence and self empowerment lelani! Wow, you are so amazing and such an inspiration to other people. Thank you for posting such a beautiful message about this, a message that so many people need to hear. I would say I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships, but it doesn't really sound like you need it. Although you said your physical symptoms haven't gone away yet, keep a positive mindset! I believe that your mindset and feelings are as powerful as any kind of medicine to cure any physical symptoms; I'm sure soon your body will soon be reaping the benefits of all of your self-love and positivity :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
"The moral of my story: yeah, it sucks having these viruses, but they are just another lesson in learning to connect with myself and others at a deeper level. A big hug to everyone new — it feels awful and I felt that way too — but how you feel months down the track is not about herpes, it's about you. Be an inspiration to others and your self esteem will blossom. "Lelani, I just love this final "moral of the story." My mantra the last couple of months is "this too shall pass."  This means the good will pass, the bad will pass, it all passes, time heals and rejuvenates the soul and I think we can all find some comfort in that.  I'm learning about starting over myself. I was with the only person I have ever been in love with for almost 2 years.  He also had H. So after all this time of not even thinking about my H, now I do.


Now I'm faced with being "out there" again, as you are. Out there with all the people who aren't positive, and all those that are, and trying to decide which direction to go in. It can be very daunting.  But on the days its hard, I remind myself this too shall pass, and on the days that it is good I revel in them, allow them to quiet my heart and use them as a source of strength when another hiccup comes. 


Thank you for being candid and honest, and most of all POSITIVE (no pun intended). It is refreshing.


All my support,

Elle


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you are so right Elle...the awful times pass and there are always wonderful things around the corner. From wondering how anyone would want me again I have just spent another afternoon with my recently returned ex lover (I didn't have H when we were together) , who accepts and loves being with me - we are not each others 'one', we just enjoy each other and are lucky enough to be able to spend some time together before he goes overseas . He is teaching me to enjoy my body again and feel ok about having H - for that reason he will always be special to me. I accepted H in a boyfriend and got it, now someone is accepting me - we are out there...people who are not afraid, who take worthwhile risks and truly love. And those who cannot be like this aren't worth having in your life H or no H - H just weeds them out quicker!

 

All my support back elle :-)

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  • 1 month later...

I am new and just found out I have both hsv 1 and 2 .....The problem is I've been celebate for three years now and have never had a symptom....WTH my doctor was very nonchalant and said he would not prescribe me anything until I have a break out...what abt asymptomatic shedding and I don't plan on being celebate forever...I know this virus is widespread amongst black woman and as a black woman I can hardly see any black man wanting me at this point....Never had a fever blister/cold sore nothing

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Hey MileyK, first off, that's insane that your doc won't prescribe you medication. You're right about asymptomatic shedding. Taking suppressive therapy cuts down on that tremendously. I'd go to a different doctor ... one that's more knowledgeable about the basics of this sort of thing. 

 

Second, please don't fall into the trap of feeling like no one is going to want you. And yes, 48% of black women 14-49 years old has HSV2. You're nearly in the majority! ;) It's an easy trap to fall into, feeling like no one will want you, but that could easily turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy by you making that true. There are plenty of people out there where a herpes diagnosis doesn't phase them (my girlfriend, for one), and by assuming no one will want you, you're essentially pre-rejecting yourself from all those guys out there who'd love to be with you. 

 

Hang in there. I know it's rough at the beginning, but eventually you'll realize that it's not the big deal that we hear that it is. It's only a big deal if you make it one. 

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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  • 1 month later...

Interesting article. Thanks for sharing, healing! I agree that it's a good idea to keep a watchful eye over what numbers are given to us and how those numbers are obtained. And unfortunately I don't think the CDC will ever see this as an epidemic, regardless of how many people have herpes because it doesn't have any long-term negative health effects. I wonder what they would come up with if they did a current, more full-fledged study, but alas the money to fund such an undertaking simply isn't there for herpes research. Double-edged sword: Health community is convinced it's not a big deal (at all) and yet our society's stigma around herpes tells us it's a huge deal. Sad, unfair paradox if you ask me.

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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