up until now ive been positive through it all...

[makeitrightandbright]

Today has been a bad day for me. Im feeling anxious, depressed, stressed. I cant get myself out of this funk. I was diagnosed hsv2 positive on june 23rd through a swab test because i was having issues down below. My first outbreak is just now clearing up (with valtrex) but it was the nightmare type of outbreak. Fever, chills, headache the whole list of symptoms i had. I have a boyfriend who ive been with for almost 7 years, he had the igg test done and is negative. I feel like with time he couldnt possibly want to stay with me. I feel so alone right now. I dont know how this happened to me. I know i shouldnt complain because ive done great the past couple weeks dealing with this. I guess today mentally isnt a good day. In the beginning i didnt want to live. I felt like i didnt deserve anything good in life anymore. I have myself thinking that things arent as positive as i make them. Herpes is the ONLY thing in my mind allday everyday. Im tired of feeling like this. Sorry for the whining, i just need to vent to anyone that will hear me.

[mandymoon]

Hi hun. I was there once too as a "newbie" it is all normal. Vent all you want. I'll be a year in this month and I'm at a place I never thought I would be because everyone would say the same thing and I was like no way I won't be the same are you crazy? But sad part is people lose themselves because we are who we've had always been. Get it all out the sooner your in touch with those feelings the quicker it will die down at your own pace of course. And the obs will get fewer and less intense. Just listen to your body more than before. And the stigma is whats worse sadly we were there too we got the shit end of the stick yes I myself get sucked into it reading comments and jokes about it everytime sex is brought up, but im learning people will be shitty as always and will always have opinions especially if they themselves are unhappy. but were proof that we got this and that we are alive well and best of all us. Time will heal all.

[makeitrightandbright]

Its going to sound odd but i am seriously scared of my next outbreak. Ive read that it can come on soon after the first, and if it is even close to how the first one was then i dont know how i will be able to even function at work normally! :'( i keep thinking to myself "i dont deserve this!!". Many years ago i would sleep around alot, so maybe i do deserve this. I have friends right now that are having sex with so many different people, so i think to myself "why not them?!". Then i feel like this is punishment for other things ive done in the past. Im 25 years old and i feel like my life is ruined forever. Im hopeing so much that with time this isnt going to matter to me anymore. I know there are so many worse things in life so i sound like a whiney little bitch!! I hope noone thinks that about me! This is just hard dealing with right now.

[Anna01]

Hey :) If it makes you feel any better, I am 26 and I just found out June 25th. Mine was a classic case of someone not being honest with me. We were in a committed relationship and he kept it hidden the whole time. I am sorry you also tested positive for H. But like you said, it is not so bad. Life goes on. We just need to be more careful now. There is nothing wrong with that. If I were you I would try to just relax and breathe...accept the situation. Do not feel like a victim because it is life...s*** happens. You and me are in the same boat. I never thought this would happen to me but it did and I can handle it. So can you.

 

Don't worry your head about other people and what their situation is. The reality is that it is extremely possible for your friends to have this as well but they haven't shown symptoms. Out of sight, out of mind right. Embrace this new part of your life. There is no need for shame, self pitty or fear. These feelings will come and we deal with it but then move on. Focus on what you need to do in life to make you happy. Don't fear your boyfriend leaving you. If he does, it is for the best. You deserve unconditional love. So long story short...I am right here with you girly. Don't let it get the best of you. At the end of the day it is a pesky skin rash but you still have your life and endless opportunity. You are still priceless and precious. We are in this together. I am here if you want to talk :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Its going to sound odd but i am seriously scared of my next outbreak. Ive read that it can come on soon after the first, and if it is even close to how the first one was then i dont know how i will be able to even function at work normally!

 

This is all very normal thoughts and fears for the newly diagnosed. AND. It gets better. Promise.

 

i keep thinking to myself "i dont deserve this!!". Many years ago i would sleep around alot, so maybe i do deserve this. I have friends right now that are having sex with so many different people, so i think to myself "why not them?!". Then i feel like this is punishment for other things ive done in the past. Im 25 years old and i feel like my life is ruined forever.

 

Honey... no one "deserves" Herpes. I tell people all the time: Herpes is an Equal Opportunity Virus... it don't give two shits if you are a virgin**/slut, young/old, black/white, rich/poor, whatever. The fact that the CDC doesn't include Herpes in the testing ... and thus 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it is, if anything, to blame. Because likely your "giver" didn't know they had it either. Most people get it from someone who was shedding asymptomatically. Those of us who *know* are in a way "safer" because we generally will start to take better care of ourselves and monitor those weird "rashes" and "pimples" that someone else may overlook as just normal everyday irritation.

 

And "Why not them?" ... Odds are 80% of them DO have it and, like you, just don't know it. Be THANKFUL that you know now ... because the last thing you wanted was to find out you had it because your BF came up in a primary OB from getting it from you. Now the pair of you can work to keep him safe.... and yes, for the next few months or a year you need to be extra cautious but given that we live about 4,000 weeks, having to be extra cautious for maybe 25-50 of them isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things ;)

 

Take it from an old fart (just turned 54... so I've had this for the majority of my life).... your life is FAR from over. Yes, none of us would have asked for this but it's our "normal" now and believe me, there are FAR worse "normals" to live with. Just be patient with yourself. Give yourself permission to go through the upset and anger that this has happened ...then move on. Even those who have had it have their days of wishing things were different ... but really, isn't that just part of being human???

 

**I got it from my first ever sexual experience at 17 yrs**

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6596/6-month-herp-iversary-how-i-survived-embrace-being-single-with-herpes

 

[Theoverthinker524]

I'm right there with you feeling the exact same and im only 22. Just got confirmation today that I'm positive for H. My adult life hasn't even started yet! Its all i can think about.anytime i forget about when im having fun laughing i go right back to thinking about it. Feeling like im being punished. Im not allowed to be happy or something.

[makeitrightandbright]

Thank you all for being so great and supportive and sharing your experiences and feelings with me! I hate feeling this way and its so true i do feel like im being punished and dont deserve to be happy but i need to fight through this. I guess the hardest part for me is realizing that i have no idea where this has come from. One guy ive been with most recently (other than my bf) got tested and he is negative! Im so confused. I may never know but i wish i did. My first OB was sooooo bad that my dr told me she believes i was exposed to it recently. But the 2 men ive been with more recently than anyone else dont have it! So confusing. Im so lost with this!!!

[2Legit2Quit]

@makeitrightandbright did you request to see their test results by chance? Do you, bf and last partner have an open relationship? There is always a chance they are newly infected as well and why it came up negative, but they've had no symptoms.

 

This has NOTHING to do w being promiscuous. I'm on another forum and a 19yr old virgin got this from oral sex and she was waiting for intercourse for marriage. I myself have never slept around and had gone w out sex for two yrs, when I had sex one time. Most of my friends got it from someone they were in a relationship w. Don't blame yourself.. It gets better.

[makeitrightandbright]

The other guy showed me his results and they really were negative, i was shocked. I was with my boyfriend when he picked his up, so i know his are negative too. My boyfriend and I went through a rough time so i was with the other guy a handful of times. He was having sex with another girl st the time. I honestly dont think he even knew he had it (if he does and it just isnt showing!) The only thing i can think of is that my body is just very sensitive to so many things, so maybe thats why im the only one showing symptoms! My boyfriend and i had sex 5 days before i had my first symptom. Since then we havnt done anything. The other guy had what we thought was an ingrown hair and the next day is when i had issues. He has since bad about 6 little sporadic blisters/bumps come up, but he hasnt had any other issues, and they dont hurt him. I know that seems like a confusing situation, and i was wrong for being with this guy in the first place. See its my punishment!!! :'(

[2Legit2Quit]

I'm confused by who had the blisters and if that's the same person who came up negative? If that's the case and he was sleeping w someone new, he may have been experiencing his first OB too and is why his blood test was negative. Takes 4-6 months to build antibodies after infection.

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm suspicious of the guy you say has "had what we thought was an ingrown hair and the next day is when i had issues. He has since bad about 6 little sporadic blisters/bumps come up" ... if he has a blister he needs to get it swabbed... sounds like he may have been playing around and he may be having a primary but it's just not as obvious as yours (which is why 80% of the population doesn't know they have Herpes ...because their OB's are not "obvious".... :(

[makeitrightandbright]

Thats exactly what i told him. I said "go to the doctor and have them swab it like they did for me" but he says they are so small the doctor wouldnt get anything out of it

, ok whatever!! He must think im stupid. I think he is in denial that i could be H. I did findout lastnight that the woman he was hooking up with had been with another guy too, and turns out it was just 2 weeks before the initial "ingrown hair" came up! We are tracking it down, slowly! Im a woman on a mission!!

[Anna01]

There is a huge possibility that one of them are newly H+ so it isn't showing up on a test just yet.

[makeitrightandbright]

I hope thats the case, i cant imagine ive had this for years and years. Especially since my first outbreak was so incredibly bad!! He is getting tested he said in another month, to me that seems a little soon. Do yall know if thats standard? Or ahouldnt it be like 4 or 6 months or something?

[Anna01]

4 months to be sure. Tell him it is a waste of money to do it any earlier.

[makeitrightandbright]

Ok thats what i figured, i will! Because he will get tested in a month and it might come back negative and he think hes home free! I dont want him out there spreading H to other women! Thank you so much for all this input and advice on everything!!

[Anna01]

No problem! Good luck!

[WCSDancer2010]

Actually, getting a blood test now (ALL of you) will tell you if you already had it (for at least 4 months) or not ... which at least tells each of you if you need to go back one more "generation" ... each one needs to keep going back till they get to the original carrier so that that person knows they have it .. it's the best way to at least *try* to help people keep from spreading it ... and give them our info/handouts so they know they have some place to turn ;)

[Anna01]

That is very true. My apologies

[makeitrightandbright]

I will, i told him to let that woman what is going on with him so she can get tested too.

[2Legit2Quit]

Sounds like he is in denial for sure and doesn't want to face what that means for his casual sex life now.

[makeitrightandbright]

Ha! EXACTLY!!! He is always feeding his own ego, saying he knows so many women that want to be with him! Drives me insane...

[Anna01]

He sounds SO boring lol Nothing more unattractive than a person with in outrageously large ego

[2Legit2Quit]

Gross.... Sounds like this was the guyguy

 

http://happyplace.someecards.com/dating-relationships/a-writer-overheard-a-hilariously-awful-first-date-so-of-course-she-livetweeted-it/

[makeitrightandbright]

Yall are cracking me up!! :) the only thing he has goin for him is his looks honestly! Tall, tan, great buff body, but then he has the need to feel excepted and wanted by women, (hence the sleeping around part for him!)