Feeling really down right now :'(. Radiohead probably isn't helping lol.

[desertlove]

Hello,

After a wonderful summer, on the first day of school (which was a month ago) I was diagnosed with HSV2 after having my first outbreak. It was so surreal... it still kinda is. I'm going to school in NorCal and my family is in So

Cal. My first thoughts were to drop out of school and go back to my family for support, or die (didn't actually want to harm myself, but felt like dying). I haven't told my parents or sister yet. I'm not sure when I will. I've made a lot of progress I think in this short amount of time. I've informed myself and have even told a couple of friends about it. However, it is still really upsetting and its on my mind 24/7. The guy that I was seeing, well we still are kinda seeing each other also tested positive. He has handled it different. He keeps busy, and has made school even a bigger priority then before. He recently told me he didn't want to put pressure on what we have and just wanted to see how things go. I respect that he is focusing on himself, as I should also be focusing on myself and school, but i've been left feeling unwanted, my ego is hurting, and my fears have been magnified with this diagnosis. It makes me think if he is someone that has herpes like me and doesn't want to be my boyfriend then imagine trying to date someone that does not have it -_-. When I was 19 I tested positive for chlamydia and that traumatized me so much that I swore I would not have sex until I had a boyfriend or was dating exclusively. That lasted until I was 23years old. I am now 24, turning 25 next month. As a result of those 5 years of being celibate, I'm used to being single and I've always been very independent. So with this guy, I'm scared that I will go on another 5 year strike haha. Also, i'm scared to let him go because I don't want to be bitter and feel like all I got from this relationship was herpes. I've given him his space, but i'm starting to think I just need to let him go completely. I appreciate him being honest,but I feel more alone right now worrying about him and I then when I was actually alone. I know he isn't seeing anyone else, but I'm starting to feel like a convenience. When we hangout its fun, its when we aren't together that reality sets in. I know my mistake was acting like a girlfriend when he hadn't even earned it. Sorry for ranting, but I know no one else besides him that has herpes. I feel like our situation changes a bit once you add in the fact that we have herpes. It probably doesn't tho lol. idk

 

I just want to be done with school and be back to my family and cats. I want all this to be a distant memory ASAP.

 

:( Mel

[2Legit2Quit]

So sorry you're dealing w this, but no it will get better. May I ask who gave it to you? Trywto better understand your situation and maybe why he is feeling the way he is

 

I think you should focus in yourself and nurture yourself, like you deserve and let be, what's meant to be. It's good to be confident and alone. Don't seek approval and your desirability by how much soneone wants to be in your life. You know what you've got, so own it. Hang in there!

[desertlove]

Thank you, I do believe it will get better... it has to right? Can't be depressed about it forever. Well, I don't want to point fingers, but I'm pretty sure he gave it to me. It just makes the most sense. I believe he feels like he might have given it to me also since he said there was a time in his life where he just didn't care about what he was doing. Also, he was quick to not use protection with me, so I can assume he did the same with most girls. I usually am very careful, but I was dumb this time.

 

thank you! I look forward to becoming a part of this community, getting help and helping each other :)

[desertlove]

Also, he comes from a gangster family. So he grew up quick, he's a tough guy and doesn't show his emotions very well. He is the first one in his family to go to college. So I do understand he wants to make sure he graduates. I am trying to own up to what I know I am worth.

[2Legit2Quit]

I figured as much, since you had a primary. Did he got get tested? He might be dealing w accepting he has this and what it means for him.. I have found that men seem to have the harder time w acceptance over it and more likely to be in denial, because they don't want it to change things for them w being care free. Since he has a definitive diagnosis, he may be dealing w it differently. I have found men go into laser focus mode when going through thingsthings and put all their focus on work, working out, goals, etc and women tend get down and apathetic. Try your best not to worry about what he's doing and just focus on you. You're the one who needs all the love you can get at this time from yourself. Keep your chin up, you'll be OK.

[desertlove]

Yes he got tested right after me. I do see he is definitely dealing with it differently. That's why I'm trying to be respectful of his decision. He is doing exactly what you mention, working out, focusing on school work, and his goals, kind of avoiding thinking about it. I don't believe he has told anyone. Totally different than how I am processing it and coming to terms with it. I am doing my best to not worry about him. I'm trying to shift my focus on myself and school. Thank you I appreciate you replying to me:).

[2Legit2Quit]

So did he say he's never had any symptoms in the past or that he had some and didn't know what they are?

[desertlove]

Nope, no symptoms before.

[WCSDancer2010]

.... but i've been left feeling unwanted, my ego is hurting, and my fears have been magnified with this diagnosis. It makes me think if he is someone that has herpes like me and doesn't want to be my boyfriend then imagine trying to date someone that does not have it -_-. .

 

:( Mel

 

Well, given that he has it, if he fades into the sunset, it's not because of the Herpes, it's because he's either incapable of or not ready for a relationship, or he's feeling guilty for giving it to you (and will be convincing himself he is not worthy of you now), or he's just turning to school work to avoid thinking about it. Note that NONE of them have anything to do with you!

 

One thing for certain: don't EVER stay with a guy who also has H just because he has it ... if you are not a match, get out.... believe me, H is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things to get through when getting to know someone ... don't blame Herpes for any relationship that doesn't make it ... even when you can point to things going south soon after disclosure, just remember that if they leave THAT easily, they were not that into YOU in the first place....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[desertlove]

Thank you @WCSDancer2010 I appreciate your honesty! When I am doubting myself or a relationship, I will remember this.

[Anna01]

I may be alone here but I have this thought that maybe he already knew he had it prior to you. Do you ever get "jerk" vibes from him. I don't know but the thought crossed my mind. @WCSDancer2010 and @2Legit2Quit said everything you need to hear. Focus on yourself, let him go through his process, don't settle because of herpes. You have an amazing life waiting for you. Don't run home for comfort. Visit home for comfort :) haha. Focus on school, gaining peace and being happy. I find doing charity or dancing helps me a lot. Keep your head up girlie. We are here for you!

[lighthouse]

@desertlove so glad I came across your post. I just found out I have HSV2 myself and felt like no one my age has this. (I'm 26) I too haven't told my mom or my sister and don't know if or when i ever will. I feel pretty happy for you that you at least have someone who's going through the same thing you are and although it may seem like he is distancing himself from you i think you guys just need the space to deal with what happened. To be honest if I was in a relationship with someone and we both got diagnosed I feel like I would be more likely to stay with that person and deal with it than meeting someone new who doesn't have the virus and have them be accepting of me. I know a lot of people have stories on here that people are accepting but I just don't feel that way at the moment. I don't know how I will ever meet someone and have them stay with me again..

[desertlove]

@lighthouse sorry that you are going through this. Well him and I have ended our relationship. It was becoming too confusing not being his girlfriend. We are now just friends. I stayed with him because I wanted it to work out so badly, that way I could look back and think that catching H was worth it :/, but you cannot force things especially when the other person is not interested in a serious relationship. I know it is hard to see right now (trust me I am still working on that), but we will meet someone who will see our value and love us:).