Not using condoms anymore?

[Marille]

I've always been pro-condom, before and after herpes. I have a new partner who's been aware of my condition since before we were dating. The first month or so, we pretty much were religious about condom use, and then the whole "we're out of condoms but what the hell" thing inevitably happened...and here we are a few months later. Neither of us is HIV+, and I haven't had an outbreak in the time we've been together. Is it likely that he'll get herpes from me? He's already said that it's a risk he's willing to take for me (bless his heart), but of course we'd like to avoid that. My last partner and I had stopped using condoms after a while, and he never got it from me either. No, I'm not on valtrex. Has anyone else had experience with a long term partner and not using a barrier method consistently?

[2Legit2Quit]

Are you not on daily meds? If not, then the risk is 4%. If you got on daily meds, it would lower it to 2% for female to male transmission.

[Marille]

Thank you :) I know the risk is really low statistically, but all our bodies work differently so if anyone has experience with this, please share!

[2Legit2Quit]

My beat guy friend was married to someone for 7yrs w H and never got it. I have two friends who never passed it in the decade or longer they've had it to anyone, but I also have some friends who have passed it. There's just no telling. Maybe taking a look at the success stories will give you some insight.

[Marille]

Thanks :)

[hippyherpy]

What about snuggling?

[WCSDancer2010]

Female to male transmission is about 4-5% /yr if you have sex about 2x/wk ... thing is, you just plain can't tell when you *might* be shedding ...

 

AND ... many people just never pass it on. So you have to look at the risks, options (condoms/meds) and his willingness to risk getting it ... if he knows all the risks and alternatives and he CHOOSES to have sex with you, then let him make that choice... he's an adult after all.

 

Sure, we don't want to pass this on. Sure, we want to do everything we can to keep our partners from getting it. But in the case of a committed monogamous relationship, these things need to be discussed AND we have to trust our partners to make choices that THEY can live with. After that your responsibility is to just be very in tune with your body and do what you can to avoid OB's or find other ways to play if you have ANY idea that *something* may be happening.... and find other ways to get yer freak on on those days. I personally love having an excuse to try "other things" ... :)