Anyone else been there?!

[Emm]

Early on in diagnosis I felt as low as anyone else, then I had some support and started to feel positive. Now that the emotions have evened out I'm ashamed to say that I'm fine most of the time, but every time I get an outbreak I get extremely suicidal. Every time.

I don't know how to live like that? Feel really guilty as well, after all the support I've had and even my own commitment to not feeling negative and to remembering that plenty of people have it worse.

 

I guess I'd like to know if anyone has overcome this and how?

 

Also, I find that any kind of rubbing- gym clothes, body suits etc seems to bring it on, and I dont want it to stop me doing/wearing what I want! Anyone have a way around that?

[2Legit2Quit]

I felt that way at first every time I had an OB, but I have them so frequently now, that I got desensitized to that feeling and realized I was the creator by my own doing of those thoughts, it wasn't Herpes. It was me. I figured it was here to stay, so no point in giving it that much power.

 

I have the same issues. Where my skin rub, before H, u never charged. Now it causes a painfyl chaffe since H and I can tell it's H from how it feels. I haven't tried it yet, but I will, as I have to find something to prevent that on a big hiking trip I have coming up, but runners body glide was a start for me. It's to help prevent chaffing and goes on like a clear deodorant stick. I'd start there.

 

How long have you had this?

[WCSDancer2010]

@ Emm

 

Do you get your OB's around the time of your period? I wonder if you are dealing with Hormones on top of having to deal to the adjustment period of dealing with H.

 

I suggest that you see if you can get some counseling both to see if you have some other contributing factors and to help you to figure out some coping skills when you start finding yourself spiraling downwards during an OB....

 

(((HUGS)))

[Emm]

@2Legit2Quit I've only known since July. The idea that this is forever is what pushes me over the edge. Also my fear of myself- I currently have an outbreak at the same time I have some cuts on my hand, I'm so scared of infecting myself when I'm washing, changing, moisturising- I hate being afraid of my own body and dont know how I'll ever feel confident, valuable, sexy again when I bring this to the table. I'll definitely try runners body glide though, thank you.

[Emm]

@WCSDancer2010 Sometimes I do, sometimes its after some rubbing, for example I went to the gym Friday and was aware of some rubbing, then symptoms started kicking in Saturday and are full fledged today. Considering counselling, thanks x

[StillMeButWiser]

The fact you are on here reaching out and addressing your suicidal concerns pretty much says you are not going to act. The part of you when having an outbreak doesnt want to deal with the outbreaks and sees no other way. As if you exhausted all other options and it has beat you.

 

I never understood how people could commit suicide untill I was in your shoes for herpes and other reasons. Always afraid of death, I found my fear faded as I felt the world against me, surrounded by all the grief I was enduring at the time. What is the purpose in having a desire to live or will anyone actually miss me, I thought. I saw no out and when I hit my lowest I knew I needed help, either by driving myself to hospital or make calls for counceling in the morning. The next day I made calls. Shortly later I got on medicine which was a life saver. Wasnt always up hill but I stuck with it. It brings me back to the first paragraph for you.

 

Empower. What empowers you when it comes to yourself and health? For most it is taking charge and how do we do this? Educating ourselves, doing activities which will give us a postive outcome. Exercise, eating right, sleeping, church, therapy, setting S.M.A.R.T goals and basically be kind to others and ourselves. Like yourself and before you know it the love of life will shine.

 

Let me ask you this, do you think if your outbreaks were to stop would you feel the same? Anything else going on for which makes you unhappy?

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Therapy should definitely be something you consider. It absolutely does take time to come to acceptance of this and to stop feeling like you're a walking virus, rather than you just having a hitchhiker. Again, it's at some point you have to make the choice to allow an OB to get you this done or not. Hopefully some theraoy will help you. Hang in there.