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I'm Afraid I have Herpes

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So, I'm newly single after ending a ten year marriage. A friend that I've liked for a while came into town and we hooked up. She had what I thought was a zit just under her lip, and I thought nothing of it. She said that she hasn't had sex in 9 months, and gets tested every year. We had unprotected oral/vaginal sex.


A week later I met another girl, and we ended up having sex the following week. I used a condom, but after not being able to ejaculate for al on period of time, I took it off. That was Saturday night.


I've had a terrible gut feeling since that night.


Tonight, while urinating, I noticed two small bumps near the head of my penis. I'm absolutely losing it. I'm alone now, and my whole life might be taking a drastic change. I can't stop sobbing uncontrollably.


I'm not sure If I can live with this. I'm not strong enough. I want a wife and family, and I just can't imagine having a normal sex life from here on.


I was dumb, and maybe I deserve it for being so selfish and irresponsible.


I don't know what to do, but cry. I will go see my doc in the am if he can squeeze me in.



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First of all...breathe!


Going to your doctor tomorrow is a great idea. You should go and get tested within 24-48 hours of bumps appearing.


Symptoms usually appear 2-14 days after contact, with most of them appearing in 4 days. It doesn't rule out your first potential exposure (oral/something on her lip), but that seems kind of a long time to pass. Then, your exposure Saturday night, and now it being Monday evening, is very quick to already have bumps ("symptoms" being usually tingling/itching, which turn into bumps). Unfortunately, we can't rule anything out for you, and can't diagnose you here. I would say definitely go to your doctor.


So, first thing first...go to your doctor. Get it looked at, and get a *swab* test. If your doctor doesn't do those, call an urgent care or planned parenthood. It's the only way to get a test this early - blood tests can take up to 4 months.


Whatever you do, do not let them give you a positive diagnosis without a swab test. NO DOCTOR CAN SAY YOU HAVE HERPES JUST BY LOOKING. Beyond that, certainly no doctor can tell you which strain of the herpes virus you have (HSV1 typically being the "oral" herpes, HSV2 typically being the "genital" strain). If the doctor tells you it's something else, it's possible, but don't let them dismiss you.


You're not the only one in this situation...many, many of us on this board come from a "safe" (or at least unprotected) sexual relationship, and we get used to not using condoms with that person. It's second nature for us to not use condoms, and that carries over to the trust of a friend or even someone that claims to have been tested. We "baby birds" that are newly out of long relationships don't know the dangers that are out there in the world, and we trust blindly.


You are strong enough for this. I'm hitting my 5 month diagnosis this week, and it's tough. It is. But many of us (including myself) have found wonderful people that this silly little skin disease doesn't even phase.


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Thanks for your feedback. I am paralyzed right now, and supposed to travel for work later this week for some important meetings that I can't miss. I feel like I can't do anything but curl up and sob.


I hope that I'm overreacting, as I tend to overwork/think especially about medical stuff, but I have a terrible feeling about this. This isn't what I had in mind when imagining the single life.



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@nothinggoodgetsintheway , I actually had symptoms immediately, like many others after contact, so we can't say it's too soon. I had soreness and burning, but thought that was from long time no sex, but BH y day 3 I had swelling and fissures and knew. So we can't go off timelines of diagnosis.


@frightened you're putting the cart before the horse, calm down and breath. Even if you did have heroesy, it doesn't stop you from any of the things you want. I know so many married w kids who have herpes. I suspect you are a high strung individual and ate projecting into this situation and exacerbating it w your anxiety. I can tell you first hand, my ex and not the one I got H from, this was ore H, got red dots on the head if his penis from the condom. It's like abrasions.. Relax and see if you can get it swabbed. No blood test can tell you anything now, because it's too soon, but red dots don't equate to heroes off the back.

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Soonest you could do blood tests would be 6-8 weeks...but only something like 70% of people who are positive will show positive (I was showing negative still at 8 weeks, but I know I have this because I got a swab the day the blisters appeared).


So really, the soonest you can conclusively know you don't have herpes is 4-6 months.


Really try to see the doctor and get a swab, it's the only way to know this soon.

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Sorry I didn't get to this sooner.


First - BREATHE! I've had this for over 35 yrs, had a family (and I'm a woman so I'm the one who really is affected when it comes to having a baby with H), and at 54 my life couldn't be better.


You need to have a SWAB, but if its only a red bump, they may not get anything from it. And it *could* be folliculitis. If the Dr sends you away and shrugs you off go to Planned Parenthood. Many GP's are clueless about anything to do with the genitals, especially Herpes, and you really *should* go to someone who specializes in that area for ANYTHING to do with the genitals anyway.


Whatever the prognosis, you WILL be ok. Remember, 1 in 5 of all the people around you has genital herpes. 4 out of 5 people have oral herpes. (BTW, the first girl could likely have had a canker sore from the way you described it, which is NOT herpes).


Let us know what the Dr says.... and we will support you with where you need to go from here :)


(((HUGS))) and good luck with the DR

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I just left the doctor and she said it didn't look like herpes, but a skin irritation. However, I noticed one of the three bumps looks redder than it did before.


She swabbed it, and will get the results in about 5 days, although she said there wasn't really any discharge to swab.


I'm sobbing uncontrollably still and have to leave on business Thursday. I can't get out of it, and will have to be around my colleagues for two days straight. I can't do it. I'm a mess.


I called Planned Parenthood, so I could see somebody and get an expert's opinion, but they are booked.

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Hey, well the doctor saying that it doesn't look like H is very encouraging. I know that H can look and feel like anything, but I had two doctors look at me and say "yeahhhh...that's H" and it was confirmed by a swab. They even gave me valacyclovir on the spot, before I was even confirmed. The fact that your doc didn't do that is reassuring, too.


So please, just put this from your mind for a few days. You'll get the results by next Monday, you've already had a doctor say that it doesn't look like H, and there's nothing you can do but wait. The other thing you can do is just don't touch it, try not to mess or squeeze it, and wash your hands after you go to the bathroom or touch yourself, just in case.


Other than that, have a beer or go for a run or something. You need to get your mind off of this!

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Right now, you need to just take it as you don't have H. You have zero proof of it being such right now. You can't make the assumption that some red bumps are herpes. We all get red bumps down there from time to time. So many have jumped to the conclusion they have H on these forums from red bumps and went as far to get western blot sone, paid from thwir own pocket and it came back negative. A lot of senseless worrying. And if it is H, you can't chnage it, so its better to try and just accept it and realize you'll be on. I have a buddy w it and he's neevr been rejected and even married twice w H negative women.

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So, you're saying that I should stop looking at it and twisting it around every 15 mins?


Yep! Obsessing over it right now won't change anything. You need to focus on your work right now - use that to take your mind off of things. You are WAAAY overthinking this right now. Use this as a time to consider what you want in your love life, and perhaps as a wake up call. It doesn't matter if you have H or not ... it's more about really getting real with yourself about how you have been searching for love/relationship. Don't worry about whether H is in the mix ... believe me, it's doesn't have to change things and if anything, Herpes will help you to make better dating choices. But for now, if you want to obsess about anything, use that energy to get real with yourself about your past dating practices and what you REALLY want.


Let us know what the Dr says. Until then, get out, live life, and kick some ass in that

business meeting :)



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Just checking in with you guys. I went to primary the following day to see what he thought. He said that it doesn't look like H at all. My swab results from the urgent care place came back negative, and the second girl that I slept with' blood work came back negative.


I still feel like I might have it though, as two new small red bumps appeared in my public area yesterday. They are very subtle and don't hurt or itch, but looking at google images, it seems like it can look like almost anything.


I have no symptoms, and I know that the first outbreak is usually accompanied by lots of symptoms. Again, I know that it can look and feel like anything, which really sucks.


I feel like I'm in a place of acceptance if I do have it. I know that my life isn't over, burin will say, in really missing my wife and son right now.


I had good meetings and went to my company Christmas party last night. Being newly single, I met a few girls, but feel like it's pointless, as I could never disclose such a thing to anyone one in my industry.


I'm off to another city for the weekend, and will tryntonfind an urgent care place to swab these two new bumps. Thanks for your help and support, guys!

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So, I went to the urgent care clinic and the dr seemed very knowledgable. He said it doesn't look like H, and he had nothing to swab, since it's just two red bumps with no fluid. He said that I'm probably just nervous, but to keep an eye on it. Meanwhile, while the two small bumps are going away, a new one is appearing right around my waist band .


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You might be right. I'm flying back home for a couple of days, and I just noticed that one of the bumps now has a whitehead. I have an appointment at PP tomorrow am, so I hope they can get a good swab of that. I'm pretty sure I have it. It would be weird to have five or six bumps come and go in my pubic area over a week. Maybe I could be getting pimples from touching it so much, but I doubt it. I have accepted my fate if I'm positive.

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You might think that it's weird, but honestly most of us don't pay attention to parts of our body until we really start to look. Then we look and we're like WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NORMAL?! Like I've started to notice that I have pimples sometimes on my chest, butt or my upper back. Never would have noticed those until I now, when I think that everything is H.


Not to say that yours isn't H, but bumps "coming and going" within a few days could be normal and now you're just hyper aware :)


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Well, I went to PP and the lady said that it doesn't look like herpes, and there's nothing for her to swab. I felt better, but now I noticed this am that the couple of bumps look a little different, kinda scabby, but still very subtle. You wouldn't notice them if you weren't looking very hard. I'm also feeling a little under the weather today, so that's not helping. I'm scared because I know that H can be symptomless or look like a lot of different things. I do feel like even if I have it, i'll be fine, but I am having a bad day today.

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