Dr.s may have misinformed me, now worried I've passed H to my partner. Now I need your help.

[Sunflower14]

Its not easy for me to ask for help, but I'm really struggling with carrying this burden alone, as I'm sure many of you are. So I'm

hoping to get some insight and encouragement. Maybe some of you can relate.

 

I am lucky enough to have the most amazing boyfriend (a beautiful success story I've been meaning to share with all of you). But first, I need some guidance. I provided my current boyfriend with the statistics on transmission provided on this website, reassuring him that without symptoms present, and with me taking the daily suppressive therapy, there was a very low chance I would pass it to him. I never get symptoms, have never had even a second outbreak. At least that's what I had been led to believe.

 

As I've come to realize in other threads, I'm not alone when i say that my vagina has become a foreign place to me since my diagnosis. I feel like a close friend betrayed me and I can't trust them anymore. I get more yeast infections and BV than ever. Sex has become more painful. Which leads me to the highlight of my predicament. I've been having sex semi-regularly in the past 1 and a half since my diagnosis. Often, whenever I would have sex, i would be left with a stininging little line, in the same place, that would resemble a paper cut or little crack. It would ONLY happen to me after having sex. Of course, my paranoia led me to investigate many times. I've had the cuts looked at multiple times by a variety of doctors, and each one of them has said with complete confidence that it was NOT herpetic. They attributed it to friction from sex, or a yeast infection. And, call me crazy, but I trusted and believed my healthcare professionals when they told me it's not a herpes outbreak. They proscribed me some topical cream and suggested I buy some lubricant. And i continued to have (unprotected sex, as per his choice), with my boyfriend.

 

Until today. My incessant worrying led me to ask my gyno again today. I had just had sex the day before, there was a lot of friction and I was not very lubricated, and I was left with that all too familiar pain. I'm 22 years old, and understand that I am too young to be suffering from dryness during sex. This can't be a normal thing. It never happened in my relationship before my diagnosis... But who knows. Maybe my body is just different after H and I really do just need lubricant. My gyno that I saw today is the first doctor to suggest it is possibly the H virus being aggravated by sex. But EVERY time? With literally no symptoms any other time, besides post sex??

 

My fear now is not about me. The hardest part for me is not dealing with the way it affects my life personally, it's the constant worrying and anxiety that I'll give it to someone who is only taking the risk because he trusts me. It's such a burden to carry alone, it keeps me up at night. If these stupid little cuts are in fact an outbreak that means literally every time I've had sex there's a very good chance of transmission.

 

Can anyone relate or give some kind input? I haven't done much digging on other forums but has anyone actually given their partner H? I can't imagine the feeling. Even if they know the risk is there, there must still be some resentment even subconsciously.

[2Legit2Quit]

H can make people think they have those infections when they don't. I used to think I had yeast infections constantly my first 7 months, but because I journaled daily, I learned a pattern and location of the itch and soon found it was H.

 

Yes, Herpes absolutely can cause fissures. In fact, those were my first signs . many docs are very ignorant to the More atypical symptoms of H.

 

I have heard that H can cause vaginal dryness in some. We always recommend using a lot of lube when you have H. Yes, sex is a trigger for some.

 

Just because you notice symptoms after sex, doesn't mean enough virus was present or even present during sex, to infect your partner. Most cases where I see someone get H, is when someone was completely asymptomatic at the time, aka asymptomatic shedding. I know some people where their partners aren't phased by it and then some have gotten very upset, but you can't place that burden on yourself, because you have them the information and as cibsenging adults, they chose to take the risk.

[Sunflower14]

Thank you for your response! And yes, there's been an increase in infections since H, but I also had cultures taken to confirm it was yeast or BV at the time.. But that could be a coincidence. I'm not naive that there's a big possibility these cuts are actually the virus. But it's frustrating that my doctor left me with "there's really no way to know for sure". It's sentiments like that that make me feel helpless. How can I protect my boyfriend when I can't even be sure what's really going on with my own body. And he expects me to know, because of course he assumes I'm the herpes expert here and trusts me when I say it's okay for us to have sex.

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

Agh this is a tough one. I too get some of the "cuts" after sex - and I mean *immediately* or even during (I have photographic evidence). Yes, H can show up as cuts, but to not have any prodromes, and no pain or itching, and always immediately after....after speaking with both my boyfriend and several gynos, we have decided to treat those as small abrasions.

That's not to say it's not h. It's just what my boyfriend has decided that he's comfortable with. If you want, you could have a convo with your BF that says "it doesn't feel like h, multiple doctors have told me it's not, but...one doc says it was. Let's talk about it."

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

You're going to have to document daily your symptoms, location, any sensations and possible triggers. When you notice a pattern, I take that as being H. That's the most control we can possibly have and yes, unfortunately, we only have so much control w this virus, just like you do w driving a car. You can control your driving from crashing into others and take preemptive measures to wars off a crash, but the other drivers (aka H virus) are still doing their own thing and you can't control them and what they do. There's always going to be a risk w most things you do. You have to learn to accept that you will do what you can do, but understanding that there's risks w everything that you can't control a d learn to be comfortable in that space. Life is not black and white, you have to learn to embrace the gray area ww all the possible precautions you can take and the small part you have no control of.

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

Also, for sex to be a "trigger," I take that to mean that it either causes a cutie weakness in the skin that gives H a chance to rear its head (meaning it's a cut and then H becomes actively later) *or* there was enough H chilling right at the surface, waiting to become an OB, and the friction from sex let it rise to the surface

 

Are you on suppression? I know some folks still have constant OBs and symptoms whole on meds, but really if youre on suppression and getting these cuts always immediately, always without symptoms, and they never itch and heal immediately, that speaks to cuts.

 

All of this worry is coming from protecting your BF - so my recommendation is to get as knowledgeable as you can, and talk to him about it. It's not your job to take all of the weight to decide whether or not it's something to worry about! ;)

[Sunflower14]

NothingGoodGetsAway: I am on daily suppressants, and I never have any symptoms at all. If I felt anything "off" before sex, I would be more precautious. But before sex, I have no symptoms. I've only had the first primary OB. I feel the pain as I'm having sex, and then yes immediately after there's the small cut that stings when I touch it, quickly heals and no sores are ever present. Which is why doctors look at it and say "abrasions from friction" I'm guessing. But then I also am aware H can show itself in the form of these paper cut things. And that sex can be a trigger. It's frustrating if it were the case, that sex, the thing to avoid when having any OB, may be the very thing that's causing it. My gyno suggested taking 2 doses daily instead of one, and see if it makes a difference when I have sex. If I stop getting the cuts on the higher dose, it points to H. But if nothing changes, it could be the friction. I'm not sure how my BF would feel being my guineepig but I suppose he's already slept with me so it can't change much at this point.

 

I'll talk to him and hopefully he doesn't freak out. He's a bit of a worry wart. He can get paranoid about things like thIs

[2Legit2Quit]

And it can either one of this scenarios, but again, there still always have to be enough viral load to infect another person.

 

I highly recommend you guys use condoms, until you feel more comfortable and learn your body better post H. The female condoms are much more pleasurable for both parties, so I'd start there.

[WCSDancer2010]

Good advice here... and yes, the female condoms may be a good option for you.... (see link below to purchase) If you are not using condoms, perhaps try the Fractionated Coconut Oil for lube as it is antiviral so it may give you a *little* protection there too (definitely nothing to prove this theory... but it won't hurt :) )

 

It's very common for us women to get irritations from sex with H, esp in the first few years. Tons of lube, try to avoid rough sex, and maybe try Epsom Salts baths right after to soothe the area too.

 

This is what I tell people to do when they are trying to control the virus... it seems that sex is your "trigger" but perhaps you can see if other things contribute by keeping the journal :)

 

I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control.

 

Second - attack it from the outside ... I'm going to put a bunch of links but generally Epsom Salts baths (drop a double handful of the salts between your legs so its concentrated there), followed by thorough drying (even using a hair drier to get it really dry), maybe going commando, and using Bactine (which helps to kill the virus AND numb it thanks to the lidocaine in it) ... or my favorite, Ammonium Alum ... but there's LOTS of suggestions in the links. I find if you attack it from the outside, the inside can do it's job better :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv

 

Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum

http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream

http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil

http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil

http://bit.ly/Zinccream

http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve

http://tinyurl.com/bactine

http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose

http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

http://tinyurl.com/FC2-condom

[Sunflower14]

Thank you for all your suggestions! My doctors suggestion to me was to double my dose of medication- she said it can't hurt either way. Because my main goal isn't to help solve the problem after it happens, it's to prevent it all together. Since of course no one wants to have any kind of pain during sex, and no one wants to have an OB when they're having sex with their partner especially. I appreciate all the responses.

 

On a happier note, I decided to be open and honest with my boyfriend and tell him that this particular doctor suggested these cuts I can get during sex may be the virus. And he was absolutely wonderful. I could not have asked for a better response. He said he would never resent me, and that it's as much his responsibility as it is mine. He doesn't want me to feel like I need to figure this out alone just because I have, and that we will do it together, as a team! I think it's time I write a post in the success story forum, because I certainly found a good one. :) thanks again for the help everyone. This has been a rough learning process for me, I'm still getting to know my body post-H.

[WCSDancer2010]

That's awesome! Sounds like you have a winner there and you just learned a very valuable lesson from this about being honest with him ... you know he will always be there for you. We'd love to hear your story!

[2Legit2Quit]

That's so awesome! Way to go gf!