Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Succexy New Year's :)

Recommended Posts

Hi all,


Just wanted to share a less-than-ideal and hasty but successful disclosure with y'all... I guess I've learned the moment doesn't have to be perfect to disclose. I've had herpes since November 2014 and have since had three partners... Each time it has gotten a little easier to disclose, as I learn to say things in a more confident manner (as I have become more confident in living with this and valuing myself). Having these experiences of acceptance has also been helpful. I do stress myself out a bit though before disclosing and try to aim for an ideal situation in which to disclose (as per advice).


I've been seeing a sweet, smart, and musical guy for about a month (several dates). I just returned from a trip after the holidays, during which we stayed in pretty close contact. I knew that after I saw him once I got back I wanted to move forward and have a convo with him about h. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow for dinner at my house, as I had plans already with my best friend and her family visiting from Spain for New Year's Eve. However, he and I somehow ended up in the same area of the city last night, sending cute messages to each other, and I found myself wanting to go kiss him for a proper New Year's kiss, even if it was slightly after midnight :)


We met up and spontaneously decided to go to a party of a mutual friend together- but then when we stopped back at my place on the way (quick heel change) things between us escalated and we began getting a bit wild. He *is* really handsome and I have a ridiculous sex drive. The party plan faded away. I was starting to feel nervous and pulled away for a moment- I knew we both really wanted to have sex that night and yet I also knew that this wasn't the ideal moment to disclose- but I took a chance anyway. We both had a few drinks earlier in the evening but nothing too crazy. How bad could it be? Also based on my past experiences with this, I figured he had a good chance of saying yes. I kissed him lightly, sat down, and I told him I was feeling very lucky to spend the evening with him and that I wanted him to be safe if we had sex. When he sat down too next to me and said "of course", I then explained why in a (relatively) calm manner. He looked a little shocked at first, actually, but then he was like, well, what does that mean? Can I still have sex with you? I realized he didn't really understand what it meant to have herpes. This coming from a guy who works in laboratory research! :) I briefly explained basic facts and statistics in a non-TMI manner. He asked some questions (toughest one 'Was how did you get it?' >:( since I'm still somewhat angry about how I got it). Eventually he was like well, I'll have to research a bit more later, but yeah, if we're using a condom and you're taking medications and that's pretty much statistically safe, then I think I'm okay with it. I'm proud of the way I was also confident and forthcoming, yet reassuring with info... at one point I told him I was the kind of person who when something happened to me I researched the hell out of it so I could understand as much as I could, so he could ask me anything or we could look it up together. I felt pretty strong (and still quite sexy).


Long story short, we had sex last night (and this morning)! At one point, we talked about herpes again briefly, sober (except for the soaring serotonin), lying in the morning light, almost philosophically, almost as if we were discussing the weather or a show we had seen. He seemed to be processing it well. I have heard nothing but positive things from him since. We are meeting up tomorrow too for that dinner. Anyway, it wasn't an ideal disclosure, and I know I could have done a lot better on timing... but maybe all I needed this time around was the right info floating around in my brain, the confidence to disclose, and the right guy to hear it :)


Happy new year's everyone. Wishing you all luck, happiness, and awesome sex in 2016 ;)

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...