Indecisive about when to disclose....

[livelifegolden]

So my ex- boyfriend and I cut all ties with each other so that we can both move on. And now I have decided to start dating again and getting to know new people. But I struggle with knowing when I should or if I should disclose. When it comes to relationships, I have only disclosed to my ex, and he took it really well. I have this upcoming date with this guy I knew awhile back before I had H, and I like him but I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. I want to tell him just in case it does and I don't want it to go to far without me disclosing. But I don't know if I should just be upfront and rip the band-aid off fast or wait and see where it's going to go first.

[2Legit2Quit]

So one thing I learned when I started dating after H, was how much time I wasted obsessing about what you are right now. We act as if we're even going to get to that point w someone, before we actually have. We get like that, when we haven't even vetted this person to be a good fit for us and I hate that we do that! I found that usually by 3-4 weeks and stressing all that time, that I didn't think they were a good fit for me tbh and I obsessed about disclosing the entire time.! They may reject you for something else, before you even disclose H! I've been rejected twice for my autoimmune disease's that aren't contagious, one because it had the potential to make me fat and I didn't even get to the H part. So therein lies the problem... Over thinking and thinking you'd just be so lucky if they accept you. NO! THEY'RE LUCKY YOU ACCEPT THEM! So my last disclosure couldn't believe the build up I made of disclosing and was making fun of me. After we hung up, he tagged me in this video. And said this is you. Hopefully it makes you laugh and helps calm your nerves.

 

[Sunshineandwhiskey]

@2legit2quit Great Advice!

[livelifegolden]

@2legit2quit I understand what you are saying but I don't want to spend all this time with someone and then when I tell them, they flip out. Especially if I really like them, that would make me have reservations about trying to date in the first place, because people can appear extremely genuine and understanding but when you tell them you have something they become a totally different person.

[2Legit2Quit]

Exactly, so it's all about what you feel is best and works for you. So now you have answered your own question. See? Didn't even need any help

[livelifegolden]

You're right! And I went on and told him. He took it very well, so I guess I was overthinking a bit. But thanks for the advice, it really helps

[2Legit2Quit]

Yep, we often do that tok ourselves. We're our own worst enemies.

[2Legit2Quit]

If he took it well, would you mind sharing your disclosure story and put it under successful disclosures? We need all the successful stories we can get.

[WCSDancer2010]

As you have learned, there's no "right" way to do this..... AND ... you may change how you do it as you go along. I strongly suggest that you read all the Success Stories that you can (even if this guy works out, because you will see that you don't ever have to "settle" with H.... and you will see just how many people with H find some of the deepest connections they have ever had thanks to the fact that H makes many slow down and build trust FIRST ...

 

Check this one out for a different perspective about the timing issue....

 

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7529/from-disclosing-to-being-his-girlfriend-in-minutes