Helping a partner feel more comfortable

[Taylor01]

I have hsv2. I've had it for 2 years now. I have my good and bad days, and this past week was a bad week for me, I met this amazing guy. We've been talking for 5 months and I told him about a month in about the herpes. He asked a lot of questions. I answered them the best I could. I sent a link to this website to get trustworthy information rather than going to another website. He seemed okay with it. We had sex recently and then he texts me afterwards basically second guessing that we had sex. It was protected at first then unprotected so I understand his fear. I was the one who brought the condoms, and they were tight on him, so he decided to go without it. Now I'm feeling bad because he's having second thoughts and I can't seem to put him at ease. He seemed comfortable with it but not so much now. We haven't talked much and I'm giving him some space. I've disclosed to all my partners since I've been diagnosed

 

How do you help a partner feel comfortable?

[Katidid]

You did everything right. It's up to him now to decide if he wants to go further in the relationship or move on.....chances are he will encounter H again at some point

[Veradae]

You were totally responsible! Disclosed, waited for him to process the info and you brought the freaking condoms! It is HIS choice not to wear them. Some people have more open minds than others.

[Taylor01]

Thanks. I felt like I did the right thing but he was so upset and it made me rethink things. We've talked since then and I don't think he has herpes. It had been the same night, and the next day he said he felt itching and felt weird. I think it was paranoia on his end. I told him if it gets worse to go to the doctor. It was his choice, and a mutual decision to have sex. We agreed to just be friends. Even though he likes me a lot he's scared of all std's and doesn't want to take a risk of getting herpes in case we were to date and break up...I've only got rejected a few times due to my hsv status and it hurts a little, but I'll eventually move on.

[Katidid]

You go girl.....that's the attitude to have. You will be fine!

[MMissouri]

Hmm.. he was so worried about getting genital herpes but he didn't bring his own protection? That's a little odd. I think if I was worried about an STD, and thought I was going to have sex, I'd have an arsenal with me lol.

 

I'm sorry he's second guessing his decision now. But like the other posters said, this ones on him.

[Taylor01]

He had asked me if I had condoms I said yes. I guess he always lets the girls buy them or bring them since he hates going to the store to buy them (embarrassment idk). I guess he was more worried afterwards after using google to look at pics. I'm like those pics are the worst of the worse. Now he's freaking out thinking he has it. I think its phantom symptoms...all in his head...I'm sure he didn't get it that soon after. 1 day after he was saying he felt weird. We're just remaining friends though.

[MMissouri]

I am not trying to come down on your friend, but he leaves his protection to someone else???

 

I think there is a HUGE lack of responsibility and maturity here. How old are you guys?? It's HIS responsibility to protect himself. I just see so many outs to this story. He didn't buy the condoms- you did. They didn't fit correctly-due to you not having the proper size. He took the condom off- due to said size issue. Then he is going to be worried right after?? Huh. He could have just stopped the sex until you had the proper condoms or you could have finished in a different way.

 

I really hope that you are not worried about this. This is not on you at all. He needs to grow up. Sorry.

 

 

 

[Taylor01]

I am 25 he's 24. I was stressing out over this probably more than he was. I was like great I jinxed myself. I haven't passed it on to any of my ex's that I know of. No one has called or sent an angry text. I got the biggest size I could, but they were still tight. I think he's used to unprotected sex with his partners. He says he always ask for proof of a recent std test before sleeping with someone. Now I'm trying not to feel so guilty...its like a huge waiting game. I know I was responsible so he needs to own up to his responsibility. He has apologized numerous times, saying he didn't mean for me to feel bad about things that he's just really scared.

[Bambina3]

He asks for proof but didn't ask you for proof? Just because you admitted to hpv, doesn't mean you are not a carrier of other stds(in general population not you specific)

So he doesn't bring protection, agrees to go without protection, doesn't ask for your std panel results, and you are to blame?

I think NOT.

 

[Katidid]

He always asked his previous gf's for their STD status?? What about his?? If he was so concerned about std's looks like he'd have been up to date on his own status with each new relationship considering he doesn't like to use condoms. Just saying! Maybe he already had H previous to your encounter and it's just now surfacing or maybe he doesn't have it at all, but either way.....he needs to show more responsibility in his relationships. Give yourself a break!!