Met someone amazing and I'm so afraid to disclose!

[gr8fulheart]

Hello All,

 

After leaving a relationship that lasted 8 years after learning he was cheating, then testing positive for HSV-2, it hasn't been easy. For the last year and a half I've been doing a lot of soul searching, coming to terms with the end of my relationship and working at accepting my HSV-2 diagnoses. Every day I feel like I'm getting there, slowly.

Recently, I met someone who I could really could see myself with and it's absolutely amazing. Yay! We had an instant connection and so much in common...by the second date this week we were holding hands, kissing, laughing and hugging like we've known each other for ages. It feels so right.

I'm so terrified of 'the talk'. I've watched some of the videos on here with advice on disclosing and they are really helpful but I'm just so nervous. I'm not great with my words and I get nervous so quickly. I struggle with saying exactly what I want to say. I feel like I can't do it. Looking at him in the eyes and seeing his reaction. I've considered texting him so that I can say exactly what I feel, but I know that's not the right way but I feel like in that case I'd be able to say what I want. UGH.

This is so hard. I feel like I have to tell him soon. We are bonding so quickly. I keep telling myself that if he's the right one he'll be understanding...but I'm so scared. This could hurt.

I'm seeing him tomorrow, our third date. Any advice? Pointers from those that have had successful disclosures?

Please.

[NewMoon]

I feel you. It's very scary when you're really into someone and have the talk hanging over your head. You just want the good times to last forever. I had to do this recently, and decided I would recognize the right moment when it came and just plunge in. The longer delayed, the more feelings accrue, and the harder it gets. In the end it is better to take the plunge and know where you stand. No matter the outcome, you will be glad you did. Positive vibes your way!

[tt88]

Just be confident! The energy and vibes you give off will transfer to him so if you are calm and collected about it he might think it's not a big deal either. It worked for me

And I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now

[hippyherpy]

Just do what you would normally do during a relationship and if things are getting intimate and sex is about to happen, then tell them.

 

The bigger a deal you make out it, the bigger a deal it becomes.

 

Disclosure can be done more of as a simple courtesy than as some dramatic ritual.

[StillBella]

I recently had a successful disclosure in May. I was so scared to tell him because I was recently diagnosed in January and I didn't know where to start, I'm still learning my symptoms and my body all over again on top of trying to explain everything to a potential partner.

 

I waited until we were in a close setting and I asked him about his deal breakers in a relationship which led to a discussion about keeping secrets and then I worked up the courage and told him about my HSV-2. I wouldn't change the way it happened because it was everything laid on the table and I got to see his real reaction, he didn't even flinch he leaned over, kissed me and said it didn't matter to him because he really liked me.

 

Good luck on your disclosure!! It's good that you made a real connection first, the rest shouldn't matter :)

[hippyherpy]

Dress sexy as you can. You will have to tell him sooner or later.

 

Also, don't build him up so much in your mind. Most people are more a like than they are different and you can probably find another man if he rejects you. Remember that most herpes rejection is rejection of misinformation about herpes. Tell him what he needs to know and reassure him that you are doing everything possible to minimize any glance he'd get it first off. Also if her wants to talk about it more, explain that so many people have it, and it really hasn't been a big deal for you. Go check out my herpes ladies man disclosure thread for a breakdown on how I disclose.

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Honestly I understand your pain and confusion on what to do. But I can promise you that you will feel like a weight has been lifted after. I've had very few people tell me that's not what they were looking for but honestly that is completely understandable. At the same time I've had more people tell me it was Okay and that they accepted me for me! There was one guy that was literally perfect for me. And I was so so scared to tell. But I told him and his first reaction was "well I kinda don't wanna get it but my job has good benefits if something does happen." Lol

And we continued to talk for another month and a half and now he's my boyfriend and things are just dandy. I'm a year in to my diagnosis. Like a year exactly in 2 days. And I struggled so much with accepting myself but as much as people tell you it gets better and as much as you're gonna hate hearing it, they're right. And you're gonna find the guy that's super accepting of it. And if he likes you for you, then he won't mind. Just don't bring it up ubruptly. Kind of ease into it because taking him by shock he may close off himself. You got this! :)