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Telling past partners

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I just found out I am hsv1 and 2.....I am in a poly relationship, my husband tested negative, we are finding out about my boyfriend today......we have been in the swing lifestyle......that was just a bit of history...


I now need to tell friends that I am positive. I know when my last negative test was but,I don't know where to start, these people are so special to me and I feel ashamed and mortified....


Any advice in how I should handle this?

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Don't be mortified. It's funny how it's always- I found out I had herpes and my partner and everyone else is negative. I think I have my answer.

Because the test are not 100% giving false negatives and false positives.meaning a recent negative test could have been wrong.thats just what I've been learning from all this reading.


Anyway; the best way to handle it is to not allow it to take over you. Blah blah blah. The stigma of it is really just having it. We get embarrassed like we got caught with our hands in the cookie jar like no one else wanted any of it themselves. I'm sure while going to swinger parties there's more than a handful of people who probably have it genitaly. Few know and others don't know and everyone most likely has hsv1 on their face. What is it 80% for hsv1 but 2/3 people world wide.


So go tell your friends and keep swinging through life.

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Having an STD doesn't make you bad, dirty, or any other negative thing you can come up with to associate with it. It ONLY means that you have sex, and an infection was passed. It's just a risk you take when you're sexually active, much like taking the risk of getting the flu by simply going out into public.


Any informed, educated, sexually active adult will understand this. And there is the chance that you got it from one of them. Regardless, if you all don't get tested prior, then it's not one specific persons fault.

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Here is my response from other post

There is a difference between a swinging lifestyle and a poly one, I think.

Poly relationships are actual relationships, where people develop feelings.

I noticed above you mentioned both, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought here was a difference.


I struggle with disclosure, so I am not in a position to give good advice on it, but if you told your current 2 partners, I see no need to go back track and tell everyone else, unless there was one really long term partner in the mix, he might need to know.


When they do the standard std panels, hsv is not part of it. So unless you specifically asked for it, you would not have been tested....I would think at this point it would be hard to track down your giver....I am hsv1 and hsv2 positive.


Good luck, hugs


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Hi, this situation can be over whelming if you let it be. I dabble in the life style and currently experiencing a poly. I'm the unicorn to a couple. From my experience, I would tell current partners and that's it. Past is the past. Most swingers are tested regularly. One guy I was with tested every three months. Even though precaution is taken they know the risk. For some the risk is never thought of.

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