Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Oh The Irony...

Recommended Posts

Hi, my name is Andrea and I have herpes. Just a little support group joke to break the ice. The mere fact that I just typed the words “I have herpes” on a support group site blows my mind. I have my degree in psychology and have worked in mental health agencies since college. Part of my job is to provide support and advice. I have told several clients the importance of safe sex and STD risks. You would think I would listen to my own educated advice. How did I get here?


I met a man on Tinder (that should have been my first red flag) and we developed a quick relationship. We were intimate by the second date and continued to use condoms until he knew I was on birth control. Why is it when men find out a woman is on BC, condoms are no longer in the picture? I also didn’t say otherwise so there’s a double negative. After four months into our romance he became distant and we were constantly arguing. Sunday August 14th we got into a heated argument and by Monday we were broken up.


A few days prior to our fight I noticed some mild itching downstairs. I thought I was just getting a yeast infection. Tuesday, I woke up in excruciating pain and discovered small bumps. I immediately grabbed a compact mirror and Google and began to compare my lady bits to very scary pictures. I think I looked at a thousand vaginas trying to rationalize what I was experiencing. No matter what I said in my head I knew it was most likely Herpes. The following day I called a gynecologist close to my work and made an appointment for the 18th. My symptoms began to get worse and it felt like my body was shutting down. I was scared. Thursday, I sat naked on a table and explained my symptoms. The doctor nodded and began to examine me. Unbeknownst to me, doc had a scalpel in her hand and took a culture. I screamed in pain and she tells me it looks like herpes. I began to wail with emotion and her way of consoling me was “don’t worry a lot of people have it.” I wanted to slap her with the stirrup. She writes some scripts, pats my shoulder and leaves the room. I sat there alone, naked, and ashamed.


That day, I texted my ex (who had been ignoring me) and told him I just left the doctor’s and they think I have herpes. His response was “when did this start”? I replied “a few days ago” and haven’t heard from him since. Gee thanks. I went through the next few days isolated and full of despair. “How could this happen to me?” When the doctor confirmed my diagnosis over the phone, I no longer heard words but mere noise. That was August 22nd or as I call D-Day.


The next couple of weeks I found myself in a deep depression. Once I arrived home from work, I would curl up in a fetal position and cry. Thank god for hemorrhoid cream or my eyes would be permanently swollen shut. The only thoughts I had were “no one is ever going to touch me again and others will think I’m dirty.” I’m 25 years old and any dream of getting married and starting a family has been ripped from my heart. My lowest point was when I collapsed in my mother’s arms muttering “I have herpes.” A spear going through my skull would have felt less painful than admitting to your parent you have an incurable std. Thank God my mother is an angel and has been my backbone my entire life. She grieved with me and said, “You will not go through this alone.”


Once I wrapped my head around my diagnosis and read every article on the Internet, I decided to take back control of my life. I changed to a gluten free clean diet and stocked up on Valtrex and vitamins. Sounds like a rap song. My outbreak lasted 15 days and after that I began to work out again. I went from crying everyday to roughly 1-2 times a week. This is also when I decided for the first time to get support from a community I now belong to. This is extremely difficult for me. Since I was born, I have always been the one to help others. But, here I am. I can’t help but play Frozen’s “Let It Go” in my head while writing this.


Thank you Adrial for providing the opportunity for us to share our personal intimate moments. If this is never read, I am glad I was able to get it out. My herpes story is just beginning and my hope is to heal by helping others along the way.


Link to comment

Hey, welcome to the club! Funny how much you can tell about someone from one post, and all of it tells me you should be fine with this; you clearly have a lot to offer which far outweighs herpes. As you know though, its easy to get sucked into a cycle of bad thoughts and emotions that builds momentum until you find a way to snap out of it. I guess a 'mourning' period is alright (albeit ott to describe it that way), but helping others as a next step is surely a good idea. As G-man said, the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. You mention youve always been that person though, so I hope you manage to treat yourself at the same tine. By singing 'let it go', do you mean let go of the anger towards your ex for doing this to you? Thats another step worth working towards. Anyway, 1 month in and you're already making progress.. keep it up :)

Link to comment

Thank you for the kind words. Since you mentioned God, that was another hurdle I had to tackle. I felt like I was being punished for something. Then I felt remorse for ever thinking That (oh the emotions!) I have to put my faith in him that I am where I'm supposed to be and helping others along the way will bring me closer to God. I referenced 'Let it Go' as me releasing my past and not being ashamed for having herpes. Yes, I am very angry with my ex and I hope in time I can forgive. I'm still a work in progress.

I felt so great after submitting my story and thought I could maybe have a handle on this. Well, this morning I woke up to my second outbreak and was quickly reminded how this thing can pop up any time it likes no matter what I do.

Link to comment

Yea the second one nornally isnt too far behind the first, dont worry. You can be glad its acting as it should. By the way, i forgot about God.. actually meant Ghandi! Either way, i also thought God was punishing me at the time.. goes to show the stress we go through. I left my God-loving ex a few months previously, and I was sure she'd prayed for it..

Link to comment

Resilent! You are going to be just fine. Now when you look back, do you think he initiated the argument which caused the break up because he knew he exposed you to herpes? Why else when you texted him you have herpes he answered, when did this start. Not the common response from someone finding out their partner just been diagnosed with herpes. Now the cowardly silence from him. Remember herpes doesn't define who you are, just another life scare and we all have them.

Link to comment

Since you love to help others, this could be a learning experience for you! Do you know how many people sink into depression because of a herpes diagnosis? Once you adapt to the virus, you'll realize that it really does not change life much. It's kind of like an extra period once in awhile. (unless you are into period sex, then I guess that wouldn't apply lol).


Like others have said, you'll be just fine soon. You have a sense of humor and smarts about you that will see you through this. Loved this post.


"I don't care.. what they're going to say.."

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...