Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

How to approach the man that gave me HSV2?

Recommended Posts

I'd love some advice on how to approach the friend that gave me HSV2.


In a nutshell, I know from blood work and history that he was my giver. I was diagnosed three weeks ago and I'm still coming to terms with this. I have my ups and downs. My giver was a friend I've had for a few years. We met in business school and he recently moved to my neighborhood. He had been very persistent and flirtacious but I know he never wanted anything serious. And frankly, neither did I. So, after too many tequila drinks and not enough food, we have our night together. I regretted it pretty much immediately. He even had a date scheduled for later that day. Dude, keep that to yourself. I've seen him a few times since then he's been plenty friendly, and I've been aloof, not knowing whether he knows he's infected or perhaps he just assumed that he wasn't contagious because he wasn't having an outbreak.


I'm dreading this conversation because I'm afraid he'll deny it. We share many common friends, and I would hate to feel uncomfortable around him forever. I'm 30 years old and haven't felt this awkward in 10 years.


Does anyone have any advice or experience to share?

Link to comment

Well, this is tough as I had to do the very same thing with my giver. We were actually very close and over 30 years ago we just didn't know what we know now....he still should have told me, though. He was using a condom that night basically out of the blue so I asked why. He said he thought he had an infection and didn't want to pass it to me. Condom came off during intercorse and a few days later I had H. I knew it was from that episode and from him as he was my only sleeping partner. On our next date, I got to his house before he did and went through his bathroom abd found acyclovir cream which was all they had for H at the time. Sooooo there was my proof in case he tried to deny it. I got my shit together and when he walked in the door, I told him what was going on snd that I found his cream. So, he said he thought if he used a condom it would be ok....he admitted he was having an actual ob and was sick inside when the condom came off and was actually expecting/dreading this conversation. We stayed very close friends after that and still are all these years later. I told him it was his place to tell people up front about his having H and that he should never have sex during an ob. So, basically I educated him (after my Dr educated me), forgave him and all is good to this day. We both have married since and are very happy in our lives.


You may not have the proof I had, but you are certain it came from him, right?? You might want to wait and find out if it's a new infection or and old one. I'M pretty sure you already know it's new, but just for proof when you tell him. Try to be civil because you know you will be running into him from time to time .....do it for you, not necessarily for him. You want to come out feeling good about yourself in the end.

Link to comment

I have to agree with the others. You'll have to be prepared for him to deny it and the possible (slim) chance he is negative.


If you have been regularly tested and know for sure it's him, well then I'd go with what hippyherpy said. Don't accuse him of being positive, just share that you are. Or don't. While I advocate disclosing after diagnosis, I don't see the point in going back and informing every partner you've had. Even if someone ends up positive, there's no way of knowing where it came from, if that makes any sense? You could get someone that blames you for their positive diagnosis. People just don't understand the stats and how common it really is.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...