How do I even ask my past partners

[Lifegoesonn]

So I got the outbreak from hell in April and my ex was the only man I was with from when 2017 started, my last different partner was in the middle of December of 2016 , he was a guy I worked w. We had sex 3 times in the beginning of 2016 then the summer and then December 2016 something tells me it was him but I'm scarred to ask him and out myself out there because I went hard on my ex and he didn't even have it, I wanna ask him but idk, I get mad when I think about the pain I went through and having to go to my local pharmacy to pick up valtrex and miss work and school for 2 weeks and having nobody to blame that's pissee me off the most because I feel like they knew they had it , part of it I blame myself thinking I was invincible , I wasent being a whore but I feel like I should have took it more easy like I use to always do, i guess for some reason w the 5 ppl I slept w in 2016 I trusted them for some reason even though we were using condoms but I do have a feeling I know where it came from one of the guys I slept w that was a onetime thing I met him in a club and I thought he was gorgeous one of best looking guys I ever seen, so we texted for about a week and a half and I went to his house not even planning to have sex but I made sure I was shaved just in case, we talking for hours and watched tv then he started to kiss me then he started to touch me and I said no let's just chill then he pressured me into he kept kissing me and turning me on to the point I couldn't stop I gave in he told me to rub his penis on my clit before he put the condom and we had sex I did it not thinking. Nothing of it and probably told me to do that cus he knew he had it I pray that's not why he told me to that for those reasons because as I look back he was the most skin contact I had with down there and plus he was shaved I don't even talk to him anymore because he turned out to be weird and very promiscuous

 

Bottom line is I wanna ask him matter fact tell him I know what you have it's not fair somebody can just get away with this Scott free, sometimes I wanna kill his cocky attitude and confidence like he did mine and let him know I know your secret just because he purposely tries to give it to me and the hell I went through for those 2 weeks and the past 7 months but idk how cause it's been over a year and a half since that one time encounter.

But the. Who knows I probably had it before him , I swear life is not fair ..

 

[HikingGirl]

It can be really frustrating not knowing who we got it from. I don’t know either. But now that I know nearly 90% of those with HSV2 don’t know they have it, it could have been several people. Hell, I had it for 18-25 years and had no idea....I’d still be ignorant had I not happened to get STD testing from a clinic that tests for it after my divorce (my ex-husband later tested negative, so I know I got it before I was married).

 

I gave myself grief for a long time about how maybe I shouldn’t have slept with this person or that person, or I should have been better educated about STDs. Of course, now that I know better, I’ll do better. Eventually I got tired of being mad at myself....it used so much energy that I just didn’t have. It’s rare now that I have a down day, but when I do, I remind myself that it doesn’t matter who I got it from, whether they knew (because they probably didn’t), and whether I should have made different decisions. What matters is my attitude and my choices going forward.

 

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been there, and it sucks. {{{hugs}}}

[hippyherpy]

I have no idea who gave it to me, or if they knew they had it or whatever. It's irrelevant. You got it and you got it. That's all. Almost everyone has it.

[lostandconfused99]

^^ I am not to that point yet. I want to know who gave it to me! I’m still so angry and hurt that that someone gave this to me and didn’t give me the choice to decide if I wanted to be with them or not and risk getting this on my own, knowing the details. To me, it’s still relevant.

[RegularGuy]

I feel compelled to put in my opinion.

From my short 2ish months experience, it seems that dwelling on how and why are only going to cause more negative feelings about myself.

I certainly did rack my brain over how and why. Just like many have. It made me feel angry, sad, and cause me to feel crushing depression.

Deciding to look to the future, and make plans to do what I enjoy, and makes me feel accomplished, as much as possible has helped me a ton. It's not easy to steer the negative train of thoughts and emotions toward the future, and to make it a positive future that I picture. But, it is the biggest factor in feeling like myself again.

 

Trust that herpes doesn't change who you are. You will be able to accomplish all of the goals you have set for yourself, and to live your life the way you want to!

You are, and will continue to be the great person you always have been!

[hippyherpy]

You can decide to be angry or you can decide to accept the reality of this negligible skin condition that pretty much everyone has. You can take the herpes opportunity or you can you use it as an excuse to sulk. Either way is fine but you know what you need to to do.