I'm 99.9% sure I have Genital Herpes.

[Ruiner]

I also agree. I feel that now because I have the virus, my only option for a relationship are those who also have the virus. I even hear they have specific dating sites for people who are H+ which honestly just makes me feel more alienated from society.

 

And yes, I pray for the day where I can wake up and not be clouded by thoughts of disgust/guilt and shame. Hopefully that day comes sooner than later. It's funny how one mistake (if I should even call it that) can tarnish the rest of your life (so sad)!

 

And I can't even think of what disclosing this to a potential partner would be like. I would honestly tell them they're better off not sleeping/being with me in worry of them getting infected.

 

The stigma around H is so great and as soon as the word is even mentioned people get a weird look on their face (I was one of them.)

 

Shoot, maybe we'll find one love one day with another H+ person. Gotta stay positive right? (I'm dying inside as I type this lol).

[lostandconfused99]

@jack101 I am going to contact my doctors office on tomorrow and double check how the diagnosis cane about. I am fairly certain it was a blood test, but can’t be 100% on this. Can they do a culture if there are no open lesions to test?

 

@ruiner not that I want anyone to feel all the emotions that I am feeling about being H+, I am thankful that I’m not alone in the shame, disgust, guilt, and the dark gloomy cloud above me. I’m hoping for the sooner rather than later on this getting better as well!!

[Ruiner]

Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread. It is much appreciated.

 

May the force be with you my friend.

 

 

[Ruiner]

Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread. It is much appreciated.

 

May the force be with you my friend.

 

 

[Jack101]

@ lostandconfused99. No, they can not do a culture or PCR if there are no lesions. They can attempt a random swab to test for asymptomatic shedding, but that is only done in research settings. If you were diagnosed by blood test, confirm it was a IgG test and not IgM.

 

I am a medical professional and I am shocked that nobody went over your results with you and the possibilities that they represent. You likely have HSV-1 orally otherwise known as the cold sore virus. If you do not remember a outbreak, it likely occurred as a young child and you simply have no knowledge of the incident. That is the case with the majority of people who do not know they are infected with HSV-1. The only reason to do HSV-1 blood tests in the absence of lesions is to confirm that you are not suspectible to genital HSV-1 infection.

 

You do have herpes, but you likely do not have genital herpes which is what lay people associate with herpes. What you should know is, if you perform oral sex on a person who is HSV-1 negative, they may contract genital herpes. So you and your partner may choose to infect them orally by kissing for a few months before intercourse.

 

[lostandconfused99]

@jack101 my doctor was not much use to me once she told me I was H+. To be honest, I had to call her back because I felt there were so many unanswered questions, and when I asked her things I felt she seemed annoyed that I was bothering her. Most likely will be finding a new OBGYN because of this, but am not ready to make that move quite yet.

 

As for oral or genital HSV1, I am certain it is genital. Once she told me my results, I started doing research and STRESSING A LOT, I started have many symptoms down below, but still no noticeable OB. I am left to presume the oral HSV1 would have different symptoms than the genital HSV1, is that correct?

 

Now for when I became H+, idk for sure, but being that I am a mom of 3, I have been tested all 3 times, and all those tests came back negative. So sadly I am left to feel that I was to have been infected within the last 7 years (how old my youngest is).

[lostandconfused99]

@Ruiner I wish you the best of luck!!

[Jack101]

@lostandconfused99. It is hard to be sure. The most common blood test the herpes-select misses approximately 30% of HSV-1 infections. So while a positive result may confirm infection, a negative result does not exclude infection. May I know your index values to ensure the result does not represent a false positive. In addition, I am assuming you have kissed someone in the last seven years which could be a source of oral herpes.

 

What are your symptoms? Herpes with the possible exception of post-herpetic neuraglia (which in my opinion is to often diagnosed to without investigation) is a episodic disease with flares and remissions. It is not a disease where you occasional feel something in the morning, afternoon, and then the next few days on a continuous basis.

 

In your case, unless a lesion develops you simply have a HSV-1 infection with indeterminate location and that is all you can disclose to your partners.

 

While you think you are in the minority you are not. 63% of women that have had children are seropositive for HSV-1 and 22% are seropositive for HSV-2. In fact only 28% are HSV seronegative in some studies.

 

In general, I think people are going about disclosing there herpes status the wrong way. In my opinion, both parties should be STD tested before any disclosure as your partner likely already has HSV-1 and does not know it.

 

Ignorance of an infection is not equivalent to absence of an infection.

 

 

[lostandconfused99]

I don’t know any numbers or any tests, aside from blood drawn and a swab done during my annual. I will be calling tomorrow to find out the answers to those questions.

 

As for symptoms, I’ve never had any until after my doctor told me I was positive. But the symptoms I have now are burning and itching. And also prickly pin like feelings. All in the southern region, which leads me to believe that it is Genital, not oral. All the symptoms are gone, except the occasional itch, however I don’t know if it’s a “symptom” or if it’s because I’m too scared to groom myself now (reading too much has freaked me out). I normally get waxed every 3 to 4 weeks, but just can’t bring myself to go back now. And also can’t bring myself to shave, in fear of causing an OB. Again, reading too much has freaked me the eff out!

[Ruiner]

@Jack101

 

Hey Jack I just want to thank you for responding to my thread.

 

Seeing as how you're a medical professional, how long does it take for these lesions/blisters to go away? The severe flu like symptoms have seem to dissipated but the lesions are just getting worse. It seems they're actually spreading now (F@#$).

 

They are extremely painful and make it hard to perform regular daily tasks. So like do they get worse before they get better or...?

 

I searched on google images 'Genital herpes in men' and my case seems to be worse than any I've seen (I'm scared as hell.) I'm just curious if there is any way to stop them from spreading or how to alleviate the pain? Oh and how long it takes for them to 'go away'.

 

Any advice is much appreciated!

[HikingGirl]

I truly can’t wait to get to this point. So many of you are so excepting, but is it only because we all are H+? Would you be just as accepting if you weren’t? The thoughts that are in my mind I can’t control. It’s never ending...

 

I won’t speak for others here, but for me, the reason I am accepting of my diagnosis today is because I got educated about HSV and started disputing the negative, stigma-related thoughts I was having. Had I encountered herpes before my diagnosis, I would have run in the other direction as well. Now that I know better, I’ll make different decisions. It has to start somewhere, right? Just because there’s a stigma out there doesn’t mean I have to buy into it now that I have the facts. Either a potential partner is going to be educated or willing to be educated, or else we’re not going to be a good fit.

 

The non-stop barrage of negative thoughts is pretty common with a new diagnosis. In my case, it lasted eight torturous months before I sought help. Please don’t make the mistake of accepting all of your thoughts as truth! You may not be able to prevent a thought from arising, but you sure as hell can do something to dispute it. If we’re not intentional about how we respond to negative thoughts, we’re giving all of our power away.

 

[Ruiner]

 

 

 

The non-stop barrage of negative thoughts is pretty common with a new diagnosis. In my case, it lasted eight torturous months before I sought help. Please don’t make the mistake of accepting all of your thoughts as truth! You may not be able to prevent a thought from arising, but you sure as hell can do something to dispute it. If we’re not intentional about how we respond to negative thoughts, we’re giving all of our power away.

 

I agree. If we're not conscious of the negative thoughts they are free to run rampant and dominate our lives.

 

I'm curious as to what 'help' you sought to before the intrusive thoughts stopped. Maybe I could benefit from this.

 

Thanks!

 

 

[HikingGirl]

@Ruiner, I went back to a counselor I had seen after my divorce. Given how upset I was, she did an EMDR treatment with me. It was kind of weird, and I kept thinking I had no idea how it’d help, but I already had a rapport with her so I just went with it. I stopped to use the restroom after the session before going back to work, and all the sudden it occurred to me how many similarities there were (in terms of beliefs and emotions) between my herpes diagnosis and a brief period of sexual abuse when I was seven. I spent another two sessions working through that, and it was like a clogged drain had been cleared. It was a turning point that changed everything for me. I won’t say it was all roses after that, but it became much easier for me to dispute my negative thoughts and to even consider that I could live a happy, fulfilled life with HSV.

[Ruiner]

Oh okay. It looks like the therapy really helped you get your brain on track. I will consider seeking some.Thank you for sharing!

 

So now the big question. Are you able to live a fulfilled life with HSV?

[HikingGirl]

@Ruiner Absolutely!! I’m 44, and happier and more content now than I have ever been. Am I dating? No. I divorced a couple of years ago, went through some major changes at work, got diagnosed with herpes, and spent the better part of the last year doing some intense caregiving for my 15 year-old golden retriever (who passed away 10 days ago). In the next few months, I’ll also be selling my house and moving, so I’ve had my hands full. And having been married for 15 years to someone who is addicted to drama means I have an exceptionally low tolerance level for anyone else’s bullshit.

 

Sometimes I miss having a little romance in my life, and I think I’d like to try some casual dating next year once I’m moved. But honestly, I’m really really really enjoying focusing on ME, doing the things I want, trying new things, reevaluating what’s important to me, attending to my health (exercise, eating well, etc.), and strengthening the friendships and family relationships I sorely neglected while I was married. And I booked a bucket-list trip to Peru for next summer. :)

 

I love the saying that a relationship should be the icing on the cake—not the whole cake. When I divorced and my work situation changed, I realized how much I relied on validation from other people. And that certainly would have had a factor in my initial reaction to the herpes diagnosis, because rejection just felt like a death sentence. Everything looks so different now because rejection doesn’t loom so large. Yes, rejection sucks, but what’s the worst that could happen? I go back to the awesome life I have right now, loving myself and having a strong support network in place? Ha! Before I get into another serious relationship, I’m going to have a very tall, fluffy and intact cake!!!! He’s also going to have to be someone really special, because I am never again going to lose who I am as a person so I can attend to someone else’s needs. That person will also need to be in a place where I am the icing on their cake (and not the whole cake).

[Ruiner]

That is very relieving to hear. And sorry to hear about your pup (my dog passed away recently too).

 

That's good to hear that you're focusing more on yourself now such as health and friend/family relationships. I think I will do the same. This is inspiring for me to read.

 

And I agree with your saying that a relationship should be the 'icing on the cake-not the whole cake'. I feel people now a days are so focused on just not being alone that they jump into relationships without really considering what they're doing.

 

I was also recently (well sort of, about four months ago) with someone who was co-dependent and loved drama. Whatever I did never seemed good enough for them and I was always on edge that they would cheat given their promiscuous past. I think this diagnosis will help me in being okay alone and will help me build my own 'cake' haha.

 

Thank you for your response, it was a treat to read!

 

[Jack101]

@Ruiner, Sorry to hear that your symptoms are bad. The lesions in a first outbreak generally last about 2-4 weeks and at times a second crop of lesions can occur. You should be on acyclovir to shorten the outbreak. Once you have your diagnosis and type of HSV (I believe you are likely to have HSV-1) further management can be decided. Please have the doctor swab the lesions to determine the type. If you have oral lesions, they should be swabbed as well.

 

In addition, you should know that your life is not over. As you are fairly young it may take you a while to get some prospective, but anyone that does not want to be with you because of HSV is not worth being with.

 

In addition, due to your age, I was wondering if you had received the HPV vaccination. If not, I recommend it for you. HPV is currently not routinely tested for and actually is now the number #1 cause of head and neck cancer in men.

 

On a side note, for anyone here feeling a social stigma I have good news for you. I expect a test for HPV antibodies will be made available soon and all the people you feel that are judging, will soon join the STI camp.

 

[Ruiner]

Two to four weeks okay not too bad (trying to be optimistic here haha.)

 

I'm scared to make an appointment as I'm on my dad's health insurance. If I test positive will he be able to find out? I really don't want anyone to know about my condition until I'm more comfortable with it.

 

And thank you for assuring me that my life is not over. I just think I'm still in the disbelief/shock state of the whole thing.

 

I haven't received the HPV vaccination but will definitely look into it.

 

Thank you for responding.

[lostandconfused99]

@ruiner your dad may be able to see you’ve gone to the doctors, but he certainly won’t know why, unless you inform him. HIPAA prevents anyone from being told anything, without your consent.

[Ruiner]

@lostandconfused99

 

Well that's a relief. I don't know what I would do if he found out. So when scheduling an appointment do I just like say "Hey I think I have h@#$%s can you guys help?" lol.

 

Update on the lesions: They were so painful this morning I could barely walk and they seem to still be spreading. This is undoubtedly the worst pain I've ever felt considering I've broken multiple bones in my time. Just popped six ibuprofens, hopefully that helps with the pain.

 

I wouldn't wish this virus on my worst enemy!

[hippyherpy]

Sorry to hear that Ruiner. It's unfortunate that you are not only in the small 20% minority of people who get symptoms, but the even tinier group of those people who have strong symptoms. They will likely subside over time.

[Ruiner]

@hippyherpy

 

Thank you for your response.

 

Yeah, this is some fucked up shit. I thought the lesions from H would just be itchy/tingly.... Noooooo. Hopefully the ibuprofen will kick in soon. Maybe I can get some Oxy codone or something to ease this unbearable pain.

 

I guess in the mean time I'll try to stay positive about this whole thing. I'm reading "A Man's search for meaning" right now which is helping me bring contrast to my scenario and it is helping a little.

 

And yes hopefully they subside over time.

[lostandconfused99]

@ruiner I would just call you doctor and make the appt for a screening for all STD’s. Once there, tell your doctor personally what is going on. I don’t believe that is a convo I would want to have with the receptionist or whomever answers phones and does scheduling. But be sure to get the appt for ASAP!!

 

And I truly hope you feel better soon and get some relief!

[Ruiner]

Okay will do. And yeah that might be an awkward conversation haha.

 

And thank you for wishing me relief, hopefully it comes soon.