I feel like ending it since acyclovir stopped working

[iamgemma]

Hi all,

 

I'm stressing big time. I got herpes seven years ago and it was an awful experience -- really painful outbreak, plus the guy tried to accuse me of knowing I had it and trying to give it to HIM. I'm certain he gave it to me because I never ever had a symptom until a few days after we had sex.

 

Anyway, I hated myself after that. I got into a relationship with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive man and stayed there for six years. We rarely had sex because I didn't want to, which is a big part of why that relationship ended (although it's for the best).

 

Now, I'm finally, FINALLY seeing someone that I truly like. I would almost say I'm in love, but we haven't been dating long enough to be sure. He knows about the HSV and we've had sex a few times.

 

I usually take acyclovir episodically. The first two years I was diagnosed, I tried all the natural stuff, but I was obsessively examining myself. I finally gave up and realized I couldn't fix it so I was going to ignore it. My ex didn't care about it, so there was no reason to worry about spreading the virus (and he suspected he may have had it too due to some symptoms).

 

Anyway, after I discovered that corn and oats are big triggers, I really haven't had a bad outbreak in years. I get frequent symptoms, though -- mostly what I call "achy skin" which is just where the skin feels tender and thin, like wet tissue paper that will tear easily.

 

It resolves in a few days, typically.

 

Now since dating this new man who is HSV- I've been taking suppressive acyclovir and it's not working!!! I got a small outbreak last week that was just basically red skin and went away quickly, right before my period. Now my period is clear, my diet has been great, I'm taking umpteen antiviral supplements AND the suppressive acyclovir and I got a HORRIBLE outbreak.

 

The skin started out sore, and now I have small red bumps everywhere!!! I haven't had blisters in YEARS!

 

The only thing I did differently was to put a bit of zinc ointment on the area because I read that it can stop outbreaks from forming and I thought it might help with the red skin herpes rashes that I get. Could this have made things worse?!

 

This just sucks. I'm feeling so down and depressed. I finally -- FINALLY -- meet a man that I'd actually like to be intimate with, like I actually enjoy it, and I'm dealing with this crappy virus.

 

I feel like the only way to end the virus is to end myself.

[RegularGuy]

First of all, don't do anything drastic!

I'm really sorry to read that things are so difficult right now. But you do still have options that you haven't exhausted yet!

I would recommend that you start by talking to your boyfriend about how frustrated and depressed your symptoms are making you. At very least, so that he can try to empathize (a very difficult thing for us dudes).

Next, you would benefit from talking to your doctor, if you haven't already.

Acyclovir is only one brand out of many that suppress HSV. Try asking your doctor about switching brands, because they each effect different people different ways, much like birth control, from what I understand.

Finally, take a look at your diet. If you have to go straight Baked chicken and white rice for a couple days, that's a hell of a lot more productive and way easier than planning out how to hurt yourself without hurting everyone you care about.

 

Big point against extreme actions, they always hurt people you care about. And a choice that is self destructive will always cause those closest to you prolonged and miserable pain.

 

So do things the way that helps you and also helps your loved ones.

Talk to your doctor, review your diet critically, make a plan to get sleep, make a plan to get some hobbies worked into your schedule that allow you to relax and feel some contentment.

 

You deserve to do this. Your loved ones deserve to see you back on your feet again!

[iamgemma]

Hi RegularGuy, thanks for your response. I've been trying to work through this. 

Unfortunately, my doctor is less than useless. My health insurance got switched this year and I can no longer work with my long-time doctor. I have to go to an HMO and I get a different person every time. They don't care, they just shrug and prescribe antivirals which still aren't working.

I'm getting an outbreak about every three days. They're not severe -- just red, irritated skin that fades within a day or two, then I have a "quiet" day with no symptoms where I start to feel normal for a bit, but the next morning -- boom. Red skin is back.

In addition to the antivirals, I'm taking about 2500 mg of lysine a day, olive leaf extract, lomatium (antiviral herb), reishi and turkey tail mushrooms for immune support, b vitamins and folate, an herbal hormone support my former doctor recommended, cod liver oil, beta carotene, minerals and probably one or two other things I'm not recalling at the moment. I also use a topical skin ointment with vitamin A and lysine and some other nutrients in it. All of this is expensive, and maybe it's helping reduce symptoms but they're not gone entirely and that's wreaking havoc on my mental well-being.

Whenever I wake up in the morning with the red, sore skin, I crash into a deep depression. I'm sure therapy would be helpful, but I have the crappiest of crappy insurance and that's not an option, plus I can't afford the $150 a week to talk to someone out of pocket. And while I'm not wealthy by any stretch, I make too much money to qualify for low income programs (doesn't take much to top out of those).

I fail to see how baked chicken and white rice would be helpful. There are zero micronutrients in that. Also, I really hate chicken. I eat a healthy diet, have plenty of hobbies and friends and pets that I love. My life is really wonderful -- except this stupid virus. And I wouldn't even care if I had it as long as I didn't have the damn symptoms. Even an outbreak once in a while -- once every couple of months or so -- wouldn't be that big of a deal. But these constant and unrelenting symptoms are driving me crazy.

I can't switch my meds -- stupid HMO won't give me anything but Famvir. I was on Zovirax before and I think it worked better.

I'm watching my diet and finding things that I never reacted to before seem to be giving me trouble now. I don't know what the deal is. I keep doing internet searches for CRISPR and hoping to god that they get that shit going so they can CRISPR this fucking virus out of my body.

[Freedom87]

Im sorry your going through this. I think the worst thing is feeling not in control of ones body.

I agree doctors are no help. From reading your 2 post it seems your very stressed in several areas and understandably so! We can have great things in our lives and not even realize how much we truly are stressed. 

I use a diffuser with lavender essential oils in it overnight as thats when my stress is most high. May be something to look into! As stress can cause flare ups.

Also it seems you have taken a very natural approach to your health but if you havent already,  look into only washing with baking soda.

Something changed that your now suffering these constant OB so it may do you well to keep a journal of everything you do and eat, even document your emotions. You may find a pattern!!

If your ever feeling that low again. Im here to talk 🙂

Hope this helps!

[LotusBud]

Sorry you are in so much pain! 

Antivirals have never worked for me or my partner. Got a resistant strain. Yay!

When I'm having prodrome or an OB, I up my lysine to 9000mg (3000  x 3 times per day). I also take lemon balm capsules as a nerve tonic (traditional usage). Seems to calm things. Maintenance for the lemon balm is 2400mg; times 3 for OB. It's relatively inexpensive. (I know those adaptogenic mushroom supplements are pricey.)

You don't mention if you are doing cold packs on the area. I swear by them. Even better for me is having a fan blow on the bare area for a half hour a couple times a day (during OB) while I read or watch comedies. Cools and dries and can act as stress -reducer depending on what you choose to do while waiting.

Let us know if/ when you figure it out. It could happen to any of us and it could help us be prepared. 

Good luck!!!

 

[Sumshine]

Jeeze!!! Have you tried valtrex? Every three days seems extreme coming from someone whose had this decades. I have a high stress job, but never have obs since on acyclovir. I ditto everything @RegularGuy said!!  Are you certain the "red achy skin" is, in fact, an ob? I wonder if its a side effect from some of the creams!?? Just grasping at straws here.

[SD1990]

In addition to the medications, I think it would be really good for you to talk to a therapist. These forums are great, but it really helps to talk to someone in person, and allow yourself to be known. Anonymity is great with Herpes, but its also really important to have acceptance for the feelings you're having. Feeling Suicidal is a big deal, and you need someone who you can depend on! Plus, they could probably help you develop strategies to cope with your diagnosis. 

Really everyone should probably be seeing a therapist. It doesn't make you weak.