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Still very new to this, in shock

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i am very new to this and still in shock over my diagnosis which I still have to follow up on . 


I am 44 single never married no kids . I can't help feeling completely defeated right now when I think of finding a partner . Things were tough before this - but I was at least free to get out there flirt and have the occasional fling . I feel completely lost right now . 


I also wasn't really worried about the physical symptoms until I started reading all these experiences ! If things only improve after years - will I be in my 50s before tings settle down? 


Ive only had my initial OB so far and am now on suppressive therapy as I was super anxious about getting it . 


Please help. I really don't know where to turn . 


Much love 💕 

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  • mr_hopp changed the title to Still very new to this, in shock

Hello Next Step,

My heart goes out to you. I know I felt the same way, like I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life alone. Actually was fully committed to being alone and shunned any overtures from men for about a year.

But after reading of successful dating with H stories on this forum and others I became hopeful. I had a successful disclosure and dated a great guy, and I'm quite a bit older than you (55). Unfortunately that relationship didn't work out and I'm still hurting from the loss, but at least I know that there are guys out there who, if disclosure is made in the right way, won't run away screaming. Actually, at this point I come to believe MOST guys won't run away screaming. So chin up girl!

Regarding the physical aspects of the infection, everyone has a different story. Some have frequent outbreaks but most don't, especially if they're on suppressive therapy. I didn't have any outbreaks at all while on suppressive therapy, and have been off for a few months now and still haven't had any.

Poke around on this site--there's a wealth of information and you'll find many reasons to be encouraged!

Consider yourself hugged. You're going to be okay 🙂


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thank you so very much for replying makes me feel less alone with my thoughts which can be overwhelming. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have gone back on my meds in the last couple weeks but feel I can't seem to do much more than get my head  above water . I blame myself and my previous choices - including my apparent lack of self worth because I although I never really slept around I didn't really screen well - just thought " I'd try it out and have fun ". 

In today's world connection seems so hard to find and I can't imagine being accepted with this - when it was so hard even before . 

I know it's a process and I have worked on myself a lot the last few years and this feels like such a derailment or even a punishment for not being true to who I am.


im sorry for being negative despite your very kind message - I just haven't had anyone to talk to.


much much love ❤️ 

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For people with recurrent outbreaks things typically have a significant shift at about 1 year out as the body adapts to the virus, then start to get better year by year after that. A year is still a long time, but it's not a life sentence! Keep in mind that the vast majority of people with this condition experience the physical symptoms as a mild annoyance. 

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Next Step,

You are so not alone! Herpes is super common. Look around you and know *at least* one in six have genital herpes. You will find a new normal and one day it'll be such a small part of your life you'll hardly remember it. Bear with me while I tell you a story.

I had a run in with breast cancer that ultimately got me a new set of boobs. The surgeon's handiwork was marvelous but believe me reconstructed boobs look nothing like the beautiful boob jobs women get to look hot. When looking in the mirror, I thought like I was lady Frankenstein, sooo weird looking and absolutely sure my husband (at the time, now divorced) or any other man would recoil in horror once they saw me with my clothes off. To my amazement, **that absolutely never happened.** Actually the first guy I was with emphatically said he was attracted to ME and he could give a crap about the weird boobs. Totally not an issue. Next BF echoed his sentiment. So once upon a time my reconstructed boobs were all I could think about and now I hardly ever do. My strange boobs are only one of a million various traits that make me... Well, me. Similarly, herpes is only one aspect of my life, both fake boobs and H the consequence of a life LIVED.

Now I'm not going to tell you you'll never face rejection because of H, you might. But there are all sorts of reasons people get rejected that don't seem fair (too short, too old, too poor etc.) So what? Rejection is a part of life and everyone needs to be able to just roll with it else we sit inside and sob all day, with no chance of ever achieving our dreaams.

Last, getting out among people can be very helpful to lift your depression. Why not join a Meetup group? It's great to get out and talk about anything not herpes. I belong to several hiking groups and a science book club group. These are not dating groups mind you, but just people with shared interests. I've met some really interesting folks that way and several have become beloved friends. And, I did date one or two hiker guys 🙂

Sorry for the long diatribe. I just really want you to know it'll be okay in time. Take care of ((you))!


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