Dating standards and a herpes diagnosis

[SD1990]

Hello Everyone,

I had a quick question for you all. I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 about a year ago while in a relationship. We broke up recently, and I am currently looking at dating again. I'm curious how has your diagnosis affected your outlook on dating? Have you had to lower your standards at all, or is it just a numbers game, where you expect a little more rejection? I'd be curious to hear from men and women on this. Thanks.

[_a_rayofsunshine_]

My standards remain. I never was a people pleaser & never cared about what ppl thought of me, so it’s easy for me to disclose & I already know some ppl are okay w/ it and others not. I like to disclose before even wasting too much time. It’s always before i meet them in person. Makes it easier before anyone becomes attached. 

[Notgoingthere]

My standards have not fallen, but the fear remains of being rejected because of it. Still in the process of understanding when to tell the person. 

So far I’ve been nothing but rejected. I’ve tried different methods; telling out right, waiting for a month, saying it randomly... I’m pretty clueless. I have heard from a friend and on here that waiting until you trust that person is better. I’ve also been told by those that have rejected me that I should have told them before the first date. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ 

 

Good luck! 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

Do not lower your standards!

In my opinion, having herpes is a great barometer for relationship potential. If they reject you off the bat they were only interested in one thing. I've disclosed to 3 men-the one I was with at the time of diagnosis, the one I'm with now, and another that I was trying to put off (obviously that went nowhere!) and it had zero effect on their desire to be with me.

If I was in the dating scene, I would probably wait until after the first date. If I'm still interested to see them again I'd put it out there, if they rejected me, no loss, it was only one date.

[Guy00]

I unfortunately have to except my situation as being a little worse as mine is spread throughout which makes it very difficult for me to have physical intimacy. So Its more about those who except me.  And from those I try to see if we connect.  But it's becoming evident to me I shouldn't just be excepting someone just because they except me and now I'm starting to realize I might be better holding off trying to find someone for a few years. 

[MonaYao]

I was 25 when I was diagnosed and I’m 29 now, with a long-term boyfriend who’s proposing soon, a career and my own home. I met my bf on an app called Herpes Dating. It's a place to talk or listen to other patients' stories. I think you might find it comforting to know you’re not alone. You don't have to lower your standards, someone who loves you will understand and accept it. 

[MonaYao]

I was 25 when I was diagnosed and I’m 29 now, with a long-term boyfriend who’s proposing soon, a career and my own home. I met my bf on an app called Herpes Dating. It's a place to talk or listen to other patients' stories. I think you might find it comforting to know you’re not alone. You don't have to lower your standards, someone who loves you will understand and accept it. 

[Amando]

Hi SD190

Never lower your standards, ever! 🙂
Just date as you did in the past, the only difference now is to disclose!

Personally, I disclose after I have got to know them & know it is going to get intimate but sadly that way can & in my case did hurt the most but heyho, move on!

@_a_rayofsunshine_ think your way of disclosing is very brave, I would of thought more chance of rejection as the person does not know you, but I totally get where your coming from, as hurts a lot less if you haven't invested in them.

@Notgoingthere you have just been unlucky or they have been fools, keep trying, you will find a great guy 😉 

Good luck to all disclosures 😄