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I am not complete

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It’s been almost 2 years since I got diagnosed but I’m still not recovered mentally. One of my most important body parts is ruined. I do everything to avoid outbreaks but discomfort still lingers almost always. The part of me that is supposed to bring me pleasure is only making me annoyed and hopeless. As a woman I used to see it as kind of a sacred place, that’s hidden and is complex and it’s a great experience to share it with someone I let in. Now it’s dangerous for others’ health if I were to get intimate with anyone... I feel like I’ve lost a part of me mentally/spiritually. I’m only 22. I have only ever had 5 encounters before I caught the virus from someone who knew he had it, and they all were almost-consensual one night stands. I had yet to really desire someone. I was never irresponsible. This one guy took me home after an anything but successful date and I was so sad and afraid and maybe hoping for a better end to the night than the rest of it was that I let him. We used a condom but “that was the last one he had” and while I was tired and trying to sleep I “agreed” to do it without one the second time. 

Is my life over forever or? I really have no idea. 

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 Hi unbreakable

You are 22 & I can tell you with absolutely no doubt at all, your life is far from over!

Yes you have been dealt a cruel hand of fate but it is things like this that can make us stronger & the people
we then become & you have got a lot of living left to do yet.

Being young probably makes its even harder to deal with mentally but it will get easier.
Maybe you could get some counselling to help you or having someone close to talk to also helps a lot.

I like your analyse of a sacred place, it is not ruined at all, a little compromised maybe but again it will get easier with time.

Keep your chin up, you will get there, Big Hugs 😊


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  • 4 weeks later...

@unbreakable i'm in the same boat right now. I'm 25 yo girl who got this from my one and only person i have been with and it makes me so sad that the first time i had sex i got something (it was a long term relationship but now its ended), i feel I didn't deserve this... i mean my first time... its so unfair 😭 I feel so alone and i can't think anything else than people rejecting me because of this...

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Well, just remember that the people rejecting most likely have it themselves and don't know it.  But either way, it's not a big deal and just an inconvenience.  Keeping things in perspective, thousands die every year from the flu virus and no one freaks out over the flu.  And 10's of thousands die in car accidents every year, yet we continue to drive without fear.  So why should we fear what is basically a minor skin rash for many people?  I've had it for at least over 20 years (maybe longer), and never knew because I never had an outbreak that I noticed.  Sadly, the sigma is greater than the actual virus.

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It is true we have to re-love ourselves and our sexual parts, but is doable.

The fact that herpes is an on-and-off illness, gives us the chance to recover and understand we are not 100% of the time outbreaking or shedding, so we aren't that dangerous or contagious. Many people catches the common flu once or twice a year, so our goal needs to be bringing our outbreaks to something similar, using all the tools we have.

Most of the time we'll be fine, and if we take the medication and keep a mature monitoring, we'll bring the outbreaks and shedding to an anecdotical lapse.

You'll be an awesome woman (and lover) with this thing or without it.

Also, because of hornyness and less of an stigma, we guys are (eventually) more willing to accept an infected partner - specially if there's a long-term commitment orientation in the relationship.


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