Disclosed to friend who disclosed too! But...

[LittleStar]

Hey all,

I’m an old time HSV carrier (almost 4 years) and currently in a loving, long term relationship with my wonderful partner who accepts me unconditionally.

Last night, I went out with a girlfriend and we were on the topic of health (I have recently been diagnosed with the high-risk HPV strain - much scarier than herpes!) and I was comfortable enough to tell her about my HSV status.

I was surprised (but at the same time, not really) to learn she also caught HSV many years ago. 

The reason I’m writing about this is because I was disappointed to learn that she has never disclosed. She is also in a long-term relationship but says she wouldn’t tell her partner. I found this quite difficult to navigate just because I could never imagine doing the same.

Do I just support her decision or encourage her to be honest? I know she is scared of her partners reaction, but I don’t agree or think it’s a good excuse.

She says she doesn’t experience outbreaks and she would only disclose if she did. She even said that if he caught it from her, she would play ignorant and act as though she has no idea. 

She is a lovely, caring soul who I think is maybe in denial because it’s been so long since she caught it and seemed to believe that she “had it” rather than “has it”.

I do not want to cross the boundary. Do I just move on knowing that I am doing the right thing in my own life and leave others to make their own choices?

Star xx

[Whymewhynow]

13 hours ago, LittleStar said:

Hey all,

I’m an old time HSV carrier (almost 4 years) and currently in a loving, long term relationship with my wonderful partner who accepts me unconditionally.

Last night, I went out with a girlfriend and we were on the topic of health (I have recently been diagnosed with the high-risk HPV strain - much scarier than herpes!) and I was comfortable enough to tell her about my HSV status.

I was surprised (but at the same time, not really) to learn she also caught HSV many years ago. 

The reason I’m writing about this is because I was disappointed to learn that she has never disclosed. She is also in a long-term relationship but says she wouldn’t tell her partner. I found this quite difficult to navigate just because I could never imagine doing the same.

Do I just support her decision or encourage her to be honest? I know she is scared of her partners reaction, but I don’t agree or think it’s a good excuse.

She says she doesn’t experience outbreaks and she would only disclose if she did. She even said that if he caught it from her, she would play ignorant and act as though she has no idea. 

She is a lovely, caring soul who I think is maybe in denial because it’s been so long since she caught it and seemed to believe that she “had it” rather than “has it”.

I do not want to cross the boundary. Do I just move on knowing that I am doing the right thing in my own life and leave others to make their own choices?

Star xx

I think that you should give her your true opinion. If you are real friends she will know that your concerns are coming from a good wholehearted place and not a place of judgement. 

[Whymewhynow]

Btw I am so sorry to hear about your HPV dx. 😥 Sending positive energy your way!💕

[unbreakable]

Guilt is sooo much worse than rejection, trust me! Next time the topic comes up let her know how you feel. It’s an important thing morally as well. Hell, even call her if it’s bothering you to let her keep doing this, don’t you let yourself feel like a partner in crime. Sorry to sound selfish but I’m speaking from experience. Her man deserves to know. If there are no outbreaks and he hasn’t caught it yet chances are it’s really just a harmless case of having H, no need to freak out about it. Wish y’all strength. 

[SeraLyn]

I agree with above, as a friend, you should be comfortable to tell her what you're thinking and she should be good with hearing your honest opinion.  I personally don't agree with non-disclosure as it takes away the choice for someone to decide if they want to take the risk.  For me personally, that's just not an option.  I wouldn't want someone to go through what I did now that I know.  I hope you two can have a true and honest discussion and she opens up to her mate.  

All the best to you and the HPV strain as well.  Sending you my best wishes.