misskellyrenee

I really liked that @positivelybeautiful !! I think I will!

Here are all the sites that have my story other than the reddit site http://www.brobible.com/life/article/girls-tinder-profile-brutally-honest-herpes/ http://www.unilad.co.uk/nsfw/girl-with-herpes-on-tinder-is-very-honest-about-her-condition/ https://fnews.com/this-girls-tinder-profile-is-brutally-honest-about-herpes-p3k5 https://lockerdome.com/6795302237775681/7634519016615700 http://www.fafmag.com/men/this-tinder-girl-is-brutally-honest-about-her-herpes-but-she-will-still-sleep-with-you/ https://www.facebook.com/BroBible?fref=ts https://www.facebook.com/brotipshq?fref=ts AAAAAND about 20 posts about it on twitter, people have favorited, retweeted, etc, sites that have about 60k-100k followers

So I began disclosing on all my dating profiles, one of which being Tinder (hey, I live in LA, what a good way to meet dudes). Some guy screenshot my bio of me disclosing and a picture of me with the top have of my face out of it, name and age still visible and posted it on Reddit. Within 15 hours it had nearly 300 comments, mostly all positive. Then, websites like FAF magazine, brobible, brotips, and a few others posted it on their facebook and twitter, other people shared and reposted- websites that have 60K followers or more. While I love the positivity, it bothers me that it has exploded like it has. Since getting it to disappear is unlikely since it is the internet and it is already out, I don't know what to do. I plan on talking to the websites and offering to talk/interview about it. That's one of my problems, its more of a "look at this," as opposed to talking about what it is like to get diagnosed, get depressed, have your boyfriend leave you and have to handle it alone. The websites did commend me for my honesty, but still, they leave out a big chunk of the story....MY story. My parents don't know I even have herpes, let alone this. My brother knows I have herpes but he doesn't know about this. I'm just really unsure now of what to do or how to feel about it.

Its happened more than once for me. Only once have I had a sex dream where I didn't disclose. This last time it was a hot older man with dark hair and his name was Clive.

I have had numerous sex dreams, and in 95% of them, I disclose to the other person. I am so responsible that I disclose even in my own damn dreams, when the sex is fictional. Anyone else do this?

Ok! I will do that! I have enough to do that!

Hey, So right before I went and got my H typed (turns out I have type 2), I stopped taking my acyclovir because I was almost out. I had been taking two pills twice a day. I started taking them because I was breaking out every time I cut myself shaving, and it was more inconvenient than painful. I am not currently sexually active or in a relationship. I was interested in seeing where my H was at in terms of my body having built up the strength to keep it at bay, as it has almost been a year since diagnosis and my first outbreak. Not long after I stopped, probably within a week, I had an outbreak. As of now, it is not severe. It hurts but it does not interfere with using the bathroom or walking or anything. Is this common when coming off the medication? I plan on resuming when I enter a relationship or when I get annoyed with constant outbreaks, so this isn't a permanent thing.

Well I showed up positive for type 2. I had already assumed that I had type 2, but it still feels like the whole "new diagnosis" kinda thing. Also, my ex had type 1 and not type 2. So He didn't pass it to me.

I've been wanting to do this for a while now, but my ex gave me that extra push. He was like "come on, you should know your type! Why put yourself through the stress of meds, etc, if you don't even need to!" Tough love is still love. So I bit the bullet and did it.

Yeah, I told her that I want to know which one I have for a fact, on paper. It changes how I disclose. She seemed resigned to the fact that type 1 prefers the mouth, type 2 prefers the genitals. I told her that a large part of new cases of genital herpes is type 1. Plus, there are plenty of cases of recurrent type 1. In addition to that, as a full time student, student employee, and volunteer at 3 different places, I am constantly stressed out in some way, I could be getting genital outbreaks in the same frequency I would be getting oral outbreaks. My recurrent outbreaks weren't really painful at all, as much as they were a bit annoying,

So a while ago I found out that the test that they ran on the blisters from my first outbreak didn't give me a specific type that I had. While I know that I have it, I am not sure which it is. Granted, I have had more than one outbreak and was getting them anytime finals came up or any time I cut myself shaving. I have an inclination that it is type 2, but then again, it could very well be type 1 and I am just so stressed out/anxious all the time that it comes up more for me. The doctor kept telling me that it is more than likely type 2 because it was recurring and although she was very nice and funny she seemed almost resistant to give me a blood test for it. I just want to be able to know which one I have and have it on paper as to which it is. I should know in a few days.

Yeah, I only wished it could have been in person, I generally like to hug it out after intense conversations like that. I definitely plan on keeping that guy around. He's a damn smart man!

me and him had a phone conversation, and it went a lot better than I thought. He had a lot to say, which surprised me, none of which was an "im sorry for this or that," kind of thing. Instead, he pointed out some things I never realized. He pointed out that all the time while I was pushing him to talk and saying how I was trying to be there for him, that I was really doing it for me, not for him. That I needed someone there for me. He felt like my reactions had more to do with the fact that he wasn't handling it the way I expected him to or wanted him to. That when I wrote my kiss off email claiming he abandoned me, that I was really doing that to him. Above all, I realized what I am capable of doing when I am angry and upset. I said things to him that I knew would be hurtful. I am sorry for that. We ended the conversation very positively. He told me he learned a lot from the situation, looks back on times with me positively and always enjoyed talking to me. He told me he never wanted to stop talking to me, that his door has always been open. So I agreed to keep the lines of communication open. He said that he always knew I would be allright, that I'm a tough chick and would handle myself. That he wondered what I was up to sometimes. I feel good, but that was an intense conversation dude.

So I sent it sunday, and monday night I hadn't heard anything, so I sent him a text saying that I had sent an email, that it was important. No response. I will give it a few more days to get a response.

Thank you very much!

Hey there, So I've moved passed the devastation phase of dealing with Herpes. I don't love my ex, who is more than likely my giver. I don't want to be with him, be friends with him, but I still have questions. I'm not even angry that he gave it to me because I know he got it the same way I did- on accident. I like to write letters and not send them, mainly so I can get things off my mind or break them down and reconstruct them and really get down to the nitty gritty. Its not that I spend a great deal of time thinking about it. I am interested in other people and have things outside of thinking about it and am actually a busy person. But since Herpes is background and I take my meds every day, and since it wasn't really all that long ago in history, I still think about it on a semi regular basis. I wonder what happened. I have a feeling his reaction had a lot less to do with me and more to do with him. But I want to know what happened. I want to wrap my mind around it and know what that situation was. Was it fear? Was it pain? Would he change anything about how he handled it? Does he feel bad for how it all went down? I want to wrap my mind around how 2 people can go through the same exact thing at the same exact time yet handle it so differently? I also wanted to reiterate why I pushed so hard. This is what I put in my "letter" to him: "All I had wanted to do was help, not because I ever thought you were incapable nor did I feel incapable. I just knew how it felt to go about it alone. It sucked taking myself to and from the doctor and not knowing what was going on. It sucked to want and need a hug and to only get one from a stranger. It was awful to be in a room full of people yet feel so isolated. It sucked to get the results on my own. I wanted to save you from having to experience that, because I would never want anyone, let alone someone I loved to experience that." Like I said, it isn't out of loneliness that I think these things. I just like to see things as they really are as opposed to putting my own spin on it.

I had to share this because I thought it was so cool. I am 24 and my friend is 26 and me and this girl are tight. We both respect each others' opinions and think out loud to each other. She has been a huge support for me when going through H and really let me work it out. She said something to me that made me really proud. She said that looking back on all the men that she has liked and been interested in, that statistically speaking a decent percentage of them would have had herpes and that knowing what she knows now, it wouldn't have much of an impact on her decision to stay with them, that it wouldn't really change them. There is a man that she is interested in now and she told me that as she is getting to know him, if he were to admit to having herpes that she wouldn't see it as a huge deal. Hooray for destroying the stigma one by one!

People show you who they really are in a crisis. If someone, whether it be a friend or a lover, takes off when you really need them, then what does that say about their part in your life? When it comes to determining someone's part in your future, try to observe how they treat you when you are wrong. Are they understanding and supportive or do they rub a victory in your face, throw out low blows, take pleasure in you being wrong? You need to have a serious talk with the guy. This time, don't mince words. He has zero reason to mistreat you because of this and you do not deserve being shamed AT ALL for it, regardless of how long you waited to tell him. You did the responsible thing of telling him before you slept together. He can stay or he can go, but treating you this way is absolutely not an option. If he can't keep those emotions in check by communicating with you, then this guy isn't for you.

The way I see it, it only slightly changes the way I disclose. I haven't had my herpes typed yet, they did a skin culture but they never typed it so I will actually need to get a blood test. I have mentally prepared myself for HSV2, but I wonder because so many new cases are type 1. Anyways, onto the disclosure. If it were type 1, I could explain that there is a high probability that he has it because 8-% of the population has it, therefore making the risk of transmission to genital herpes pretty damn slim. If it is type 2, I would throw out the idea that just because they choose to not sleep with me, doesn't mean that they won't come across it again, seeing how 1/4 women have it, most of whom don't even know. There is a good chance that the next woman they sleep with will have it, not know it, and the risk of transmission is higher than if they slept with me. With type 1 you can use the idea that society believes it is not an STD to an advantage. For type 2, I would go more for the cold hard truth

What Dancer said is exactly why I want to know and why I said it made a difference in how I disclose. It makes disclosure easier if I can say that if he has HSV-1 orally (which the majority of the population does) then the risks are much lower. Granted, I know I can still have successful disclosures regardless, but its about presenting the most accurate information as possible.

So when I was tested for herpes, they did a swab of the blister and it came back positive for herpes. I am not debating that I have it, but I had wondered which type I had. I'd had more than one outbreak before I went on antivirals. I decided to get an official answer to what type my herpes is. However, when I went to go get the official results, they showed me that it doesn't give my type anywhere in my record. All they had in the system was the test they did and that it came up positive for genital herpes. I am not positive if this means that it is type 2 or not. Do I now need to go get a blood test done? Its not a huge deal, even if it is type 2. I assumed that is what I had anyways. The last time I had sex before getting a positive diagnosis, I didn't receive oral sex, but that is assuming that my last sexual encounter is what gave me herpes. However, it does make a difference in how I disclose if I have HSV1 genitally.

Good for you @Dancer! Thats awesome!

I think it is about correcting it when we hear it. We don't have to state that we have it to correct it.

I think it is important to remind people of this, because it is the last bit of stigma. We can erase a lot of stigma with education but things like this are deeply imbedded, and are the last part of stigma to disappear. This is a challenge to that stigma.

A bit of a rant. Not in a bad mood or upset in the slightest. Just a bit inspired is all. This isn’t for the faint of heart, the prudish or the idealist. This isn’t a love story. This is for the realist. This is about sex. I will go out on a limb and tell you that it has been 7 months since I have been diagnosed with Herpes and 8 months since I have had sex, made out with someone, or been touched intimately by a man. That being said, you can imagine the things that go through my mind when I see an attractive man. “Hello, how are you?” meanwhile my brain fires off ‘take off your pants, take off your pants, oh my God please take off your pants.” If an even semi attractive guy made out with me and spoke to me in Spanish, that would be it. This is of course, all figurative and not literal. I have restraint and would hold back reasonably, but the thought is still there. When I describe this to my friends who know that I have it, mostly all of them can sympathize because the best kinds of supportive people understand that I am still a sexual person regardless of having H, or they just don’t think about it. Some of them use the opportunity to judge either out loud or silently. I get this feeling that when I describe my desire to someone, even jokingly, that I am being judged. Not that they are judging me for being a slut or being promiscuous. I think the judgement is more specific to “but you have herpes.” While no one has said that to me, I feel like that is the judgement behind many of these people’s “concerns.” To them, how dare I have sexual desire or to be horny? I have HERPES for God’s sake. I should be desiring holding hands, a relationship and a marriage, not a sexy man in my bed to rock my world. I should be craving ‘I love you,” not “I want you.” Don’t get me wrong, love is lovely. Holding hands is great and a relationship would be fantastic. But I am allowed to want sex and a relationship at the same time. I am allowed to want them from the same person but I am allowed to want one before the other. I am allowed to want just sex. Just because I have Herpes does not mean that I am some ruined woman who’s sex drive diminishes and only has the capacity to want a relationship. I am here to tell you that my sex drive is still very much here and very much kicking. It kicks like an overcaffeinated Beckham child. I know this has everything to do with them and not me. I know this is the stigma talking and has to do with the idea that we somehow deserve getting herpes or that we got it from being promiscuous. I am not even upset as I write this. Just contemplative after a conversation with a friend. I know it is something all of us have gone through at some point and I just wanted to write about it.