misskellyrenee

Glad you all appreciated the tips, tiz what I'm here for!

I am actually a nutritional science major, so I may be able to help you out. I try to follow the MyPlate recommendations which basically say to make half your plate veggies, 1/3 whole grains and 1/3 lean protein. Also include fruit. Veggies can be fresh or frozen, and frozen veggies can be relatively cheap. Protein- lean chicken, turkey or fish. Whole grains- whole grain pasta, lentils, pearled barley, brown rice, etc. Cutting back on added sugar is a biggie. It can be hard if you have a sweet tooth like I do! You can have some of the same things, but just in smaller portions. I know you said you are Italian and are accustomed to that diet, but it is workable. Choose red sauce over cream sauces and opt for smaller portions- dish your own plate. In my research, there isn't much link between diet and herpes. There is limited information on arginine rich foods and worsening an outbreak but not much information on it triggering an outbreak. They key is to take care of your mental health and being active. A healthy active lifestyle will help you make better choices in general. Its about keeping your immune system healthy. You can't really boost it (that one is a myth) but you can make up any deficits that you might have.

I was recalling my recent outbreak and how tired it made me, and one particular night after not sleeping well the previous night, I went to bed and slept for around 11 or 12 hours. Granted, I got up and went to the bathroom or checked a text now and again, but I know i clocked in at least 11 hours. What is the longest you've been able to sleep during an outbreak?

I had intense itching beforehand, and I think I had some uti type symptoms but I don't really recall paying much attention. I am a student, so feeling tired isn't anything new, and i get sick feelings if I haven't had enough sleep. I did however, during the outbreak have shooting pains in my right toes and calf, which makes sense because my outbreak was on my right side. I don't recall getting night sweats but I do recall my skin being sensitive and achy and being able to sleep for hours and hours.

Oh I definitely get it. I've gone through this mental block before where I can get myself off but actually feeling the sexiness isn't happening. Thats when I put the effort in, make myself try a bit harder, do my hair, wear the red lipstick and work it. Other people notice, comment, and it keeps the positivity up.

i think what you are going through is normal, and getting back into the groove is going to take some time. When I am in a funk I start small. I get back an exercise and workout regimen and I work on myself by doing things that make me feel good. I do my hair, my makeup, put together cute outfits and match my bra and panties. When you put on something a little sexy or find ways to work that into your daily life, it will come back. I always feel sexier and more confident when I've got a sexy little something underneath that only I get to see.

I am so fortunate to have you all! I am so lucky that I found this site! Yeah, he gets judgemental and tends to get on his high horse and assumes that because he's older that he knows it all when he really doesn't. I tried to tell him that it really isn't more than a skin disorder, and he was like "well, I think its more than that...but okay." OI VEY!

Yeah for sure, I'm glad it's not just me that saw what they said as judgement. It's hard when it's family that is saying it, so those judgements feel like they hit harder than if it were just a random person. It doesn't help that I have already been really low and depressed. You are right though, i do need to learn from the past and make better partner choices and choose partners that aren't going to leave me or judge me.

So I told my brother and his gf of 5 years about my H diagnosis because I had just lost the support system of my ex partner, and needed more people rallied behind me. The reaction I got was confusing to say the least. On one hand they were supportive and told me they didn't see me differently, and on another they said things that sounded a whole hell of a lot like blame. "You are going to have to live with the consequences now" "By having casual sex you were playing with fire and you got burned" When I brought up some of the mean things that people said to me, my brother told me that i was just "something I was going to have to live with now." I have a feeling my ex partner gave it to me, and they put blame on him, but then were like "You aren't totally blameless..." Even after I explained that condoms don't completely protect you, they dismissed it. Their half support hurts more than the nonsupport i get from some people

Yeah for sure, and really, if it wasn't this then it would have been something else.

True. His method sounded like he was doing PR. "Im not focusing on the past anymore." "I am learning to deal with the consequences" "I am focusing on my health and on moving forward." Very fake things, very surface level. He doesn't understand that handling it alone is not the best thing to do, but even if he does get it eventually, I won't be there. He screwed that up.

Thank you so much! That really brightened my day!

He continued to blow me off and be unsupportive so I am no longer contacting him. He was supposed to contact me to tell me about whether or not he was positive and if he had anything else by yesterday or today and I have not heard from him. I do not wish to ever be together again.

I got to talk to him tonight for a couple of hours about everything other than herpes. I am figuring out that the way to be there for him is to distract him, take his mind off things and get him talking about other stuff. Proves that he isn't ignoring me, but that he really is just thinking about the hard stuff on his own- but he knows I am here and that is important. It can be sorted out later and we can talk about how to compromise on that at a different time.

I would tell him as soon as you can. Imagine him finding out that you slept with him knowing you had it- not the best thing to do in this case :P. I had 4 days until my official diagnosis before I told my current partner but we don't see each other too often so it wasn't too bad. Just piece together what you want to say to him and go from there. How I told my partner" 1. mentioned what I went to the doctors for and my symptoms 2. What it is 3. How common it is 4. You can have it and not know it and still pass it 5. Could have had it for years and you aren't sure when you got it 6. You think he should get tested too 7. How you can keep him safe if he doesn't have it

1. Herpes tends to like to stay around moist areas- think anal region, vaginal opening/labia,and the mouth. The pimple type things on his rash could be just that- an itchy rash, dry skin etc. 2. It is possible that he doesn't have it, but to elude to one of your other questions. Primary outbreaks happen for many people within 2-14 days of the first exposure. Some people have the virus and it never surfaces while others will have it for years and get their first exposure long after they have been exposed. 3. Could have been a cold sore. They appear as blisters, not necessarily just dry cracked skin. 4. Repeated sex wouldn't have necessarily cause blisters to appear. Maybe the skin is a bit raw and sensitive, but to have clusters of blisters would be more suspicious. 5. It will be okay. All you can control is what you know about it. If you do have it, learn all you can about it and tell him. He deserves to know so he can get tested. Don't write him off before he can make up his own mind. He may surprise you!

I'm glad you're feeling better. When I've been to therapy, my therapist made a good point. She said to let yourself feel how you feel. Do you feel angry? Sad? Happy? Scared? etc. Feel it. The thing to remember too is why do you feel that way? Are you projecting your fears onto other people. Thinking "he is going to reject me" is one of those projections that many of us do that is counterproductive. We think we are preparing ourselves for what will happen but really we are just trapping ourselves. We done KNOW that that is what will happen, however we start off with these negative "what ifs" and then react based on something that hasn't really happened yet and may not even happen. Hang in there, let yourself feel it but also, keep those thoughts rooted in reality. Also, don't forget to give yourself a break. Watch movies, laugh really hard, and talk about things other than herpes (which can be really hard when its always on your mind).

Yeah, I am trying to give him the space to figure it out meanwhile letting him know that I am here for him.

Yeah, he is kinda being a douche, huh? He can be such a sweet guy, and at the very beginning he was more concerned about if my life was in danger, if there was anything else going on, etc. Now, even though he said he was not ignoring me, I still feel pushed to the side.

So I disclosed to my current partner the day I got diagnosed and he seemed pretty supportive, said he would get tested and said he would need a bit of time and space to figure things out. Cut to now, he is basically nonexistant. No messages about how I am doing or anything. I have been trying to reach out to him to see how he is doing and find out when he is getting tested. He finally responded yesterday saying he would be getting tested this thursday and that he's taking time to figure out what it all means for him and how things are going to change, etc. He said he knows he is going to test positive. This is part rant and part question. I don't know how to handle this situation. I have told him that I would love him no matter what the result was and that I am here for him. I have told him that it's been hard for me too. Still, no talk, no venting, and no asking me how I have been doing. I have been going back to all my old partners within the last 4 years to determine if anyone had it, and a few have told me they don't and others are getting tested still. I have a feeling that my current partner is the one who gave it to me, as this was my first outbreak and certainly the most painful and it happened within 2 weeks of me and him sleeping together. I'm trying to give the guy a break- this shit is difficult and we all handle it in our own way. However, it sucks to not have a partner in this. I can get sympathy from friends but I have no one who is going through the same exact thing as I am here with me and it blows. I just don't really know what to do.

I've had only one outbreak so far. In my experience it feels like a flu is about to come on but never happens. I feel really tired and run down. The night before I got diagnosed I slept for12 hours or so. I get a bit achy and in addition I got these weird sharp pains in my toes and leg on the same side where my outbreak was. This makes sense because it travels along the nerves.

From what I have read, if you both are in a monogamous relationship and both have it then it isn't so prudent. Its not the exposure to the sores/shedding from others that will make you break out if you already have it as much as it is your own immune response. I would still ask your doctor though.

Hey there! There is a fabulous video up on the home page by Dr. Leone and he talks about a lot of the questions you ask. In short, if Herpes 2 was so easily transmittable as using the same toilet then we would see a lot more kids with it, so no, you don't need to wipe down the toilet seat.

Although I am not a lesbian and cannot offer advice on your specific situation, I think I can be of some help. The best thing you can do before you disclose is to arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can- the virus itself, incubation period, statistics, how it is spread, etc. Predict any question you or your girlfriend might have and try to get an answer. Approach it in a calm manner. If you don't act like it is awful and disgusting then she is more likely to take your lead. It is definitely okay to come from a place of "I feel ______" to keep it about your feelings and how this is affecting you. She is going to take it how she is going to take it. Its a hard thing to wrap our mind around because we want to be able to control for that but we cant. Some people take it well and others, no matter how well you explain it will run away. All you can control is yourself and how you handle the situation.

Yes it does! Thank you!