whatsallthehubbub

Ok, so recently I had a outbreak of oral hsv1, with my new found knowledge..i decided to treat it as genital herpes and abstain from.. kissing.. (not sure if jane has it or not). ok..far more brutal than not having sex I have to say.. I can feel close and connected with Jane without sex but damn.. no kissing? ow.. just ow.. how the hell is this any better than genital herpes?? its not.. just has a better name of cold sore, and lacks the social stigma. (im sure this isn't a unique epiphany ). Also, since I signed on to this forum ive had one hsv2 outbreak.. took Valtrex.. 2 days didn't even get to blisters.. this stuff is awesome!! it dawned on me that genital herpes (along with all other herpes) is treatable.. WHY ISNT THIS MORE OF A FOCUS? sure its forever but you can treat it and its gone faster than a common cold. I deal with shame now.. the shame of making herpes way more than it needed to be... shame of the denial of the lies of the emotional roller coaster I let having herpes put me on. ok .. I have herpes.. whats all the hub ...bub?? just saying.

No sex for a year??.. omg!. Marry that guy.. seriously. . Just do it. He is a SAINT! Lol :)

Sounds like a good idea. At least some good will come out of your experience. Its got to feel good to know at least one person.. shared in your hurting.. hug them first chance you get. :)

\O/.. awesome for you confused!! Good luck in the future!

I hope ot works for you. :) having made this same mistake myself.. i can tell you that if he can get past it.. you will know more love than you can imagine. When you do it all wrong.. and give them every reason to leave.. and they stay... there is no doubts how they feel about you. .. :)

Im not the zen master most of you appear to be. Ill call it a character flaw and move on. I count not killing the one that purposely gave me herpes as one of my greater moments in life. Im just saying.. i completely understand wanting some semblance of justice,or revenge. I decided to be a good little victim because im a man.. and momma raised me better than to shoot women.. really all it came down to.

If i had thought of this back then.. i believe i would have done it. Im not saying it wouldnt be legal trouble.. nor am i suggesting you do it. But then im not really into taking the moral high ground when i have to eat a plate of shit to stand on it. Im not entirely sure why it is we are supposed to suck it up and be the better person.. i guess you have to ask yourself if doing this is going to make you feel better.. and if the consequences are worth what you gain. Maybe its about time for consequences (real ones) for non disclosure.. . Two things: legally.. im fairly sure thats not a fight he wants.. its one he will lose.. ::: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT: HIS retaliation may be extreme.. from physically beating you to putting a bullet in your head. Think about how emotional herpes has made you... and ask yourself how unstable he might become if everyone knew he had it...

For the record, this behavior (surprisingly) was by a woman with a graduate degree in the mental health field. Herpes is more emotional than it is physical or rational. Just because she may have understood her behavior,doesnt mean she was emotionally able to deal with it... The emotional aspect of herpes is still difficult for me to get a handle on. And ive had it for a very long time... one rational level i know herpes physically is a joke compared to the hype and google pics.. emotionally i can get depressed during a outbreak...and i have a loving woman by my side.. makes zero sense. From my perspective.. its the emotional aspect of herpes that causes the most damage.. which is why this site and its positive aspect is so important.

My opinion is: if it reduces transmission of any std by even a fraction of a percent its worth using clean with casual sex.. h+ with a h- partner (unless the h- partner says no ). I cant see any case where wearing a condom is a bad idea. As it relates to herpes and its transmission.. id go with the lowest number... with the understanding of how they generate those percentages.

I gotta say herry... if i ever have to get a outing letter of any kind.. i would want you to write it.. sure whatever news you have would be shit.. but i would marvel at the epicness of such a well written letter. Seriously you just made the most horrible day in the history of man kind sound liketthe adventures of huck finn.. i salute you sir.. 07 well played.... well played. :)

Roflmao @wcsdancer

Lol Victoria. . Seems we have different definitions for the word "need". You need air,food water, shelter without these things you die.. lock a guy in a room for a month give him the choice of those things and sex, you will see what he "needs". :) and i am aware of how much tension and stress can be relieved from sex. Lmao!

First, no man needs sex.. its a dumb manipulating thing to say and even dumber for you to believe. Sounds like you dont want to have to deal with having herpes as well as your current condition, which is understandable....if you want to be with this guy you have to accept that you may contract herpes, the risk is very low but never zero. If you cant accept that,then do both of you a favor and part ways.. as far as tricking him.... if he didnt disclose his condition before sex.. id say the trickery is on him and not you. Herpes can be hard to deal with both physically and emotionally and it sounds like you have issues of your own with your condition.....

I read the title and my mind flashed to a rocky scene,the one with hulk hogan ..'To all my love slaves out there, thunderlips is here... in the flesh baby!" " the ultimate male vs the ultimate meatball" lol sorry couldnt resist. But nice prayer.

Re - read your post herry. Looked up just in time to see the point flying over my head,it was hiding behind a metaphor. .. my apologies.

What felareed is referring to.. i believe is. You say herpes isnt a big deal but you say disclosure is. So logic dictates that having herpes is in fact a big deal. It seems like we are saying .. its only not a big deal if you have it and it is if you dont. Without the conjured up emotions,and stigma no herpes is nothing really. But those things exist if not in us any more certainly in the general public. And because it exists disclosure is a big deal. Its a hard concept to convey, especially to the new. This is why i prefer a softer approach to the disclosure issue.

I dunno, a site that by its mere existence relegates the "talk" to the bottom of the "things to discuss" pile instead of the top seems like a awesome place to start. Im simply astonished that anyone would describe it as a leper colony. I seen positive singles and despite the expense i think its a pretty good place to start,either for the newly diagnosed that is afraid at this point to date H- person,or the old vet sick of the talk. Im pretty sure those on it dont feel like the have a mark down sticker on them.. and you shouldnt either. No one is their herpes or virus we are all human and much more complex than that.. but guess what. You have herpes,it forever and its pretty important thing you are going to have to discuss with someone at some point. Places like that only remove the importance of it.. personally i think the mere existence of herpes/std sites uplifting,.i.see it as a good first step in acceptance for individuals and of herpes both.

. having never used medication over the 15 years ive had H, i tried l- lysine. 1000 mg one in the morn one at night.. it appears to work for the recent itching problem ive been having.. i cant speak to its ability to cut down on outbreaks either in number,severity or length ... im male so im not sure if this helps you or not. Best of luck.

I spent many years not disclosing,believing just what you two believe. I wont spread this,its my problem, i can control it.. and as long ad there is a 0% chance of me transmitting this.. it really is just my problem.. then i found out about viral shedding.. at it became a numbers game.. the number was no longer 0. It was at best going to be 2%. Still very low.. but not zero. So i understand putting those odds up against the huge odds of rejection.. and when the number changed so did the conversation. It becomes less about the odds and more about the truth.. do i love this person.. yes i do.. then anything other than zero is unacceptable. I disclosed .. and i got the happy ending... but here is the absolute truth.. if you love them.. your secret will become heavier and heavier as time goes by: that burden will eat you alive... with worry of transmission and discovery of your status. If that happens and no doctor can say it will not.. you will have only made your problem so much bigger than it needed to be. They will leave,not so much over herpes but over the lie and cover up. I disclosed.. and i have a connection with her i thought only existed in fairy tales... not disclosing will prove to be the harder choice in the end.. this i can swear to..with 14 years of denial. Good luck.. (((hugs))

If i had hiv and someone came into a community i was active in.. yes i would try to be compassionate. . Especially if what they were doing was wrong.. this goes for any STD.. its not the ones doing it right that need our guidance and acceptance the most.. its the ones that are misguided that need us the most. Telling them no matter how nicely :how evil they are only leaves them to their own point of view,or worse to someplace or someone that reinforces their current actions. And really harry.. comparing hiv a death sentence to hsv???. Tough love.. sure when its not their first post. They are looking for help. Not to be judged. No you dont have to sugar coat it, but you dont have to shake your finger at them. When they come here telling us they feel bad fir doing it wrong (disclosure) they dont need to be told how wrong they are in the midst of your advice.. they know this already.. OR THEY WOULDNT BE HERE. its my belief they are clearly looking for reinforcement or a plan to do the right thing.

Tough love is fine and well. Kicking someone when they are down is another. This supposed to bea positive site... even when they are a representation of the dreaded "giver".or they dont meet this sites "regulars" standard of integrity . We as a community are here to help and educate in a excepting way..and hopefully help them see the error of their ways.. or we are click.. willing to only help the "victims" and we victimize those that dont fit in. Your call. Herpes makes you do and say things you never thought you would. When they come here and reach out, we have a obligation to help them in a positive way..not berate them under the guise of "tough love". Positive to ALL that come here..THIS IS MY OPINION.

Well,first to harry.. not all of us are morale super heros like you.. we are just human. And make mistakes and as much as we would love to be emotional warriors.. we just arent.. all though i agree with you in principal your lack of compassion concerns me a bit. End of the day your just going to have to tell him stuck. Whatever way.. somehow your just going to have to pull up your big girl panties and tell him. That it bothers you is at least a sign you give adamn..build on that. Yes do the right thing no matter the cost.. arm yourself with the facts specifically transmission percentages so he knows that although you werent perfect you didnt just throw caution to the wind and be completely irresponsible. When its all said and done.. its going to be his choice to accept the risk. At this point.. you know now the burden of your secret is as heavy as the burden of disclosure, so if there is a next time.. you will know to just disclose. (((Hugs)))

Any questions that shed light on viral shedding would be helpful . Like.. where are you shedding from? Everywhere or anywhere in the boxer area or is it largely from the genital area or the place you normally have OB. Viral shedding frankly scares the hell out of me. Where did they swab to get their test data.

We will be sure to get all the info we need.. thanks for the answer Dancer.. after reading some of the posts here... i just dont trust a doctor to have an answer. :)

my girlfriend has her outbreaks outside her thigh, assuming of her course her h type and mine are the same.. is it possible for me to give her herpes that's breaks out in her lady parts ? she has never had a ob there.. and I need to know if its possible for me to transmit it there making her have it manifest in 2 places?