victoriaxxx

I honestly do not even use any kind of soap period. If I use any kind of soap, it creates a super bad infection. I learned to soak myself and then, rinse my vaginal area with hot water. I have learned how to clean myself very good, outbreak or no outbreak without soap. Due to my condition.

Dancer. I missed hearing you being enlightening, and I tried to be like you ! Remember ? Then I disappeared... because I was going through my own crap. I was going through a lot of depression, despite all of that I still try to make sure people can make it through this. && Look at both of us ? I am now back, with my own pity party. Lolol. I love you girl. You are like my second momma still. I look up to you so much. You and I and everyone deserve to have our own moments, because there is only so much we can handle.

He said he could have possibly had it for a while, and that he is not going to put the blame on me.. because there is the fact that maybe he had it for a while, and didn't notice it. He could just be noticing it now, because he said it doesn't really hurt. So you know that is nice. I need to be strong for him, because I know we talked about if we freak out they are going to freak out. Even though I was crying. I still tried to be inspirational. All he said was " I knew what I was getting myself into. I also knew it was worth it."

Hey.. I completely understand the feeling. Cry away. Just know that you are not alone, and a lot of us have it. I am feeling shame, and guilt right now myself, because of something that I have possibly done. Just know that you are not worthless. Someone out there will love you for you, just as I have found someone who loves me for me.. Well the first guy I thought did, but I know for sure this time I did... You will lighten up ! (: It's not that bad I promise.

Too bad. I don't really know any jokes..

Usually I am able to come on here and inspire people. Usually I am able to come on here, and help others. This time I need a moment to come here for me. I am sorry I have been gone. I have been dealing with some things on my own. So I recently got with a new boyfriend. Things with my ex, and I didn't work at. WC Dancer knows all about that one. BY THE WAY I MISS YOU DANCER.... This time it is the other way around. I woke up to him looking something up. He got one bump earlier, and now it has multiplied. I am not trying to jump to conclusions, but it is right on his penis. Mind you we have been using protection, and I have been taking anti-virals... but that didn't stop it. He knew about it from the get go.. It didn't stop him, but why do I still feel guilty. All those feelings of guilt, and of shame that I have shaken so fast have just came back to me. I should just stay to myself. I should just not touch anyone. I am a walking virus. I didn't mean to do this. I haven't had an outbreak in over 2 months. Yes I know about shedding... I know that it can happen any time. I have been listening to my body. My body and I have gotten to know each other better now then ever. I have had NO signs. Nothing... but still. I do this ? We haven't taken him to the doctor yet to get tested, and I know that we should test it before we jumped to conclusions. I already know what it is. I already know it is going to come back positive. I feel horrible, and I keep telling him I am sorry. He said " I chose you, and I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into, and I knew from the get go what could happen.."

Hugs ! I missed you guys too. (:

Well I am back in Washington state again, and I am back here to support and get support. Sometimes we make mistakes, and I feel like moving was a really big mistake.. I am home now, but I don't regret going. It taught me quite some things. I missed being on here to talk to people. Since I had lack of internet.

Happy Birthday. I am not going to be on much since I dont have internet right now in South Carolina. I just wanted to wish you a wonderful birthday. :3

Well how are you going to talk to me everyday, and wait for me to come. Buy me a ticket, and I told him I DID not want to have sex right away. I wanted to spend some time with him before we get intimate... but then you are okay with it. He said... "Now that this is real... I am having second thoughts."

So the guy I was with and I finally got together. He was super excited and we were both super excited to see each other and finally we got into bed with each other. One thing lead to the other, and he stopped in the middle of it. He stopped. Walked out took a shower and came back, and said " I am sorry I just can't take this chance." I said you "You had such a long time to think about it, and now in the middle of it you were having second thoughts.. Well that was just bad..

((: My friend told me about Coconut oil. I have heard that it doesn't work for a lot of people, but for me it helps. What it does is the coconut oil has a cooling agent, and dries out the outbreak. Within a few hours I can feel some real relief. Within a few days they are gone. Then I eat 3 table spoons of it a day with my food because it has natural anti viral properties inside of it. (:

God teases all of us at times. Like me ? I go to school, and not go to school. Sometimes I am able to do the things that I really really want to do in my life, but then it feels like it gets all taken away from me. Like he is testing me, seeing how far he can push me and how far his little creation can go. Now let me tell you something. God is pushing us to fight our way through everything! (: We can do it && he is playing around with you seeing how much YOU can handle right there, because you do have some crazy stuff happen. Now show them that you can write the next page, or the next paragraph to your own liking !

I have the handout printed and I read it !!!

Your very very welcome.

Crazy. I love that you are so full of information.

Its very hard to get HSV-2 oral. I heard though if you do have HSV-2 oral that it is horrible and even worse than having it down below.

@Dancer Lol ! I am grateful for life. I am grateful that I exist and that I get to live this life. I am grateful to experience the rain on my head and my shoulders. I am grateful to feel the wind blow in my hair.

See I knew she would be able to send you the actual hand outs. (: I hope you keep your head up and learn a lot of information.

Yeah she is right. We are both in our early stages of this. && I had my second outbreak a month after I had my first. I remember people saying the first one is usually the worst, but my second one happened to be a lot worse ! But it is just the beginning of this, but eventually it most likely won't be that bad. (: Keep your head up.

Yes. My doctor told me to take L-Lysine because it is the all natural form and not Lysine. He also gave me packets on Arginine and Herpes just like she said ! It is good to learn about this stuff. (( Even though i still eat lots of chocolatey peanuty goodness ! )

Thanks themeditationresolution for making me realize I should really acknowledge the things I am grateful for. 5 nouns I am grateful for: My Dad - In life you taught me not to take things for granted. You taught me to trust, but to not trust to much. You taught me respect. You taught me how to give respect, and to treat people how I want to be treated. You accepted me and didn’t push me to the side. Through out my addiction, through out everything. You always had hope. You could see that I would be something great, and that some people are late bloomers. I am grateful because I am 20 years old and you still take care of me. I know a lot of people who kicked their kids out at a young age. You always told me that no matter what you were proud of me, and that helped my motivation to do better for myself. My Mom - You taught me the best thing of all. To always keep a smile on my face and to not stress as much. Even though I do stress a lot. I can always hear you in the back of my head telling me to calm down. You stuck by my side through all of the bull shit that I put you through. I was not the best kid to you and there are a lot of things that I wish I could take back. That is another thing you taught me was to hold my head up high and to learn from my actions. Every day is a learning experience, and that we make mistakes. They make us stronger. Boyfriend - Well first off, we haven’t known each other for that long, but you accept me the way I am. I know I am not perfect, and you know that also. You take me just as I am. I know it seem’s like I may not listen, but I take in more than you think. I appreciate your input, and your honesty. I am grateful that we can be as open with each other as we are. You have definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things and people. You help me when I am upset to think rationally. You also truly help me not stress over the things that I shouldn’t be stressing over. I wish we could talk as much as we used too, but just knowing that you are here for me and that you are not going to leave me is awesome enough. I can’t wait for more days to come. (: Best Friend Meghan - You haven’t been doing so well lately, but I am grateful to have you in my life. You were the one person that I could always go to and know that you were never going to judge me. The one person I could tell all my dirty little secrets too. We have been friends for ages, and been through hell and back. We have done our dirt and we have our shit that is going to be between us. I just wanted to let you know that I don’t know what I would do with out you. I hope that you get better and realize that you have so much more to live for, because I love you and I am extremely grateful to have you. The one friend that has never stabbed me in the back. The one friend that has never left my side no matter what the distance was. <3 I love you. School - Even though I hated going to school. I really do miss you. You taught me how to do well with others. Taught me that learning is not that bad. Honestly I want to go back to school and gain more knowledge. I am grateful to have you and know that I can have a safe haven for me, my books, and my brain. ((:

This is crazy because I just did the 5 nouns I am grateful for on Tumblr. I will copy and paste.

I mean I could care less what they think about me. I mean they aren't going to matter in a while anyways. Soon it is going to be me and my boyfriend. Maybe some other people in my life, but soon it is only going to be me and him who matters. I could have come out and told them. This is what I have. Here are the statistics. Here are the facts. && that 1 in every 4 of them probably already have it. I am trying to get over this stigma, but sometimes it just gets to me. How they can talk down to someone and degrade someone. && I know people like these you can tell them all they want, but they are just going to have to learn on their own. I am working over getting over this stigma and I think I have come a long way. I know that I can help other people in their journeys as well. Herpes or not. They can still get educated. I know that most of those people don't use condoms. I haven't used a condom in 5 years, but will now. I know most of them think that " Oh I can see it and I don't sleep with nasty people." But in fact you don't know what someone has to hide from you. && yes I could put myself into their shoes. I guess I have been having a chip on my shoulder lately from all this " You don't deserve to be love crap." I feel like my boyfriend and I have been losing each other slowly. & that could just be me. I don't know. I am a really open person, but lately I have been not. That is why I took a break. I know that I can help many people. As i have always wanted to guide people into the right direction. But the things they said were hurtful and it stung.. && I didn't think I was leaving because I was letting the stigma get to me.. I was leaving because I thought these werent people that I wanted in my life.. Maybe I should have educated them, and then seen their reaction, then see if I wanted them in my life.

Thank you. You guys said it exactly how I wanted to put it.. but I didn't say it that way.