Sparklepony

I've read about menstrual cycles causing outbreaks. I have an IUD, mirana to be exact, and I do not have menstural cycles. Maybe look into that as a way I prevent outbreaks. Some people still experience periods, but overall they are drastically reduced in duration and flow but for the most part women tend to completely stop having periods. They are good for up to five year but you're able to take them out whenever you like. Sometimes our bodies just need a break from things, maybe the lack of a period will allow your body to build up enough antibodies to prevent such frequent outbreaks. As for the stress, that seems to be the biggest factor in outbreak as far as I have read. I know this is easier said than done, but anywhere you can reduce stress you need to. Obviously at home with your kids isn't an easy one. Cut things out as you can and see how that helps. Take time for yourself, seriously mama, it pays off big time. As for the discharge, I had that too and it was basically a wonderful addition to the already great situation going on down there. As long as your doctor has checked it then just write it off as a symptom of an outbreak.

This is a really amazing post. This is all stuff I've been thinking about the last week. When I heard those words from the doctor, "oh this is herpes", I have never felt so much all at once. Guilt, shame, anger, shock, even amusement (sorry, I just laugh at the worst times). I spent the next few days after this questioning if I was such a horrible person that I deserved it. I'm not the most sympathetic towards people, I slept with someone where the feelings that should have been there for that action took place weren't a possibly, I can be very impatient. Then I realized that shit happens. Or in this case, herpes. I am a good mom, a good friend, and overall a good person. This isn't karma kicking me in the lady jungle (LOVE that phrase) this is just a case of shit happening. It's not a reflection of me as a person, maybe a choice I made, but not me as a person. If anything a reflection of me is my happy and healthy child, my friends coming to me with troubles because they trust and rely on me, my family and I being close because it's something I value I'm my life and make the effort to have strong bonds with them. I think all too often people are too quick to focus on all the "bad" in them that they ignore the good.

Basically, just let him go. People deal with things in their own way and unfortunately his happens to be to ignore it. You can't change how he acts so you might as well just write it off as a lesson. I agree with @thisisgoingtobeokay, his actions speak volumes. I would assume he is the giver. Regardless, you did the right thing by telling him. That's all you can do girl.

I've recently been diagnosed and I've decided that I will just let it come up when it needs to and deal with it then. This is what I've figured i would do- If you meet someone new and sex is something that you "feel" will happen then let them know from the get go. Just rip the bandaid off. If you meet someone and it is going slowly and they are more of a friend at first then there isn't a reason to tell them because at that point it won't affect them. No need to disclouse if there is a chance it won't go anywhere. It's not hiding it, it's just not bringing up something that won't come into play. I knew you're scared now and feel like your life won't ever be the same but eventually you'll just take this as a part of your life and work with it.

I totally did the Epsom salt baths and went commando and it was cleared up within a few days. I'm almost two weeks into noticing the first sore and I'm almost completely better..... and then I get bronchitis so fuck my life. I'm feeling a lot better though!!

Hello! Welcome to this AMAZING site. I found it while googleing things, and I'm glad I did. This is by far one of the most informative sites you'll find because everyone on here is either blessed with this skin condition, or they are close to someone who has it. The way you are feeling right now is totally normal. I found out on Monday and I'm semi-accepting of it because I've forced myself to be, but still the feelings of guilt and shame are definitely present. It takes time. As far as telling anyone, sleep on it a few days and then consider telling your parents, or at least your mom. I'm assuming the "1995" in your screen name is your birth year? If so, that makes you 18-19. I'm not much older than you, and I feel like my mom knowing was just a relief in itself. Yeah, she was a little taken back and I'm assuming somewhat upset, but she's my mom. Unfortunately for her she has to love me no matter what. You're going to have this forever, keeping it inside isn't going to do you any favors. Especially right now. You're going to have breakdowns, good days and bad days and sometimes mom is the only one that can help you through it. The best advice I can give you is to educate yourself. Read as much as you can (by reliable sources, not Dr. Google. That shit will only scare you) and learn to be kinder to yourself. I am a chronic stress mess. I basically feel weird if I have nothing to stress myself out over. I don't sleep enough. I have a horrible diet. My thoughts to myself are unkind. All of that needs to change now. It's a real wake up call. Try to find the positive in this. Maybe not right away, for right now just focus on processing. Take awhile and learn to accept that you can't change it. Then plan how to manage it. That's all you can do.

First for the rant: I called my "doctor" yesterday (for the record, she's a PAC in a ob/gyno office) and her nurse had no idea what was going on basically and said she was out of the office for the rest of the day and to call tomorrow. Okay, no big deal. So I called this morning and told the nurse I had been put on 5 days of Valtrex (also for the record, I'm not sure if this is standard first time procedure or not but everything I've read says 7-10 days is the norm) and that I felt like it wasn't helping as much as it should and would like another prescription before this one runs out if that was possible. I also informed the nurse that I had some questions. Nurse informed me that the "doctor" (I keep using quotations because I don't know what to call her) was with a patient and to call back in an hour. So I did, got the same run around except this time the nurse took a message and said they would call back in about an hour. Three hours later, nothing. So I called yet again, only to find out that the office closes early on Friday.... Now, I am usually not one to annoy my doctor, but I feel like this is extremely sensitive matter that requires a little more doctor to patient attention soon after diagnosis. I obviously don't expect her to drop everything for "just another herpes case" when she is obviously busy, but I think two days of calls should get some sort of attention. I'm obviously worried that the lapse in meds will cause my outbreak to get worse, and after Mondays not so informative appointment, I'm seriously considering asking to see someone else. Now for the questions: - Will stopping meds after just 5 days cause the outbreak to get worse? I read somewhere that it takes 10 days for the meds to really kick in. I think I read it somewhere on here. Maybe I'm mistaken. - I now have a red spot, almost like the aftermath of a bee sting on the back of my thigh. Is that a herpes thing or am I driving myself batshit crazy? - I took an epsiome salt bath last night and went commando for awhile today. It felt a little less like being burned at the stake when I peed this afternoon. What else can I do to dry these suckas up? - I know that stress is HUUUUUGE when it comes to controlling outbreaks, does anyone know if things like intense workouts can cause outbreaks? (I'm talking crossfit, half marathon runs and training, weight lifting) Sorry for pelting you guys with questions. I just really feel a lot better about a situation when I'm well informed. Tried Dr. Google and it's just a bunch of nope. That shit is scary.

I think we put a lot of emphasis on something we see as no longer attainable. For you it seems to be that love is something you no longer think you deserve. You're extremely hard on yourself. I understand how you see yourself as "dirty", I feel like that now. Everyone on this site has felt that way at one point or another. We aren't though. It can happen to anyone. Even those who didn't live a "dirty" lifestyle. I didn't. I was selective about who I chose to sleep with. You mention that you wouldn't have been with someone who disclosed to you that they had herpes. Were you ever faced with that? If you truly loved someone, and understood that this is just really a skin disease would you still have chose to not be with them? My guess is, if faced with it by someone you loved that your perspective would change. I don't think your issue is that you're afraid no one will love you, you're afraid you will never love yourself. I know how terrifying that is. The way you feel now isn't because of the herpes. It's because of the way you have allowed yourself to see you. If it wasn't the herpes it would be something else. You have got to find a way to accept yourself, herpes and all. The way you're feeling now is no way to live.

You and I are around the same age. I found out on Monday and am feeling the same way you are. It's hard to think that you'll be just like those people who have continued on living. We will though, even if we can't process the idea of it now. There needs to be a process of grief because to some extent we are losing a part of our "old life". No more careless sex (which oddly seems like such a privilege now). Anytime that happens we will grieve. Having kids, getting married, getting divorced, losing a job. It's all a life adjustment. Unfortunately, herpes is one that has a stigma attached. You will find someone. It might not be the first guy you date after this, but it's that way after a divorce as well. Dating is hard period. It sounds to me like you're taking it extremely hard, a lot of that might be that you lost a relationship around the same time so it's just a combination of the two. Maybe seeing a counselor might help you. I've decided to because I know how much it's helped me in the past. Regardless of what is your way of getting back on track after this not so nice set-back, you need to find it and do it. You can't let this define you.

I think you and I have the same "all in or all out" approach to dating. We think someone is perfect if they pass the immediate "tests" and then invest, only to find out "we aren't what they want" (I put that in quotes because 9/10, they actually aren't what we want after we think about it). I think we put guys on an unfair pedestaled if we like them. How can someone be everything we want in a person? There is no way. As well as we will never be everything someone wants in a woman. It just doesn't happen. We set people up to disappoint us. I get why you're worried about how to go about dating, it's scary enough when there are normal things someone could reject about us, but herpes, oh shit that's a whole different ball game. Really though, I think you need to get to know people before disclosing it. That's just my person opinion. Keep in mind I'm only a few days into finding out I have it, but I would think I would only want people who are going to be mature enough to handle it to know. I don't think its a shame thing, just more of a person choice to keep people who aren't able to not understand it for what it is knowing. Keep talking to this guy, a week and a half is no time at all. Talk to him for a few months and then slowly start to hang out. Start out with dates that don't end up in situations where there is any pressure to become sexual if you're not comfortable with it. If he genuinely likes you then he will be okay with it, if not then he can move along. When the time comes you'll know when to tell him.

Thank you! You've been extremely helpful the last few days. I'm still just in shock and really confused at all the conflicting information out there. I'm really disappointed in my doctor. I'm sure I was too upset to process much, but her complete lack of offering any help aside from telling me to not let my kid touch towels I used was no help at all.

I feel like my doctors appointment earlier this week was a total fail. The more I think about it, the more I believe the doctor did not do as much as she should have to inform me of anything that I should know right away. I get they have to get my blood work back from the lab in order to better treat this wonderful skin condition I acquired. I'm sure a lot of this annoyance with her is coming from my fear, and my own internal annoyance but she never even asked if I had questions. I've made myself sick with worry the last few days. Reading articles online isn't helping me much either. Instant paranoia. I figure asking here would be a pretty good place to start since I'm speaking to people who are in the same boat as I am, and most of you are rationally thinking about this. Right now I am not. Right not I am terrified. - What is shedding? I've looked online and I see opposing things. - What are the chances that this is my first outbreak and not something I've had inside me for awhile? I noticed the sores about 5-6 days post sex. The timeline adds up to this being when I contacted it but I'm so confused at how it works. I have had a baby and while logically I know my child doesn't have herpes, I'm so paranoid that it's laying dormant inside my child. - How long do outbreaks last? I am so uncomfortable. I can't seem to find anything that is helping to ease the pain. What can I do to make it bearable? - Do I really have to give up peanut butter? I can (and should) live without caffeine, and chocolate isn't that big of a deal either. Peanut butter though? That alone makes me depressed. - What is the likeliness of it be passed on through non sex things? I'm talking about if someone accidentally touches a towel I've used, or the virus lingering around even after I've done laundry. I know this sounds like a silly question, trust me, I hesitated typing it out. My doctor (lovely, lovely woman) said not to let my child touch a towel I've used so he doesn't get it. That thought makes me sick to my stomach. - How long did it take you to feel normal again? I'm a runner and I don't see how I can have that as part of my life because of how I feel right now. The pain is making me delirious lol. Also, dating? Feeling like having a social life again? Swimming? I just see everything in my life that I love not being a part of me again and I just makes me breakdown. I know some of this feeling is natural but how much of it? I feel like this fear, this guilt, this shame is consuming me.

I don't know yet which I have. Blood work isn't back yet. Unless I'm confused, isn't that how you find out which type you have?

Thank you again for you help. I just have so many questions and thoughts right now.

I appreciate the kind words, and the encouragement. Logically I know all of this. Logically I know I will continue to live. Right now though, I just feel so horrible. I feel disgusting and ashamed. I am terrified to talk to the last person I slept with because we had different views on what we wanted with each other and I'm afraid he will resent me for this. Even though I'm almost 100% positive he was the one who gave it to me. I'm afraid of the blame he will put on me because he won't want to believe he had anything. I know it's a conversation I need to have though because I can't have anyone else getting this like I did. How long does this feeling last though? The shame? I feel like I'm constantly judged. Like it's written on my face or something. I know it's all in my head but I can't shut it off. I have anxiety issues (I think it goes hand and hand with depression) and I can feel it consuming me. I don't want to leave my house. I don't see how I will manage to have a normal life again.

I'm curious about what a typical first time outbreak is like. My doctor mentioned that mine wasn't "normal" but in the shock of being told I have herpes I didn't ask what she meant. I have several open sores. Is that normal? Or do you typically only get one or two? This is all so confusing.

"Oh this is herpes" is what the nice yet blunt doctor told me yesterday. I was under the impression I had a yeast infection. I have a UTI and I know the two commonly go hand in hand. It literally hurt when she said it. I couldn't even hear what she was saying afterwards, I'm assuming it was some sort of apology and a statistic about how common this is. We scheduled a follow up appointment for a few weeks from now because I was too upset to talk to her, let alone listen to anything she was telling me. When I got home it started to sink in. I sat on my stairs crying. I've cried on and off since then. I feel disgusting. I feel like I'm less of a woman now. So many things keep racing through my mind. I'm angry at the person who passed it on to me, even though I'm not entirely sure they know. That should be a fun conversation to try and have. No relationship, just carefree sex. Which, obviously shouldn't have been that carefree. I'm angry because I was always careful. Hell, I even ASKED him if he had anything. Shouldn't I get good karma points for that? I'm angry because I will now forever have the task of having "the talk" with potential partners, which now, seems like will never be happening again. How could I trust someone to never use this against me? Or be repulsed by me? I know that the right partner will be unphased and still as much in love with me despite this "skin condition" but as someone who has been married and divorced, I don't think I will ever be able to gage if someone is the right one. I'm physically in a lot of pain. I'm panicking over every little tingle on my face, I'm terrified I will have outbreaks once a month and will have to give up running because of the pain. Maybe that sounds silly, but running is kind of my thing. My body feel alien to me. I read that nuts can trigger outbreaks or make them worse... considering I would live on peanut butter if I could this is pretty depressing news. I keep praying that the doctor will call back and say they made a mistake and I was only a really bad yeast infection. I know that won't be happening but I keep thinking it will. Aside from all the immediate feelings and confusion, I'm more terrified of what this will do to me in the long run emotionally. I've battled depression on and off for about 5 years. I've been through a horrible divorce, and struggled with being a single parent since I found out I was pregnant. I recently lost my dog, who was my best friend through all of that. I've fought hard to get to a place where I feel functioning again and then this happens. I had just opened myself up for dating again. I'm terrified that this will send me back into "the hole". Within the last year I've forced myself to lose 40 pounds, some of which was pregnancy weight and some of which was "comfort" weight. I've regained a social life. I've learned to appreciate that life won't always be how I want it but I can always make it better. I feel like this is just karma or something telling me I will never escape "the hole" (the hole is what an amazing counselor referred to depression as). I know the way I'm feeling is normal, and I know it needs to run its course through the process of accepting this. I just don't see how I will ever get to that place. I don't know how I can ever become one of those people who loves myself despite this situation. I am my own worst critic, and I don't know how I'll ever overcome that. I just feel so lost.