Sparklepony

Give yourself some time, it's only been a few days since your diagnosis. Adjusting can take awhile. It's a huge blow to your self esteem to be told you have herpes. You're probably feeling like you will never feel normal again, but you will. We put a lot of our self worth in how others will perceive us, and herpes itself isn't necessarily attractive (there is NOTHING attractive about those sores....) thankfully though, we are NOT herpes. We are the same people as before being diagnosed. It's the same as when you get the flu or a really bad cold. Are you suddenly a completely different person? No. Colds and the flu don't have an "unattractive" stigma to them though. What helped me was to remember that it wasn't broadcasted on my forehead. The only people who know are the people I have chose to tell. I've been trying to take better care of my body and as a result my skin looks better and my (small) abs are starting to show again!! I decided to get all new skin care stuff, and some skirts for summer since the looser material can help combat outbreaks. I think I have MORE confidence now then I did two months ago. Be gentle with yourself, let yourself go through the process of accepting. Hugs.

This is awesome!

This made me laugh. I completely hear you though girl. Now if only I had the nerve to talk to the people I'm attracted to...

Hello! Welcome to this wonderful little community. I know you're feeling pretty guilty right now, we all did at first. It's normal. Just breath though. Even if it turns out that you have had this in your system for awhile and even if it turns out that you passed it along to your man, that is the worst thing that will come of this situation. It's not the end of the world, really! At first you will be a giant mix of emotions (normal), but then you're mind will calm itself and you'll realize that you will still be you and you will still live a very normal life. You mentioned that you *think* you became H+ about four years ago, if so, then that is a very good sign. If you have a track record of one outbreak in four years then consider yourself pretty lucky and continue doing what you're doing to manage this. If you recently became a part of the club, then educate yourself on exactly what herpes is, how it's spread, and the triggers (which are hard to really know since they vary person to person), and look into suppressive meds. No matter what, you WILL get through this.

Statistics say that you would have more than likely gotten it from your most recent partner, however, herpes is dumb and could have been siting in your body a quite awhile without making an appearance. Herpes has no rules. I have had one outbreak since my very mild initial outbreak. I've been stressed, eaten all the "wrong" foods, skipped on sleep and wasn't taking suppressive meds right away. Not even a single symptom. Triggers are different for everyone. I would tell your most recent partner for now and kind of let your feelings sort themselves out from there as far as telling anyone further. 7 months is a pretty good amount of time to become H+, let the virus incubate, then show up. I would be inclined to believe it was your most recent partner.

This is awesome!

Hi Charlie! I have a little experience with the exercise and herpes. I was an avid runner and did strength training 3-4 times a week before being diagnosed. I eased back into it and have been jogging and lighter amounts of weight lifting the last few weeks and so far nothing has caused the herpes to flare up. It's been almost 2 months since I was initially diagnosed with a pretty mild first outbreak and I have yet to even feel a real symptom again. Knock on wood. Like Dancer said, it's good you're educating yourself on this. It helps to ease the emotions herpes can bring as well as obviously preventing you from spreading it as easily. If you haven't looked into suppressive meds, you might want to. I would be for getting another doctor. Most just aren't as up on their herpes, as well as STDs in general, as they should be. I've read that the THC in marijuana can help suppress the herpes virus. No judgments if that's your form of treatment. I was young(er) once too.... lol. Just make sure your addressing the issues and not trying to cover them up. With something like herpes there is a wide range of emotions to go through.

I haven't been on it for years, only a few weeks and the duration of 5 days during my initial outbreak. I had some slight dizziness that may or may not have been the Valtrex. I was stressed and emotion that week so I wasn't hydrated or eating like I normally do. Could have been either of those. It takes about a month for our bodies to adjust to these types of meds. Side effects should taper off during that time and almost completely go away within a month. If they don't, or they seem extreme contact your doctor who can lower your dose age or suggest a different route. Drink a TON of water and that will help your body adjust as well as help the meds to work.

I have been taking the Valtrex once a day for a few weeks, as well as the 5 days post diagnosis. I felt a little dizzy at first but since I was stressed and slightly dehydrated it could have been either of those things causing it. Right now though, I have no side effects. I read that kidney issues CAN occur, but I think that would only affect someone who already had issues with their kidneys. Make sure your drinking plenty of water to help your system flush things out. My doctor recommended the suppressive route for about a year after diagnosis and then to taper off them for awhile to see if my body does a good job of suppressing the virus on its own after that. Kidney damage and complications occur when someone has too much of one med in their body over an extended period of time. Thinks high does narcotics in the thousand mg range for a year or so. I don't think Valtrex would have the same effect on a healthy persons body. Typically all meds, with the exception of pain meds, take about a month for our bodies to adapt to them (birth controls, anti depressants, etc).

I think I just read your previous post related to this. First, just breath. As nerve wrecking as this is, it's going to be okay. It won't disrupt his military career. The only people that have to know he even has it, if he even gets it, are him, his doctors, and any intimate partners. That's it. You are not to blame either. We all take risks when we sleep with someone. I'm assuming you two didn't use a condom? (It's okay, that's how almost alllllll of us got here) He assumes some risk from that. There is NO way to be 100% protected unless you abstain. From the stand point of someone who got it from someone who didn't know, he will be okay. At first he will be angry, I was. Then reason sets in and you realize anger is getting nothing done. You realize that your life isn't over, or really even altered too much. Then you are okay. I do not in any way blame the guy who gave me this lovely gift. Shit happens and life is unfair. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. And even if he secretly did know, I'm gonna give him the benefit and think he didn't know. I forgive him for my own inner peace.

Speaking from semi experience with this. They don't even test for it. They do the standard STD testing before and during your time in the military. HIV is the only one that they will not allow you to join. Anything curable and not on the standard STD panel isn't an issue. I picked up herpes from someone shortly after his time in the military was up. He didn't know he had it.

Welcome! I don't have much to add since everyone already covered things! The only thing I want to mention is, if you're having an outbreak or just any itching in general, and Epsom salt bath will help. It took the slight itching I had away pretty quickly as well as helped dry things out and heal my sores. Defiantly check the possible yeast infection out. Those can lead to UTIs and possible herpes outbreaks if not treated.

Pretty much everything Herry said. Emotions run high with herpes. We have all been terrified of life at some point. It's very, very normal. The biggest advantage you have is you're already with someone who knows and accepts this completely. That is an insane roller coaster for people who aren't married or in committed relationships. Try not to let it beat you down too much. Educating yourself, living healthy, and giving yourself a break will help you so much. As for the muscle pain, some pain is normal as herpes messes with your nerves and body in general but it seems like you are having an extreme amount of pain. I had some lower back and thigh pain as my first outbreak healed but I would consider it very mild. You may have pre-existing nerve issues going on and the initial outbreak intensified it. After awhile you will learn to manage the emotions that come with herpes and the worry will subside. At first I panicked constantly that if my son as much as even touched a towel I used he would get the herpes... that simply isn't going to happen. After a week or so I became more level headed about it, educated myself, and now I'm pretty confident that I won't be passing it along to anyone anytime soon. There is a good chance that your husband does have herpes, the same type as you and everything so don't worry about passing it along to him. Sex shouldn't be something you shy away from, it's a very beautiful (and fun) thing. Obviously don't be getting it on during an outbreak because that will hurt like hell.

Just throwing my opinion in here. I don't think it's herpes related. I think that if it was even the slightest bit related that one of the nine doctors would pick up on it. Kinda to touch on what tNd mentioned: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superior_gluteal_nerve. I was a CNA for awhile and we had patients who had issues with this. While not every single case was cut and dry since pain tolerances, body reactions, age, physical shape, and physical activity could cause variations, it seemed like everything based off of pain in the area your describing. It seems like its more frontal pain and irritation than in the back of your legs. I would definitely look into what Dancer suggested too. With pain like that it could be any number of things.

Hello!! Nausea is indeed a side effect of herpes suppressive meds as well as a symptom of an outbreak. If you're looking for a natural way to ease the feeling, try some peppermint or lemon. Don't mix them though, yuck.

I think at some point we could all feel like we are undeserving of love and affection. Even the people you fell like you wouldn't deserve a second glance from have felt this way before. We are humans, we are our own worst critics. Even the most confident people. Chances are, while you're pegging the herpes as the factor to your feelings right now, it's probably an underlying self esteem issue. It's easy to blame the herpes because it's "justified" to feel this way about. I couldn't completely tell from your post but I get the feeling you're not actively seeing anyone you would consider sleeping with. If so, then don't worry about it right now. While it's good to form a plan as to how you would go about it if given the chance, worrying about it to the point that it's affecting how you're living is only adding to the feeling of being undeserving. Worrying about how someone will react isn't something you need to do either. You're not there yet. (Unless I read you're post wrong... if so, I apologize) Regardless of how any disclosure goes, you should be working on feeling better about yourself. I've dealt with issues of depression on and off for about 5 years. I decided after my herpes diagnosis that I CAN NOT live like that anymore. At first it was my weight that was the issue, then it was the idea that no one would want a divorced single mom, and then briefly after my diagnosis it was the herpes. It would always be something holding me back. I was watching my friends, my family, and now my son all grow and change. My life was continuing to move forward, but I wasn't. It's been 5 years, pretty soon it would be 10, and then 15. If I wasn't going to fix the way I was feeling now, would I ever? That scared me. You might have to wake up every day and force yourself to start living and force yourself to be happy, but eventually you'll start to believe it because you'll remember how much better it feels.

The first part of breaking the herpes stigma is to not think the stigmatized way. You're not dirty, or a monster. How you're feeling is normal, we have all been there. Anyone, anywhere can get herpes. It's not just a selective group. You would be amazed at who you know that has it. A nurse in my doctors office who I consider to be one of the most attractive, well put together, and all around wonderful person disclosed to me that she's been H+ for 15 years. I was shocked. It really can happen to anyone. Like everyone else, you will accept it over time and you'll get to a point where all it is to you is a really annoying skin condition. It seems like you're not in a great place in a lot of ways with life right now. When things are being thrown at you right and left you find yourself in "the hole". You haven't been given a chance to deal with things as they come because it's all coming at once. Get your head right and things will be easier to deal with. Eliminate unneeded stressors, see a counselor if you think it would help, force yourself to take the time to relax. Deal with things one day at a time, like Herry said. That's all you really can do. I've never dealt with a physically abusive partner, but a emotionallyy damaging one. It starts to consume you if you let it. You just have to get to a point where you refuse to let it own you and you separate your life as much as you can from it. I know it's hard while you're going through the courts with it right now. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to find the positive and the happy in situations or else it consumes us and makes things worse.

I agree with everything Dancer and Herry said. Even though your doctor gave you some not so educated advice, you should ALWAYS be using condoms if either of you are worried about transmission since it cuts the risk down quite a bit, he wasn't totally off base. It is a small chance to pass it to your partner, but still a chance nonetheless. Try not to stress about it too much. As hard as that is.

As Herry said, the first year is an adjustment. Often times high emotions and irritability are a symptom of an outbreak. Our bodies do weird shit. Take it all in stride and deal with the outbreaks as they come. The constant stress isn't going to help. A few things that helped me kind of move my outbreak along were Epsom salt baths and going commando when I was at home in sweats. Basically with the bath just get in as warm of water as you can take (sometimes too hot of water will hurt in the outbroken area) and pour the Epsom salt directly between your legs. Also, if you don't already have a prescription for Valtrex or another herpes med, you should get one. As Herry said. It really will help with the clearing up of a current outbreak as well as suppressing future ones. As far as being angry at your giver, it's normal for a little while. We have all been there. There has to come a time where you move past the anger and just forget about them. Anger isn't going to be productive to you during this. It was really shitty of them to not disclose their status, but nothing can be done about it now. Sex is a risk. A risk of pregnancy, a risk of STDs, a risk of your emotions being destroyed. As an adult you chose to sleep with this person, you are in NO WAY to blame for being given herpes, but you made the choice to sleep with them and it is what it is. It doesn't make it easier for you now, but eventually you will make peace with all of this. With dating, don't worry about that right now. Emotionally you're not ready and that's okay. Take some time to heal your body and your mind. Move past what has happened to you and focus on how to make this situation a positive one in your life. Trying to date will only cause you stress right now. Stress you don't need.

Thanks guys! I'm feeling a lot better tonight. Usually it just irritates me for about a day or so and then I'm over it again. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I just don't get how someone could not care about their child. I don't like not knowing the why of a situation. It seems like such a foreign idea to me because I've never dealt with anyone like this before. My family and friends are just not the slightest bit that way. I've decided to just take it in stride and if he ever decides to be involved then fine. I won't "not allow" it but if he so choses to continue to be an absent parent then he's the one missing out, not me. I don't hate him. I don't have the ability to hate anyone. I hate the things he does. I think he's just dug himself into a hole deep enough that he figures he will never be able to get out so why bother righting his wrongs. It actually makes me feel bad for him. Herry- I'm curious as to what voodoo connections you have? Always been a little fascinated with that culture. Side note: did you by chance watch any of the third season of American Horror Story?

Nice guys for the win! Seriously though, use this as a way to weed out potential relationships and which ones will turn your status into a deal breaker. If you feel uneasy telling someone one because the will either judge you, or use it against you then they aren't someone you would want to be with anyway.

I have some pretty amazing teachers!

This really isn't herpes related, but I am worried all the stress will cause another outbreak. So. I have a child, a beautiful perfect child. I also have an ex husband who can't seem to grow up. He has nothing to do with our son. Never sees him, never calls to ask about him, no child support is paid. He pretty much fails to even acknowledge that our son exists. He also has an older child from before, and now a new baby. All three with different moms. For the most part he and I have no contact. We simply go about 3-4 months without speaking or texting. Occasionally I will send information about changes in insurance or day care, or just send him recent pictures. He usually just doesn't reply. Sometimes though it seems like he just gets angry one random day and decides that he and I need to fight. So he will call, usually to bitch about being expected to pay child support or complain about how my attorney "harasses" him because he will receive letters as reminders to cooperate with out agreements when he fails to do so...... because he needs to be reminded that he has a son I guess.....? He likes to throw in a few insults about how I am not financially as well off as him so how could I manage to take care of "that kid" (he actually refers to my son that way) I can normally brush it off and go about my business. Today though, I couldn't. I didn't retaliate with insults or swearing, even though I wanted to. I basically asked him what his plan was as far as being involved with our son. Did he plan on waiting until he was older and easier to care for? Waiting until he felt like there would be no actual responsibility on his part? Would he explain to our son that he just simply didn't care up until then? Did he plan on just forever pretending that he doesn't have a son? and if so, how did he live with that? I should have known to just hang up and not attempt to carry on a conversation with him. He said something along the lines that he did not care about "that kid" and never wants to be a part of his life. He didn't want "that kid" (side note: my child was planned, we actually did intend for me to get pregnant) and I could just deal with it myself forever because I chose to keep the baby.... but he would never sign his rights away or change the joint custody incase he and his girlfriend decided they wanted to be a part of his life one day. Then hung up. Needless to say, I was angry. I started crying and just couldn't believe that bullshit actually came out of his mouth. I honestly don't know how someone can even get those words out. I know a big part of him says those things to cover his guilt. I have to believe that he honestly does feel guilt about the situation being this way. I have never made it difficult for him to see my son. He's only asked one time, and I drove the few hours distance for him to see my then 2 month old child. He's never attempted since. He's never once called to ask how our son was. He doesn't even know who our son is, and our son has no idea who he is. He's never called on holidays. I would be shocked if he know my sons birthday. That HAS to wear on a person, right? I've looked into my ex and I willingly letting him sign his parental rights away, and it's just simply not something courts will go for. I'm angry because he now has another child after he decided to completely ignore the child we have together, and only is involved with his oldest if and when it's convenient for him. I feel like it's a giant FU to his older two children, me, and his oldest childs mom. I know it's nothing personal, just complete lack of parental morals and responsibility on his part. It still bothers me though because he has no place having more kids. I know after all this time I should just laugh at his words and move on. Given the situation and the other things that have happened, I have. In my opinion, I've handled the situation extremely well. However, the stress and the emotions get me and I just get so angry sometimes. My son deserves better. He deserves a dad that puts him as a priority, the same as I have. I deserve better. I deserve someone who will co parent despite the situation. I don't know how anyone can look at their childs face, even if it's just in pictures, and be okay with choosing to not be in their life.

First, STAY OFF GOOGLE. It will make you crazy. Second, Yes there is a risk you could have had herpes passed along to you. There is ALWAYS a risk. Even with protected sex. However, if she is on suppressive meds then the chance is very small. If she was not experiencing prodome, an outbreak, or shedding then that risk is pretty much non existent. The thing is, she could be have a pending outbreak (prodome) and not know it. Every time it can be different in mildness and symptoms. Herpes is a no rule virus. It seems like you probably would not have gotten it passed to you though. The risk would be extremely small. The best thing you can do is just watch your body closely, and if it still bothers you after you've had time to think rationally again (totally normal to panic right now), get tested in about 3 months. That's all you can do really. You mentioned that the two of you really click and you could see it going somewhere. If so, know that you are always at risk and then decide if you are willing to take that risk.

Well, you definitely want to tell him before things get physical. You obviously know that. As far as actual timing, I would tell him when you're not about to get naked with each other. Honestly, it can be an in the moment killer. He needs time to process it, and possibly time to think about if he wants to go down that road. That's completely normal if he does, it's a pretty big deal to actually be given the choice of being put at risk to get something like herpes. If you feel like you can trust him, and feel like he can handle it without being too quick to judge then the earlier the better. If you're unsure about it, then wait till you know him better. I know how exciting it can be to have a super strong mutual attraction to someone new, and even better when you both have a sexual attraction to each other but unless it's worth the risks- both physically and mentally then it's okay to wait. Also.... I just noticed I said basically the same thing as Dancer....