Sparklepony

Hello hello- I'm not in any way medically able to tell you anything, plus I have no idea what your numbers even mean. What my doctor told me is most women display signs within two weeks of initially being given herpes. Some have the typical initial outbreak (sores, flu like symptoms, headaches, etc) and some have outbreaks so mild that they pass as a razor burn like rash. If you started having symptoms in October of 2012 then it would be safe to assume that you got the virus around that time, again not a guarantee that's when though given that herpes is a tricky bitch and can hide out for awhile. Another way to tell an estimated time is if you got any blood drawn at the time you were diagnosed, if it's in your blood test then you've had it at least 6-8 weeks. If not then you probably got it recently. Since you had symptoms almost a year before you were officially diagnosed then there wouldn't really be a for sure way to tell an estimated time based on your blood test. Basically, herpes is a jerk and doesn't play by any rules. You could have been carrying this around for years before something triggered it. The plus side is the longer you've had it in your body the more time your body has had to build up the ability to keep outbreaks at bay.

Ugh Google is the worst. I still have nightmares of the things I saw the first and only time I image searched "herpes outbreak"... *shudder*

I'm not sure why anyone would catfish as someone who has herpes.... doesn't seem like somebody would get any real benefit from that. Also, I've never seen anyone really talk about meeting another person from this site in real life. I could just be missing things. You're completely safe on this site. I'm a pretty computer and internet savvy person, most of my job IS website networking based and I can honestly say that the vibe of this community compared to many others I am familiar with is the safety of it's users. Everyone (for the most part) has the attitude of respecting everyone else because we all understand that everyone we interact with here is in the same boat we are. If you're worried about protecting your privacy then just be cautious with personal information.

Chances are your blood test doesn't show any sign YET and that's why those test results were negative. Your culture swabs weren't though, those are immediate and completely accurate results. So there wasn't really a mistake, just two different tests and one not having enough time to show true results. It's extremely confusing since there is a gap of time from initial infection to antibodies in your blood. Emotionally you're going to need to ride the rollercoaster until you mentally accept this lovely skin condition you have been given. Though it feels like your life is over now, it's not. Of course you're going to have to adjust some things but basically this is just another life change. You're not chained to anyone, and if you don't want to be with your partner then don't be. Don't waste his or your time. You can still live your life, you're just going to have to disclose to future and current partners. (which you have mentioned you have done. Bravo to you sister, most people aren't brave enough to do that) Honestly, look at it as a wingman, (Dancer can tell you the links about that, it's a fabulous mindset) and if you couldn't comfortably disclose to someone then they probably aren't someone you really want to be sleeping with.

They will open up on their own, and if not then good for you because that shit hurts. Dancer is right about the Epsom salt and commando. I swear it worked almost immediately for me.

Yeah my computer likes to send error messages when there isn't an error. My computer is kind of a jerk.

Odd question. So I know that the herpes virus is "stored" in your spine (or am I completely off base?) the last two days I've had a dull pain on and off in my lower back on the right side. It is a herpes thing? Like can you feel the virus sort of settling into your back? Or did I just sleep funny?? Bodies are so weird.

YESSSSSSS!!! I'm doing the happy dance for you too!!!

I agree with the commando thing. I took an Epsom salt bath and went commando overnight and my sores had started drying up right away. I have to wear dress pants to work and going sans panties is not an option in pants like that so I wore the thinnest COTTON underwear I could find. Don't wear any underwear that's not 100% cotton if you're having an outbreak. It's breathable and you're less likely to stick to it- gross visual I know, but it happens.

My doctor put a "rush" on mine because I had a physical outbreak. Basically for insurance reasons she ordered the blood test. It still took about 4 days. Chances are this guy is your giver and knew he had it. Regardless, what's done is done and getting an answer from him wont change it. Take it as a sign that he needs to stay out of your life for good.

We women like to complicate things.

"I never thought I would be here" Pretty much what I've said to myself about once a week for the last two and a half years. I've often joked with a close friend that the shit that has happened in my life is the stuff they base Lifetime movies on. It kind of all started when I made the mistake millions of other people make every year, I got married. (I kid, I kid. Marriage is... great?) Did I love him? Yeah, probably. Did I know it wasn't right? Yes. I know what you're thinking, why would I have gotten married then? Emotionally I wasn't in a good place. No fault of my now ex husbands, he didn't screw with me emotionally until AFTER we got married. My issues started before he and I were even together. In high school, well actually most of my life, I was never the really smart girl, I was never athletic. I was however, really hot. (Humble I know) So knowing that was my "strong" point, I ran with it. I allowed that to define me. Then after graduating from high school (three years to be exact) I got sick. Long story short, lots of meds equals lots of weight gain. I saw my once naturally thin body gaining weight at an out of control rate, my skin breaking out from all the things going on internally, my hair dry from my bodys lack of ability to nurture the inside let alone the outside. I had no way to stop it. I felt horrible and ashamed of myself. I continued to let how I look define me. Fast forward about a year and I meet my now ex husband. At first I did not like that guy, at all. He annoyed me. He also did something no one else had done in a long time. He told me I was beautiful, smart, funny. I fell for it after I stopped thinking and started listening to the bullshit he was spitting out. This was also around the same time that my best friends were getting married and having kids. So of course I felt like I needed to do the same. I believe he picked up on my need to be like everyone else and decided to proposed. I obviously said yes. I wouldn't ever have considered myself to be happily married. It was never fun, there was no honeymoon phase. He switched personalities almost right away. Gone was the guy who told me I looked good without make-up, the guy who was appreciative about me cooking (really amazing) meals, and the guy who liked my family. Replaced with him was someone who criticized me when I wore make-up and got dressed up and when I didn't, someone who told me I was lazy, someone who thought my family was out to get him because they didn't agree with some of the choices he made after we got married. I literally felt like nothing I did was right. We fought constantly. I felt like I had no say in anything because I didn't make him happy... I felt trapped. Shorty after we got married I found out he didn't get the memo that said once you're a married man you don't get to have girlfriends anymore. I confronted the girl. Thought it was all taken care of and decided to stick it out with my marriage. Getting pregnant was clearly the fix all to this mess.... I was six weeks pregnant when I decided to move out of the home I shared with my now ex husband. The affair never ended, they just got smarter at hiding it. Until the other girl found I was pregnant. She then went on a rampage telling everyone that they had been seeing each other, that he was leaving me and they were moving in together, and that they had gotten a dog together. Me moving out was the start of a long drawn out divorce, and a ongoing battle over custody battle. I am a single mom. My ex husband has seen our child one time since he was born. My finances are just now starting to become actual finances used to pay for things other than my attorney and bills my ex husband stuck me with. Because of all this I swore off dating. I swore I would become a nun. I swore I would become a crazy dog lady (I'm not a cat person. Cats are shady) but you can't become a crazy dog lady without a dog. I lost my dog a few months ago. My buddy through the whole shit show that was my divorce, my childs playmate, and the cutest dog ever. I think that hurt even more than my divorce. Clearly my plans to become a nun fell through as well. I met someone. Someone I still consider to be a good guy. He just gave me herpes so I lost interest. It felt like the universe was telling me that I wasn't meant to have an actual life. Here is the upside to all my random thoughts: I don't think my ex husband is a horrible person, just a person who makes horrible choices. I am a free thinking, intelligent adult. I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. Does this excuse his behavior? Hell no. Did I have the ability to change how this all played out? Yes. It is what it is and I wouldn't change it if I could because without it I would not have my child. I don't consider my herpes giver a bad person. Probably just someone who was afraid to tell me the truth. I'm assuming he knew he had, maybe he genuinely didn't. Either way, it doesn't matter now. Some days I still feel like that terrified person I was two years ago. I'm not though. I am tough as hell, because I've been through hell. My heart still has the ability to love, and forgive. I have the most beautiful child, and more importantly he is so happy and so healthy. I have amazing friends and family who have been with me every single day through all of this. I have a great job. I also have the ability to determine how I want to live the rest of my life. I am blessed enough to make that choice, and after all of the "life lessons" I have been taught the last few years I have the confidence in myself to know that I will make the right choices. The truth is, I was a spoiled brat. I needed life to kick me in the ass until I learned these lessons. I needed something to force me to wake up everyday and realize that I need to fight every day to be happy despite the circumstances, and not just for myself but for my child too. I think all of these hard days and all of these struggles led me to this point, but I think being diagnosed with herpes was the final push. I've decided to take care of my relationships, my mind, and my body. I've decided to live peacefully with myself. End rambling.

I'm past my "party scene" (but only by a few years, I'm not much older than you) but I know what you're feeling. Feels like you can't be fun anymore. I've been fighting with myself over this too, and it's a really depressing thought sometimes. I've come to the conclusion that I can, and will, still have a fun social life. It just won't have the option to include the random sex part. At first that made me sad, but then I realized it's not my thing anyway. It's not the random sex I'll miss, it's just not having the option of having it that makes me feel sad. I think us feeling like we can't be as social or have as much fun now is part of us buying into the idea that we are suppose to go out, get extremely drunk, and go home with the guy who buys us drinks all night while telling us how good we look or how much of a "connection" they have with us. (...yeah, some guy staring at my boobs all night is an excellent way to feel chemistry....) You'll learn that you'll have just as much fun as you did before, probably even more. You're adjusting right now, and you need to go through the motions before you can really accept this "life change". Part of that process will be mourning the parts of your old life that now need to change. You can still be young and crazy... you'll just have to be a little more careful about it. Honestly, it's not such a bad thing either. Random sex with people you don't know, or where there aren't real feelings involved in is really overrated. You'll be more careful about who you can trust and who you will open not only your emotions to, but your body as well.

I know how you're feeling. I don't feel this way about getting herpes, I've been on a whole soul searching kick the last two weeks. I felt this way about most situations in my life though. While anger is a totally normal and sometimes healthy emotion, it can start to break you down eventually. Not accusing you of being outright angry, but it seems like you're looking for ways to get answers. Closure maybe. Which quickly turns into anger when actually receiving those answers. Chances are he did give it to you. He also wouldn't tell you. The emotional issues and the 5 months of not talking says if he is faced with you asking him about a herpes test he will more than likely blame you or deny and get defensive. That my friend, is not worth your time. You have no obligations to disclose to a future partner who gave it to you, just that you have it. I know it's frustrating not knowing, but sometimes you just have to accept that it is what it is and carry on.

We are the same age. Dating is hard. Herpes or no herpes, that shit is hard. Being "rejected" for things such as "no chemistry" or just not fitting into each other's lives is normal. Expected even when your into something new with someone. Feeling like you're being rejected for something you're already insecure about makes it feel even worse. I would assume things wouldn't work out between you two later on down the line if you didn't have herpes. Not to add rain to you already rained out parade. I'm a firm believer in the idea that if someone wants to be with you, then they will do so despite the things that make it difficult. Especially at first. I know this sounds crazy, but be glad he feels this way over "just herpes". Chances are he isn't the kind of guy who would stick things out for you. I was talking with a friend (the only friend that knows I have this lovely skin condition) and we were talking about the guy who passed it along to me. I was falling for this guy pretty hard, he didn't feel the same. Since telling him the news we have not spoken. I have left it up to him to decide if we remain friends or not. I made a joke that it would have been easier to tell him I was pregnant. Then I realized, no, it wouldn't. If he went from talking to me daily to nothing after this, then I could bet my ass that if I was pregnant he would be no where to be found. I already do the single mama thing and it's definitely harder than herpes. My point is, while this hurts and your feelings are justified, it's actually a good thing. You found out early that you two aren't compatible. You're not as emotionally invested as you would be a year down the line. You were honest, and that is so hard. Most of us are in this canoe because someone wasn't honest. Bravo to your bravery, it's hard. You also know that you have the ability to disclose and be "rejected" and still live. It could be a lot worse. I want to get all girl power on you and say he isn't man enough to handle it, but that's unfair. Him not wanting to risk the herpes isn't a character flaw on him, it's just the deciding factor to why you two aren't compatible.

I have a Mirena. Ive had it about a year now and in that time I've had one extremely light period. I got it right as I finished breastfeeding so I think that's why I had no "adjustment periods". I had no pain or discomfort during insertion or right after, but I had also had a baby 8 months before and I'm sure that made it easier. I highly recommend it, for most people it stops periods all together so if that's a huge trigger for outbreaks for you it might be worth a shot. As previously mentioned, the strings aren't soft. They do feel like metal but I'm assuming that's to make checking for them easier.

1- I appreciate you not telling me I'm losing my mind, 2- I appreciate your reassurance. Logically I know that I'm just going through the motions of adjusting to this "life change", but then I continue to freak out.

Hello!! I just got over my first outbreak, which I wouldn't consider to be anything extreme but it was still uncomfortable as all hell. A few things that helped me: Epsom salt baths, seriously helped to dry out the sores. Like many people post on here, I got into the tub and then poured the salt directly between my legs. Didn't burn, and I swear they started drying up right away. Going commando, the air flow helped to keep everything dry and help to further dry up the sores. Wiping with unscented baby wipes, I don't know if this did anything to help heal things but it helped to sooth and keep my lady parts clean. I was also given Valtrex about a 3 days after I noticed the first sore and I think the early detection helped the meds work faster. Sleep it also huge, your body repairs itself during sleep, and ultimately that's what it needs to be doing right now. And, with anything in life, WATER. It will help your body flush out the attack going on right now.

So I've been feeling a lot better the last week. Had the awkward "you gave me herpes" talk with the guy who passed this along to me. Decided to take this all as a sign that I need to start taking better care of myself. Generally accepted it and realized that this isn't the end of the world in the grand scheme of things.... .... then I had a dream it was AIDS. I had an anxiety attack. The first one in years. I felt sick to my stomach. Looked up the symptoms (I know, I know... don't use Google) and I can't stop thinking about it. Obviously my diagnosis was the herpes, the test came back positive for that. I just keep panicking thinking that I could have something more as well. I have a doctors appointment on Monday and plan to ask for the full panel test just to put my mind at ease. Logically I don't think I have anything more than herpes but my mind is still racing and my body is still in panic mode. Is it normal to freak out like this? Can someone just come slap some sense into me please.

Honestly, I think both of you are just in an unhealthy place. No judging, blaming or accusing to either you or your boyfriend but if he's feeling trapped and you're feeling the need to hide things (again, no judgements. We have all been there) then chances are you guys aren't in a situation to form a healthy relationship. Don't automatically assume it's the herpes. It might just be the easiest thing to blame because underlying issues aren't always apparent. Definitely do the counseling, I can't speak enough at how it help. More for you personally, but as a couple it could be beneficial.

Personally I like that the few people I have chose to tell didn't treat me any different, that's probably the biggest thing for me. They listen when I bring it up and if my mood is anger then they rant along with me, if I'm feeling like this is a chance to better myself then they cheer me on. Fortunately they are both understanding enough to know that people go through the motions when adjusting to having hsv and they allow me to do it without question. I would just wait for your loved one to bring it up and then follow their mood, be what they need you to be at the time. It helps a lot knowing someone is sad, angry, optimistic right along with you.

Does your dorm have a bath tub? Slim chance I know, but mine did in some of the dorms. If not, if the shower has somewhat of an option to plug up the water and sit in it (sounds odd, I know) try a shallow bath with Epsom salt. It seriously dried mine up in a few days. Also, go commando if you can. The air really helps. Also, call your doctor tomorrow or go into the er if the pain is unbearable and they can either give you a few low doses of narcotics or at least give you a shot of pain meds to give you some relief. My doctor gave me 3 days worth of Tylenol 500s (I think that was the doseage) to help me get some sleep. I know it seems impossible right now, but it will get easier. Your body has been through so much in a short time. Be as kind to yourself as possible right now.

I'm assuming having herpes is something you are insecure about? If so, you're totally normal. I'm also assuming he knows this? It's a classic sign of preying on someone's weaknesses to control them. He might not actually even care about the herpes , or the risk of getting it himself but as long as you know how big of a "risk" he's taking or how much he's looked past being with you then you "owe" him. Anytime one person feels that they are indebted to the other then the relationship has reached an unhealthy point. I know you love him, and I'm sure to some extent he loves you but sometimes that love isn't what's best for your well being. He might not even know he's manipulating you, but at the end of the day he is and that's not good for either one of you. You have obviously been giving this a lot of thought, you've looked to people who could be in your situation for advice. I agree with the counseling advice Dancer suggested. It might benefit you personally more than you know. Good luck to you.

Miss Kelly, it's an amazing thing to realize huh? How someone acts when shit gets real is the biggest reveal of who they are, and sometimes it even reveals who you are to yourself. It's easy to be angry towards someone who has a negative effect on you, even more so when it's a life long situation. It's how you chose to handle it that makes all the difference. I told the person who gave me this, I couldn't stand the thought of it being passed onto someone else if he didn't know. His actions screamed that he knew he had it and either thought I wouldn't get it or just didn't care. I chose to believe that he figured I wouldn't get it and was too afraid to tell me. While the conversation went about as pleasant as that kind of conversation could go, it made me realize that I didn't think he was as muh of a fit for me as I did before. No anger, no bad feelings, just a realization that we weren't a match. I still think he's a wonderful guy, just not the wonderful guy for me. Anger will only serve it's purpose if you can realize when it's time to stop being angry. Once things are to a point where you can't change them then a mentality of how can I work through this needs to replace the anger. Dancer is right, that was a statement by someone learning to love themselves through their struggles. Which might be the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. The more you love yourself, the more the right people will follow your example and love you. Everyone else just falls to the sidelines at that point and out of your way. Damn I love this site!!

Thanks, Dancer!