JanetD

Great thread Carlos! I love this and use it almost daily. Bodhisattva Aspiration May whatever arises in my life... whatever circumstances... whatever situations May this serve the awakening of my mind and heart May this serve the awakening of compassion and wisdom

Old thought - I'm alone because I have herpes. New thought- Herpes may be the reason I'm not with just anyone but it certainly isn't the reason I'm not with "The One".

Hey Carlos: Thanks for the great links!

I agree with Adrial. It's fine for a while, and some people have met their life partners, but it's giving herpes way too much power over your life to only date within the herpes community.

We should all write an "I Have a Dream" speech! :-)

Hang in there. I remember the days when it seemed like every minute was consumed with the thought "I have herpes". It important to realize that getting a herpes diagnosis is not a sentence to live life alone. It's actually an opportunity to live an even happier life than you had before and experience more love than you have ever thought was possible. You're lucky you found this sight so quickly. Taking time to think about your life is fine but don't isolate. We're here for you. Tell a friend that you trust. The more the better. There's a lucky girl out there somewhere with your name on her heart! xoxoxox

Hey Adrial: Once again, I am inspired by your commitment to be real and your willingness to be vulnerable. I'm grateful that you've invited all of us to share your journey. Much love!

Good luck, Smiles. Sending lots of love your way!

I would like to offer a radically and probably very unpopular opinion about casual hook-ups. I personally believe that even if we have all the information and facts about a situation, it takes more than 5 or 10 minutes to make a decision about something that is going to change our lives forever. No one would think twice about taking a couple of weeks to make a decision about changing jobs or buying a house but we’re supposed be able to make a decision about something that changes your life as radically as getting herpes does in a couple minutes. That’s just plain crazy! Not everyone has the maturity or the self-confidence to ask the right questions in order to gain the clarity that they would need in order to make an informed decision, especially if things have already heated up and you’re not thinking clearly anyway. Most people who don’t have herpes have no idea what it’s like to actually have it and I think it’s up to us, who know what it’s like to protect them until they have had the chance to do their own research, time to sit quietly and come to a decision that feels right for them. Often very caring people do express a lot of concern for the difficultly we may have in disclosing and want to comfort us and make us feel better about ourselves and I think there is a temptation to misinterpret this to mean that they aren’t concerned about getting herpes. Yes, in very rare cases it may be OK to go ahead and have sex with someone immediately after disclosing. If your potential partner is extremely knowledgeable about herpes; has a high level of maturity; a strong spiritual practice and you take every precaution regarding using safe sex then go for it. Otherwise having casual sex even after disclosure, in my opinion, is just plain self-centered and irresponsible.

Yup, It's happening to me, too.

Thanks for taking the time to share your story, Emily. I'm so happy for you! Many Blessings!

Sounds Great! Although I'm only 2 years in, I would love to be a support/have a buddy. Because I know from experience that giving and receiving are really the same thing. I live on the East Coast. I know having a similar time zone often makes it easier to connect. Sharing the journey makes everything seem brighter. xo

Someone mentioned somewhere on this forum that they say "herpes simplex". I like it. You know, it's simple... not complicated at all!

Hi Carlos: Although this isn’t as devastating as being rejected by a parent I can kind of relate to what you’re saying. My first, and only, disclosure (pre-H-Opp) style seemed to go pretty well. He said it wasn’t a deal breaker. I could tell he really cared about me. As time went by, however, I realized that his fear of contracting herpes was too big a barrier for him to even take the risk of having safer sex. In his defense, he probably would have married me as long as I promised not to take my clothes off below my waist. That experience was pretty humiliating to say the least. I’ve come a long way since then and that was only 10 months ago. What I've come to realize is that if we want someone else to accept this and be OK with it then we have to be OK with it first. Looking back, I was definitely not OK with it and I probably communicated that in a hundred different ways. I’ve also come to realize that getting herpes is actually one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Maybe even the best thing. It’s like Adrial says, it’s not just an opportunity to discover who you REALLY are, it’s an incredibly strong incentive to discover who you REALLY are. Seen through the eyes of the Ego, this herpes thing is a real mess. It’s Bad with a Capital B...disgusting, dirty and shameful... but seen through the eyes of the Soul, it’s Perfection. Our Soul wants us to wake up...to wake up out of the trance of looking for love and happiness in all the wrongs ways and in all the wrong places. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can continue to let our ego run the show and decide for us, who we are going to be... or we can learn to see ourselves through the eyes of love. We can come to know our true beauty; to feel and know our pure heart; our true value and worthiness to be loved that isn’t dependent on outside circumstances or what other people think of us. I continue to find the blessings that herpes has brought into my life. What we look for we usually find. When we know who we really are... then others will see who we are. And when we know who we are... we will see who others really are. Others will feel good and safe around us. I can feel through your posts that you are a wonderful, caring, beautiful person with a enormous heart and sense of humor to match. You’re probably way too good for most people. Herpes is a little tiny insignificant word compared to a big, beautiful soul like you. xoxo

Hi stayingpositive: I'm also asymptomatic and at first wished I didn't know either but I've come to be grateful for finding out. It's definitely preferable than passing it on to someone without knowing it. So sorry to hear about your sister. That's rough. I can't help but feel that your counselor was pretty insensitive. I think we all have felt a lot of outrage about the ignorance and misconceptions out there. I've come to look at it as just one of the many ways people are unconscious. I think you're doing amazing considering the upheaval of moving cross country, a new job and finding out you have herpes. Welcome to the forum. There's a lot of information and support here.