Kath_R

Okay got it, I'm not a doctor so my first response is to trust her, but I had doubts. Thanks!

When my boyfriend last saw his doctor he explained our situation, we're being very careful, but he wanted a blood test. His doctor told him that because he has the chicken pox virus already it will make an HSV-2 blood test come back positive regardless. I'm no doctor but I've never heard this before? Is there any other way to test? His doctor basically told him "if you have it, you'll know" which I've also heard differently about. I'm sorry for the medical question, more than anything I want to put his mind and mine at ease. He's been wonderful about it, honestly I worry more than he does. Thanks!

I've found myself recently single (the least of my troubles, it was a wonderful, fulfilling relationship) and thus playing the dating game again. The first time I ever had to disclose to someone, I got an absolutely awful reaction. He was totally outraged, furious at me for kissing him (I have nothing oral, we hadn't slept together), and it left quite a bad taste in my mouth and gave me a very negative idea of what to expect in the future. So I switched to online dating and my profile reads: "Let me say upfront, I have Type 2 Herpes" as my first sentence. I decided I didn't want anyone mean and narrow minded wasting my time and emotions. It's worked out pretty well so far, many men admire the honesty, but still, every once in a while, I meet someone I'm interested in in person and I have to have that talk. Since my breakup, I've had to tell 3 guys and really not one has reacted as poorly as I might have guessed. The first was understanding, but ultimately declined, which I understand since we were discussing the possibility of a casual arrangement, and we're both still good friends. The second was a guy I work with who'd apparently been interested in me for weeks and finally got the nerve up to tell me. I have no interest in him and said "You don't want to get with me like that, I have herpes" (which I admit was soley to "scare him off") and as luck would have it, he didn't care in the slightest and said "so what?". The third is a guy I've been dating and just recently told. I once again, expected the worst and he said "That sucks, but you're not your herpes, let's just keep seeing each other and see where this goes". It just makes me wonder why some people loose their minds and others couldn't care less? Is it how well educated they are about sexual health? Is it how emotionally invested they already are in me? Are some people just jerks? How do I get more of the good and less of the bad?

I haven't been active on here in so long it took a few tries to remember my username. But only for good reasons! I've been too busy and happy to worry about herpes. I've kind of forgotten about it to be honest. Sometimes my mind kind of likes to look for bad things and I think "Hm, maybe it isn't a good thing that I'm forgetting about herpes" but then I think why not? It's had such a minimal impact on my life. All of my friends and some of my family know because I want to impress on everyone how not big of a deal it is. I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for about 9 months now and he's still herpes-free. But I don't want people who still struggle with feeling good about themselves shouldn't think that finding a significant other is the key to happiness and it will make all your problems go away. I think the sole reason I am so happy in my relationship is that I was okay with myself even before I met my guy. Know that you're worthwhile and fabulous, single or not. So really I'm just popping in to say hello, offer encouragement to everyone struggling. It will all be fine, life is good.

Wow, this is lovely, truly, like poetry. It made me really pause, tear up a bit, and want to hug myself. Thank you so much for sharing

So after months of being terrified, I met a great guy online. He knew off my description that I had the herps, so there wasn't even any awkward disclosure. He is completely fine with it and utterly sweet. On top of it all, I haven't had an outbreak since the beginning of September. I have absolutely zero complaints, life is pretty damn good, and the herps doesn't matter at all. Thank you all for helping me get here!

I'm on Positive Singles. Not that I'm trying to segregate myself or anything, but I'm not exactly looking to get married or anything. It's great for if you just want easy, casual dating (nothing wrong with that in my opinion). I met a nice guy on there who I've been seeing for about 5 months. I also have a "regular" dating site profile, which is nice because then you can say right in your profile "I have herpes!" You'd be surprised by the number of people who don't mind it at all.

It's kind of conflicting. I of course want everyone to be more aware about sexual health and safety and make educated decisions about their sex lives. I mean, I wouldn't ever want to spread herpes when it can be avoided!

So I stumbled across this a while ago on the internet, years before I even had herpes and then totally forgot about it. Until now of course when I remembered it and for some reason, I really let it bother me. http://www.wired.com/table_of_malcontents/2007/05/french_aids_cam/ Basically, it's this French PSA ad where it says that "Without protection, you are making love to AIDS", and it depicts people being intimate with giant scorpions and spiders. Of course, at first all I could think was "Oh my god, I'm as disgusting as a spider! No 'normal' person is ever going to touch me again! (etc, etc)" But now I'm just annoyed that this is the tone PSA's take towards safe sex. "Let's make all the uninfected people terrified and the infected ones ashamed. That should segregate them!" I just wish sexual awareness could take a non-threatening tone and the focus was more about knowing your status and being open with your partner(s).

I used to watch this show too and I was really irritated by that! I'm considering somehow maybe informing the network that this is really quite offensive. Writing seems like a pain and might not get any notice. Maybe posting something on their facebook page? It's really surprising how often corporations will respond to complaints posted on a facebook page, sometimes it gets a lot of notice.

Wait- can it be passed through towels and things? I thought it was only skin to skin contact?

I was watching this show where the main character is diagnosed with HPV. Rather than being down about it, she decides that "all adventurous women do [have STD's]". It was nice to actually see movies/tv acknowledging sexual health, it seems like there's all this wild sex going on in movies but no one EVER gets an std. But I thought this was a funny, lighthearted stance to take towards having an std. Some may think having herpes makes you "slutty" or "dirty", but I now prefer to think it means I'm adventurous and sexually liberated. I grew up in the 'burbs, I don't exactly get a lot of street cred or fun stories, I'll take what I can get! It's like a sex battle scar...

Pro: Once you disclose about herpes, it makes it so much easier to have conversations with your partner about sexual health and just sex in general. Gone is the awkwardness of trying to have a frank conversation about sex. Con: The insecurity, it feels like more of a risk to put myself out there, but I know this is just in my head and will get better with time.

If you and your boyfriend really do have this great connection, don't worry, you probably don't need to be suspicious of him. Even if he did give it to you, it's possible he didn't know he had it. Also, it's possible that his test could come back positive because you gave it to him after several months together. It can be really tricky figuring out who gave it to who, where it came from, and how long you've had it. I hear some people have it for years and never even know it. You may never know who you got it from. I've also heard all kinds of different stories about what a first herpes breakout is like, as far as I can tell, there's no norm. It'd be so much nicer if it could at least come with a manual telling us exactly what to expect and when, but no such luck. But just hang in there, breathe, it will get better. You'll feel normal again before you know it. You aren't alone. You have a great guy who clearly isn't bothered by this and still wants to be with you as well as the many other people who have this virus. It's really very common. So don't worry, you'll be okay, and life will continue!

I'm still pretty new to this, but I recently got a UTI and when I was at the dr's, I asked if it was at all herpes related. I wasn't having an outbreak at the moment and was worried it might mean I had another one coming. She told me one doesn't cause the other. Pain during urination when you have an outbreak depends on where you get sores. If they're more internal, sometimes it can feel like a UTI when it's only an outbreak. If you only get sores around and not inside your genital area it only hurts if the urine passes over the sore (which can really sting like hell!) She told me a good test to tell UTI from outbreak was whether it burned/stung/hurt during and before urination or right after. If it's during/before, it's probably a UTI. If it hurts right after, it's an outbreak and the pain is from urine passing over the open sore. I'm definitely not a doctor, but that's about what I was told.

It does create an awkward moment, that's for sure. I was with some friends last night and a joke about sickle cell anemia somehow came up. One guy got offended and said something like "You shouldn't joke about serious health conditions" and so I asked "then why are herpes jokes okay?" His answer was "Because herpes is funny." I didn't even know what to say to that, I just sort of let it go, even though it irked me.

I don't actually know who I got it from or when I got it, so when referring to herpes I usually just say "I have" or "I've been diagnosed with herpes". I sort of like to say "diagnosed" because it makes it more medical and less 'funny'. Herpes jokes piss me off and I prefer to treat it like a virus.

This is such a sweet story! I like that some posts on here are really just kind of love stories. Herpes with a happy ending. It's a relief to know that there are such understanding people out there.

I was talking with a friend the other day and I casually mentioned I had herpes because, really, when amongst friends, I don't think of it as a secret or something I need to hide. And the response! He acted like I'd just told him I had a terminal illness, or had ruined my entire life or something! "Wow, I'm sorry. That's probably going to keep 99% of anyone away, it's sad that that's how it is. That shit sucks for you!" "Nope, doing alright. Thanks for the concern, I suppose..." "Not that I mind talking to you! You're still a human being, but I'm sure a lot of people have stopped talking to you for it? A few girls in my high school got pregnant and some people stopped talking to them." He wasn't trying to be mean when he said it, but ohhhh! When did I say I wasn't a human being? It's so aggravating! People like to make herpes the equivalent of getting pregnant at 16?

Ah, we're in the same boat, I'm at around 4 weeks too. Unfortunately, this doesn't give me much of a better perspective. But you know, I have more good days than not I'd say. It seems like most people on this site go for conventional dating, but I've been trying online dating on another herpes site. It's actually going pretty well. Even if it doesn't lead to a relationship, it lets you talk to other people in the same boat, reminds you that you aren't alone. Maybe you could try that?

Hey, Smilesfordani, I'm in Cinci too! But if anyone wants a penpal, I must confess a weird yearning for letters...

I think about this too! Once googled "celebrities with herpes" to see what came up, nothing really. I'm hoping someday it will happen. Without realizing it, I've developed this own personal crusade amongst my friends. Didn't realize until one night I was ranting off herpes statistics and they said "enough already!" I guess it has to start with us, the people who have it. Easier said than done, but we've got to stop being ashamed. (See what this site has done to me? I'm an optimist now. Tsk...)

Ah, thank you so much! It was my first time ever having to tell someone, so I was feeling a little guilty, like I had done it wrong! Thanks for the reassurance :)

Jeeze, sounds like that guy was a real catch. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive. I'm really young too and I know how you feel, like your life is over before you even got a chance. But I'm hopeful, I'm hopeful that this might make things different but not worse. This awful feeling of self-loathing can't hang around forever, we can't let it!

I had been on one date with a guy, made out at the end of the night. The next time I saw him, I sat him down and told him all about my little condition. He lost it! Freaked out, was completely convinced he might have caught it even though I told him I don't have it orally. He insists I could have it orally and not know it. Needless to say he is still quite upset with me and we are no longer speaking. But really, point of this all is, should I tell the person I'm seeing about my herpes before kissing them?