whitedaisies

I hate that herpes brought me to the realization of what true love is. I hate that it took something so horrible to shake the very foundation of everything I had learned, all the walls I put up for protection, all I had known my entire 40 years. But I am grateful to herpes in that sense. Ugh, I said it! And even though I have disseminated herpes and trust me, it is horrific, perhaps if I didn't get it this bad I would have lived my whole life in this perfect little box that I created for myself....this safe place. So Herpes helped me find out what true love was and is. And this love has nothing to do with sex or marriage or friendship. It is an emotion that creates a safe place to allow you to be your authentic self and to allow the person you love to do the same. This love is the deepest because it has no boundaries, no limits and no definitions. This love is not based on a role you play within a relationship (a wife, mother, husband, lover, friend); this love is based on the purest sense....a genuine, selfless, innocent love. So thank you to all of you on this forum. Through reading your posts daily, you commenting on my struggles, giving advice, allowing me to be authentic me, free of judgment (sometimes lol)...it has allowed me to embrace a spiritual love, a love that transcends anything I have ever known or experienced myself. And this knowing about love is the first step in my process to feel it. All you H+ people, thank you!

I have erythema multi forme from herpes virus which is like bumps all over the body as a reaction from virus. I never get fluid filled blisters. Just tiny bumps and big bites everywhere except vagina and anus. Lol. So I basically wear long sleeves and long pants all the time. I have kiddies too. I haven't seen a dermatologist yet but soon. I am on antivirals. Using teatree oil and oil of oregano on any outbreaks. I have eczema as well but not everywhere I have the bumps so I am stumped. Waiting to see a derm but I tell u it's frustrating so I feel for u. I am scared to hold kids hands bc I get outbreaks on hands. It's hard. I am hoping to try another antiviral as valtrex is not stopping everything and it all acts up a week before my period. Fun. So it's once a month. Yay hormones! Seeing a natural path tomorrow so I will let u know what recommendations she has. I worry about kids too. I just have decided I do my best. I don't wash them they r old enuff to wash themselves now. So I can empathize with u but don't have any advice. Maybe tomorrow. Hugs

If only we had a crystal ball!!!!

Dot have hsv swab back yet

Negative for strep. Dr says it's viral. No fuckig kidding!!!!! Ugh

Sigh back... Funny, I feel the exact same way. I think it's because we think that it is going to be a long road trying to find someone who will accept us with H....so we better get out there and start looking!!!! I also find that since I had H, I have lots of feelings of loneliness b/c I can't just hop in bed with someone when I want. We have to be strong and realize that the might man will come along when we are ready and not because we are on a mission!

Hey maybe daisies are symbolic kind of to what we are going through now..... Hummm.....we have to get back to enjoying and appreciating the ordinary things in life. Perhaps herpes helps us appreciate those things we took for granted....just like the daisy....

I've been doing my writing on computer ha ha willow, you are in your 20s of the technology era and you are writing via pen and paper and I'm an old fart doing it on the computer. So hysterical! Whichever way you decide to write....don't limit your writing on just herpes. I started writing about herpes everyday thought about it every damn minute...slowly, its evolved to more things....and I have found lots of great things about myself.......now if I get these damn outbreaks to stop I can actually go out and enjoy some of them LOL!

Daisies are my favourite too. Kind of an innocent, pure flower....not too fancy, just beautiful in its simplicity. Sometimes the most beautiful things are the most ordinary.

OMG so sorry Greatlady33. That is horrible. Hugs to you!

Nick, I can feel you beaming right off the computer screen as I read your words. I am so glad you are experiencing these wonderful moments. It gives me some hope.

I love that I am learning more about myself everyday, my desires, my wants, needs and maybe through this discovery I will actually be able to attain these.

I started writing after my diagnosis. Really helps a whole bunch! Good luck to you!

THanks DAncer for always responding. I'm getting down again....bad week-end. Feeling a little sorry for myself. Had to cancel my date b/c I am afraid to kiss anyone not knowing what this damn this is. Always nice to have you responding. Cheers!

Opted out of hospital...sick of doctors....I should have my results tomorrow for strep. Would cold sores inside mouth give swollen lymph nodes if its recurring? Anyway, looks like my body goes haywire with this virus and I'm doing the lysiene, vitamin C, antivirals, vitamin B, resting, therapy....ahhhhh! Anyway, thank you ladies for your support I will let you know what comes of this. Using the salt water gargle too.

OK...so the latest is I now have swollen lymph nodes on the right side of my neck (the same side where the sore appeared or canker or whatever). There are 4 hard lymph nodes that are swollen and painful to touch that just appeared all of a sudden. When anyone gets cold sores, do they get swollen lymph nodes? Or maybe this is strep? I am scared. I have never had this before. Tomorrow is a holiday in Canada, no walk ins open. I don't want to go to the hospital, but this is ridiculous!

LOL.. THanks Dancer...these days are dragging....I was looking at a year for symptoms to subside, when you said 2, I almost dropped!!!! Anyway, I guess everyone is different. I am hoping my body will start kicking some serious herpes ass soon!

I would suggest you have another blood test. You could have HSV1 orally like the majority of people and be asymptomatic and the issues going on with your genitals could be something else. Unless you get a swab done, blood tests don't really tell you where you have the virus on yoru body, mouth or genitals.

2 years!!!!!!!!

I know! I know! about everything you said. Honestly, I tried to get him to break it open....why is this soooo difficult?!?!?!? Why are all the doctors sooooo combative or misinformed or I don't know what the word is.....ignorant!!!! Well, he vigorously swabbed it so hopefully, but you are right and my negative result will not provide me wiht any answers as there will be doubt.

OMG, I just took my daughter to walk in (ear infection), anyway, I asked the doctor there (new doctor today) to swab and he had no problem with it...swabbed for HSV. Only problem is, he didn't burst it so I don't know if that's good enough of just getting a good rub on it. I asked him to burst it, but he didn't. Said it didn't look like HSV b/c usually outside of mouth. Anyway, this could very well be a canker but it was weird how I had my usual head, neck, ear pain with it and now tingling on chin. Will post results when I get them in a couple of weeks.

I am happy to pay....I don't know if its possible to do that. I will have to ask. If the sore is in tact I am assuming it can still be swabbed. Its inside my mouth kind of oblong, oval shape with white stuff in it. I do get cankers as well, but I just find it very coincidental it comes with ear, neck, head pain on the same side it came. Strep results come in afew days andI anticipate it will be negative. Then they'll say, it's viral and I'll say no fucking kidding!

You are in Canada! Me too!!!!!!

I went to 2 walk in clinics. I am in Ontario and I love our public health system, really (not to be political) but it really gives everyone equal access to health care.....only downside is you have to justify every damn test....I don't know if its like that in the states? But here, its almost like you have to convince a doctor to swab you, prepare an argument like a debate. I guess I am not as good as I thought because I haven't convinced one yet with my mouth sores which are inside. I get, they are pimples or cankers...no one will swab. Just damn swab it once so I know if its herpes and then I will know from that point on it isn't. They will swab for bacteria but not hsv1. I find that weird...why have no problem swabbing for strep but not for hsv1? What's the damn difference? Every time I get negative for bacterial....duh....of course, so then I have to decide if its a canker or a hsv1 sore. I can't kiss anyone ...it's ridiculous. Have a hot date on thursday and I'm petrified. What do I say? I may or may not have a cold sore,.....ah!!! I will just kiss and not give oral. I am tired of rhyming off facts like yes, hsv1 can be inside the mouth, it is rarer than outside, but it is possible. Then they say, get off google. I get it! But just do it once and then I will leave you alone. Family doctor refuses too. I have nowhere left to go and that's why this damn virus spreads like wildfire, no one wants to test for it! What are they afraid of?

I went to 2 walk in clinics. I am in Ontario and I love our public health system, really (not to be political) but it really gives everyone equal access to health care.....only downside is you have to justify every damn test....I don't know if its like that in the states? But here, its almost like you have to convince a doctor to swab you, prepare an argument like a debate. I guess I am not as good as I thought because I haven't convinced one yet with my mouth sores which are inside. I get, they are pimples or cankers...no one will swab. Just damn swab it once so I know if its herpes and then I will know from that point on it isn't. They will swab for bacteria but not hsv1. I find that weird...why have no problem swabbing for strep but not for hsv1? What's the damn difference? Every time I get negative for bacterial....duh....of course, so then I have to decide if its a canker or a hsv1 sore. I can't kiss anyone ...it's ridiculous. Have a hot date on thursday and I'm petrified. What do I say? I may or may not have a cold sore,.....ah!!! I will just kiss and not give oral. I am tired of rhyming off facts like yes, hsv1 can be inside the mouth, it is rarer than outside, but it is possible. Then they say, get off google. I get it! But just do it once and then I will leave you alone. Family doctor refuses too. I have nowhere left to go and that's why this damn virus spreads like wildfire, no one wants to test for it! What are they afraid of?