whitedaisies

Well, I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I also have 3 kids and in my 40s!! So I know exactly what you are feeling....except I don't have a loving supportive BF by my side. Let him support and comfort you! It's a beautiful thing. I am nowhere near being comfortable having this virus, but I did go on antidepressants and went to therapy. I found this helps a lot. Therapy especially. There were a whole bunch of things I discovered about myself through therapy that I always just swept under the rug. Herpes forced me to admit and confront them and figure out how to deal with them. I would strongly suggest you do that....it really helps you heal. I ended up taking time off work....been off a moth now. It will pass, the feeling of dread and depression, it just takes time. I am still sad about it, clinging to my past sex life that had such freedom....so I will never not have remorse about that, but I am able to function day to day now (took about a month) and I am nowhere near to the multi-tasking monster I was before, but maybe that's a good thing! :) Good luck to you!

I had discharge changes in the first 2 outbreaks I had. The discharge was clear and yellow. Weird! Now I don't get changes in discharge at all.

OMG, I love Herry the Herp's long talk with his body organs....it's a must read.

They are hard to find :( I wish us both luck! Dancer, you are an amazing woman....good karma is headed your way!

Thx everyone. Reading your posts helps. I am a better person emotionally already, I can feel it...have done a lot of soul searching over the past few months and realized all the things I thought love was, well, it wasn't..it isn't. I am more prepared to love now, real love....so I am grateful for that. But with my physical symptoms reminding me everyday that it's going to take a really strong and self aware man to support me and love me. Hoping I will find him or he will find me.

THanks Dancer and Herry, but really nothing anyone can say right now makes me feel better. But good ol college try! I am mad because I knew all along what was going on with my body, and no doctor would listen to me. I felt helpless, and it likely wouldn't have got so bad if they would have listened to me when I had it during the first 2 months when it was just genital and oral. No one would give me anti virals. And when they did, it just wasn't enough I guess. I have spread my legs to so many male doctors in the past 6 months, I could probably walk into the grocery store tomorrow naked and not even be embarrassed! And I've looked at my vagina so many times with a mirror, I could probably draw it for you from memory, blindfolded!!!! So I will say, I am not going to miss the constant appointments, or the constant checking with a mirror.... I've gone longer than 6 months without sex before, but somehow, knowing I can't have it right now makes me want it more and makes the waiting for this to settle down soooo difficult. This is torture, and I know 6 months is just a blip Dancer, but goodness, will I ever be the same again?

LET'S JUST WRAP ME UP IN PLASTIC!!!

So, I am warning you ahead of time. This is going to be absolutely pathetic. I am not going to edit my comments or hold back because honestly, I am so done with worrying what other people will say or think and you don't know who I am, I don't have to face you tomorrow at work, or at the grocery store, or at the bank.....so here goes... Blood test confirmed over the phone today HSV1 positive (don't know score yet), waiting for official letter to be mailed. So here is the deal....have no idea who gave me HSV1 genital, but I am assuming its from oral sex...what else! I have had 5.5 months of genital pain, burning, pins and needles down legs, but no sores I could see on the outside. Maybe there is some inside, but none of the doctors can seem to find them. Guess what? I saw 6 doctors over 5.5 months for various swabs and describing symptoms....no, it can't be herpes, no sores! OH YEAH! YOU CAN KISS MY A$$! Oh, and blood test negative at 10 weeks, well the majority of people have antibodies by 10 weeks....OH YEAH! YOU CAN KISS MY A$$! You are crazy, you don't have herpes, you are just a paranoid, fragile, emotional female, take an antidepressant and have some chocolate.....go continue with your normal sex life and shag whoever you please! OH YEAH! YOU CAN KISS MY A$$! Oh and by the way, I have disseminated herpes, hands, legs, face, breasts! No, you can't, your immune system isn't compromised...you're a healthy female....only people with aids, or cancer get this! OH YEAH! YOU CAN KISS MY_______ (fill in blank). So, as you can imagine, I am finally relieved that I have a definitive diagnosis. But I am mad as hell at the system. Not mad at my giver, not his fault, not my fault, it just happened. I ended up on the side of bad luck. So how do I continue a normal sex life with disseminated herpes?!?!?!?!? How do I disclose that? Oh honey, I know we haven't known eachother for long but I have to tell you I have herpes. Oh no worries, we'll just use condoms. Well, you see, condoms don't protect you with herpes, and guess what? So vaginal sex still has its risks. Oh and I have constant burning in my anus, so guess what...no anal sex either. Oh yeah, I have herpes on my hands, so no hand job for you unless I wear a latex glove....and I have herpes on my face, so don't even try to kiss me on the cheek.....oh yeah, and I get it on my breasts so I could pass it to you if you kiss or touch them! And I also have it orally, so no blow job for you! Is this how a disclosure would go? Honestly, I can't see anyone who would want to have sex with me. I am going to be old and alone and sexless! TOLD YOU IT WAS PATHETIC!

I hear you....I am just in a self pity mood....tired....I'll buck up!

So if its so old, and been around so long, why can't they come up with a damn cure already!

So happy for you!

I am on my 6th month! Happy New Year gift! I did a blood test a week ago...it will take another week to get it back. If it comes back positive, I am ok, did one for shingles titer as well (chicken pox). If it comes back negative I will do the Western blot. Since I have had such a hard time getting this thing under control, I worry I don't have enough antibodies built up for the blood test to detect....and still be negative even though I have the virus....is this at all possible?

I understand your position dancer, but honestly, I have never taken any form of medication beyond tylenol for menstral cramps and I barely take that. I stick it out wiht pain I've had 3 kids vaginally (natural), breast fed them all....definitely not pain free. I am not impatient or wanting a quick fix. I want to get herpes like everyone else. I don't think that's too much to ask. I am being empowered but no doc will listen to me without a positive test and so far nothing! So forgive me for the self pity, I know it isn't attractive or helpful but its how I am feeling. I think the hardest part of all this, I can take the pain, I can take the itching, I can take being woken up in the middle of the night with prodomes, I am totally fine with all of that.....it is the fact that it is contagious plus all of that that is difficult to deal with. I know the facts, I am educated about them, transmission etc...but if the symptoms never stop then what? So, yes, I am going to therapy, in a better place emotionally, doing the right things and no change, so hard to have patience when you are doing all you can and not seeing any results, I am a trooper, I really am, been through lots, and likely will be through lots more, but I am growing tired. Appreciate all your advice...just tired.

Thank you so much Deceived and Dealing. It's so funny how a complete stranger somewhere out there in cyberspace can help! I am so trying...really I am. With everything I have. I want to drink the kool-aid....it just seems like such a long road and I am scared. Thank you!

I must tell you....I feel like a total freak.....so many people on here are saying they have one outbreak a year, maybe two, or they feel a tingle and Valtrex takes it away. It's been almost 6 months and I am trying to not be upset about it, but I haven't felt normal down there for 1 flippin day! And because I can't get a positive result, not getting hte proper treatment yet...maybe I should try the other antiviral flamivir? Anyway, I think I would be ok with having herpes, if I actually had an outbreak, it went away, and then came back a few times a year. I have no compromised immune system that I know of. So wtf! I hate to say it but why me?! I know that's so unattractive and horrible to say, but come on! Herpes has been far more than just a skin condition for me...it's been totally disruptive to my everyday life. And I just want these outbreaks to stop!

Good luck! I am waiting for results as well....negative at 10 weeks, now its 5.5 months post exposure...hoping its positive so I can move on already and I can get the proper treatment. In your case, of course, I hope its negative! Keep us posted! :)

I went off for 3 weeks, burning started again in vaginal and anal area. So I think you are right, its just reducing severity of outbreaks and not totally controlling them. UGH! I am taking vitamins, lysine, getting life in order, etc. I hope it settles down sooner than later....I just want to feel normal again physically. Thanks Dancer

Does anyone find that Valtrex doesn't really help keep outbreaks at bay?

I have typical prodome, pain and pins in needles down leg and vaginal burning, but sores never appear on outside. I remember masterbating once with my partner and feeling like a boil thing on the inside that didn't hurt at all, pencil eraser size. I would have never known it was there unless I felt it with my finger. Weird! Wasn't able to go to doctor at time. Now I am terrified to go feeling around in there and how will the doctors see it if they have to put that speculum thingy inside? Doesn't it cover some of the spot they need to see?

I get the ankle, wanna hear about the shoulder!

Thank u for your responses. any issues with sores in your vagina. LMAO!

Has anyone on here experienced disseminated herpes? If so, I would like to hear about how you got diagnosed, what your treatment was and if you are experiencing any issues after primary? Also, I don't have any sores on the outside of my privates (labia), could it be inside and I just don't feel it or know it? Does anyone get sores inside the vagina, how do you know?

OK, so I get pimples and not blisters genitally (GHSV1), so my question is, can the doctor swab a pimple? How would he do that? Would that be an effective test to test for herpes? Is it not easier to have fluid filled sores?

How did you get so wise? And when will I get there? LOL

THanks Dancer. Sorry, I am dense, just to clarify, then if my skin smells like the medication (my nether regions) and so does my urine and excrement (sorry TMI, I know), can I assume then that the medication is not activating in my body because herpes isn't present and these OB can be something else? Maybe related to stress or whatever? And this is my body's way of getting rid of the meds because my body isn't using it? Or is it normal to assume taking the medication (whether H is active or not) would cause my skin to smell, etc..... I am definitely resting (took time off work), diet is ok, but avoiding chocolate and nuts, taking lysene now, stress, well, of course, that's another story. Trying to reduce that, doing better, but ugh, its frustrating. Hard to not be emotional and stressed when you are dealing with H, but everyday gets better. Hard because its like the chicken adn the egg thing, stress brings outbreaks and then outbreaks brings stress. Ah!!!! Thank you again for your response.