whitedaisies

Ok to be more specific, it's been 7 months for me.....cried constantly for 4, therapy for now 3...first 2 months of therapy were about herpes only and i probably went thru a box of kleenex every session. This last month has been more self exploration....u will get there but u have to let urself...physical pain sucks i hear u. i have it everywhere and I am hoping that right now I just focus on working on me and maybe eventually the pain and outbreaks will stop.....and maybe a new drug will help and my body will respond better to the drug, and maybe there will be a cure...but in the meantime, I am exploring, finding out stuff about me. Let yourself find out stuff about you. You seem like you are very good with facts, research, black and white things....I was too, but herpes is not black and white and maybe that's why you are having an issue....that's what my issue was and still is....I hate all the grey zone of herpes....it's ridiculous how it manifests differently in so many people and how testing methods are just tragic. But maybe this is a lesson to embrace the grey, the ambiguous and learn to live and cope with it. It is a sucky lesson but that's what it taught me. So anyway, at risk of sounding like a total idiot.....take a deep breath adn allow yourself to go on your journey. I was suicidal, couldn't get out of bed, and now I am functioning quite well...it took 7 months for me, you are only in your third, give yourself time.

Ok....I totally get where u r coming from. Herpes affected my body horribly....I have constant outbreaks , pain everywhere. I totally feel for you. First, u should be on short term disability not on u paid leave. I don't know where u r from but if u r in that much pain and r depressed u should not be on unpaid leave u should qualify for some sort of assistance. Next, do not give up on therapy....be patient....it will all click. Listen I could go into my whole sob story...trust me, it's a doosey, I hear u about self pity and feeling like one of the lucky ones that gets impacted by this virus so horribly, u feel like a freak!!!! All I can say is use this opportunity thru therapy to find stuff out about u. Who u r other than herpes. I learned so muh about mysel thru therapy. I found out I am a little sexual vixen...had no idea bc I was letting my past dictate who I was....I found out that I want to marry an older man who is experienced and has a zest for life as I have been dead inside for so long I want to have an adventurous partner, I found ok am a great writer, be side of h I started writing an autobiographical book. I would never have done that without h. So enuff about me. What I am trying to tell u is take this opportunity to explore yourself and who u are. Then when he symptoms lessen, the drugs work, the cures come....u will be ready to take on the world!!!! Don't give up!!!! I love how u researched about cures and ur post on that....u seem very smart. Also I love ur name. Thisismenow. Wow! So poignant. So appropriate. Embrace the thisismenow. You will be better for it. I promise!!! Listen I have vaginal pain everyday and nerve pain all over my body. I could have h plus shingles. I don't know. Just telling u I am where u r. I left work on leave. Paid. Have no idea when I am going back. Cried like a baby everyday for a month at work to the point strangers were coming up to me asking what's wrong. It was humiliating. I am an overachiever so for me to leave work is huge!!!!!! So now u r off work and in pain and depressed. See a psychiatrist. Meds helped me cope. See a therapist. Trust me I will help u deal. Get Meds for the pain so u can function, Try to make peace with the thisismenow....ur aches, ur pains but also all the knowledge and emotion u acquired along he way. It makes u a richer person and when u r ready, someone will find that so attractive about u. Feel free to message me. Cheers and lots of hugs

Ah, I am going to chicken out, I think. I waffle back and forth, disclosing/not.....I was the "perfect package" before H (my old BF told me), and now I just feel less than that. What guy is going to want to be with me after they find out I am not so perfect...especially in this way! I wish I was brave like so many of you on this forum, but it just seems like they are so much younger and maybe its easier to disclose....I dunno, but I am in my 40s and I just feel like a walking virus sometimes, especially because I have it in different places. I am petrified to have sex, but I would if I really trusted and cared for the guy, the problem is, you have to disclose to get to that part and I just don't think I can....and since antivirals aren't helping these constant outbreaks, the chances of someone getting it are pretty high.... I know it;s strange, but I envy those who get outbreaks, then have periods of nothing and then outbreaks again. I wish I could get herpes like that....but this is what I got...emotionally I am so much better than I was, but physically I am worse, so why can't I be emotionally and physically good at the same time!?!?!?!?!? So sorry, anyone has to read this dribble. I am on this forum giving objective advice to everyone else (good advice I think...lol.... :) )but I can't take my own...I know I am worthy to love and to have someone love me, I just can't get to the point of actually telling someone out loud of what I have and I can't imagine them wanting to risk their health for me. And I know, you can get hit by a car, die in an airplane crash, but those things you have no foresight about, no knowledge of plane malfunction or drunk drivers when you get in the car, with herpes, you have knowledge that the risk exists, its there everyday staring you in the face, it's like getting in the car everyday and expecting an accident. Blah, blah, blah....thank goodness therapy is tomorrow. Had another bad outbreak today so I'm not my positive self...ugh.

Make sure he sees a doctor and tell the doc your bf's symptoms; insist on swab and blood if there is something to swab. That's all you can do...I know it's hard but your boyfriend obviously cares about you as you disclosed H to him and he was willing to risk it because you are worth it. So yes, it isn't the best that he could have got it from you, but you can't be celibate your whole life just so you don't transmit to anyone....so you have to come to terms wiht this potential. I am not saying its easy....I haven't got there yet, but at least you have a bf that can see past your virus and see the real you! Be happy! Wait for the doctor's appointment, as it could be nothing too! Cheers! Good luck!

Hello fellow Canuck! I filled a perscription a week ago and didn't notice any price hike. I go back in another week to re-fill another, I will let you know.

Don't overreact. I know it's hard, but a doctor is exactly where you want to be at now....make sure you go wiht a list of questions so you don't get flustered and forget...I like to write mine down before hand. If it is H, you already are ahead of a lot of us here, you have the tools already to deal with a diagnosis, to overcome something, you will be fine....whatever it is. Listen to your doctor and insist on testing swab and/or blood. Good luck.

I will suggest something that is plain simple.....therapy. If you have other issues like OCD and your life is pretty stressful, therapy will help for H plus all the other things you have going on. Honestly, I wasn't a believer in therapy prior to my contraction of this virus, but I was in emotional turmoil as well when I got this as are lots of people. Depression set in and I just didn't want to live my life like that. I have constant outbreaks as well and Valtrex doesn't really help me, naturalpath says try a gluten, dairy free, red meat free, diet for a body cleanse....ugh...postponing starting that as you can imagine its no fun! Anyway, I can say that after 2 months of therapy of which I spoke about herpes for the first month non-stop, I have now started focusing on other things, like other areas of my life that need addressing....and I never forget I have herpes as the constant symptoms are a reminder, but I am managing to start living again.....and I would highly recommend therapy to anyone coming to terms wiht their diagnosis. Good luck

Thanks. Sorry to be a pain but the colour of the lesions when they show up are clear or white or yellow and then do they always burst?

Ah willow. I am so sorry u r frustrated. U r in a financial predicament for sure. Is it possible for ur bf to help u? Ur parents? Could u ask the pharmacy what they recommend? Sometimes thy have good ideas?

Can u please tell me what the lesions in ur throat looked like? Please be detaile on location, shape, colour, any prodomes? I am a Canadian as well and I can't begin to tell u the hell I have gone thru. I don't want to bash canada....I luv this country, but sooo many things in my diagnosis were botched and it was a tragedy on how I was diagnosed. I feel for ur one in a million emotion as I get constant outbreaks with ghsv1 which is suppose. To be unheard of....not! And it shows up a different place everytime I look. So a cure would be awesome for people who don't fall in the norm of this virus (and everyone else too) but it is so much harder to deal with when you feel like a freak on top with having the virus. Good luck

Well, I am thinking of disclosing to this man I like and met; he is in his early 60s so I would hope that he would be more mature about the whole situation. I am not going to see him til next week-end, but I wanted to clarify what touching is appropriate and least risky besides vaginal or anal sex? So, if we lie naked in bed together and cuddle without any genital rubbing? I am taking antivirals, get no visible sores, but do have pain in the vaginal area on and off. Is that risky? Could he get it if we just cuddle? Could we shower together? I am assuming oral sex is ok and me touching him. I want to progress the relationship physically without going all the way....I am not ready yet. Of course, it's up to him and up for him to decide if he still wants it to progress, but in case he says he's ready and ok with it, I want to be prepared. Any advice would be appreciated.

Good luck

Thank u for ur post thisismenow. For some this virus is benign and for others they get constant outbreaks and pain and it is affecting more than one part of the body....makes it difficult not to have hope when body is shutting down. But I see where dancer is coming from...hope can't prevent u from living. Because u could be standing still waiting forever. There needs to be a delicate balance. It's tricky.

Wondering.....my opinion, you should disclose and he decides whether he takes the risk or not. My opinion, your post sounds like you would be afraid to disclose to anyone, just a gut feel, and there's nothing wrong with that....it's hard. He may surprise you and is it worth the risk? I don't know...only you know and only you will find out if you tell instead of just what iffing yourself to death. You are in a hard situation no doubt because a lot of us here know our diagnosis so you could be outting yourself for no reason or could be disclosing for a reason. I see why you are struggling. Hopefully more people come on here and provide advice. Wish you well, whatever you decide.

Can u clone him please!!!!!

Wow! I am actually crying reading your story. I hope I get to where you are one day. I am having a hard time even getting out there dating. I am so happy for you! Congratulations!

Hold onto this man!!! I know it's hard, you are angry, but it's no one's fault....it just happens sometimes and this virus lives in so many people, we can't expect to never come across it. It sucks! Trust me! I got it that way too, from oral! I think I would have felt less conflicted if I got it the old fashioned way, I had earned it!!! I feel this way, I didn't earn my herpes, weird! Anyway, you will be ok. I was the same like you. My outbreak was horrific and it does get better. Let him be strong for you, so many of us are dealing with this virus alone; you are blessed that he is there with you being so supported. Dancer is right, save your venting for this site, we all know what you are feeling....you don't want to get H and ruin a perfectly loving relationship. Be mad, cry, grieve, but also be thankful, because herpes just might have shown you what a wonderful man you are about to marry.

I give up! It's official!

Well, let me clarify a few things for you and then usually our more experienced members chimes in. I have kids as well, so I totally understand your fear. If you have genital herpes only, and not oral herpes, that means you are only shedding from the boxer short region of your body....nowhere else. You will be shedding during prodome or outbreaks and also during asymptomatic shedding. There are some great tools on here so browse this site. You cannot get it from holding hands with your kids or kissing them. Personally, I know I am overcautious, but I use one bathroom to shower and use the toilet and sinks and no one else can use them. This is extreme though as I know Dancer has children and they shared lots and none of them got anything. I am doing it so as not to fuel more anxiety, dealing with H is enough for me right now. Skin to skin contact means the area of your boxer short region there needs to be lots of rubbing there and you don't do that wiht your children so I would not worry at all. Good luck and don't worry, your children are safe. Take reasonable precautions especially when you have an outbreak and you will all be fine.

Swab negative....SURPRISE! It is still there in my mouth. I give up! I am so frustrated from doctor's tryiing to get them to swab and then when I do they don't swab properly. Went on my date, the guy leaned in to kiss me and I had to pull away because I was so worried to pass him anything. I told him I was sick; but I soooo wanted to kiss him and I am just so damn frustrated. He said, that's ok, I don't mind getting sick and I thought to myself, "oh yeah, you'll mind if it is hsv1". So now I have all this responsibility with this virus on top of having to deal with it emotionally and physically. Some days I am doing great and others I am falling apart. I just want the sweet, innocent, warm touch of someone like first date stuff....I can't even get that and it just makes me so lonely. Anyway, I am pathetic and I hate writing this crap but I am embarassed if I give someone HSV1 on their mouth. But what do I never kiss again? It's bad enough I am holding off on any genital touching or sex!!!

I am having issues as well..been my first 6 months with ghsv1 with one outbreak after the next. Anyway, I have opted to go to the natural path; I would sincerely recommend this as an option to help you. Sometimes meds aren't always the answer and they can still be used in combination with other things. I wish you well.

Glad we found each other....lol....please feel free to personal message me to let me know what works for you; I am desperate to try anything.

Maybe dancer could chime in here. But I would say to get to your doctor toget him to give you repeats and for him/her to explain to you the dosage instructions and duration. My opinion is I would get more Meds as they r continuing to pop up Good luck

Thank you so much This is Me Now. I know we should not stop our lives for this virus and I agree for those of you who display genital and oral herpes typically. For me, with disseminated herpes, a cure is a very real hope that I cling to. I have had non-stop symptoms for 6 months even with antivirals with no end in sight. A cure or a new drug for me would change the way I live my life. With the greater understanding of myself that herpes gave me; I need the physical health to act upon this wisdom. I cannot give up hope. My fate cannot be this.

Went to the natural path. Took the whole hour just to tell her my story and symptoms and trust me my story may be in a movie someday. I am writing my book now and honestly No a list screenplay writer in Hollywood could come up with this stuff. Anyway I digress..... Going back next week and she will put me on some natural antivirals. I really hope it works. I feel like a walking virus. I have pains everywhere. I am sick and have my period now to boot so u can imagine what I feel like. Oh I am watching 5 kids at home today and have no voice. Lol. Anyway. All the best to u.