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I am by no means a veteran but I might be able to give you a little bit of insight. I had my first out break 2 months ago in early December, 15 years into a monogamous relationship. You can imagine my shock! 1) I don't know. So far I have chosen to do nothing. I'm not taking antivirals either. I figure since most people have mild symptoms I'm just going to roll with it and see what happens. 2) Same as above. I have chosen not to change my diet. I like to drink coffee, wine, beer, and eat chocolate, I intend to keep it up. Again, I'm going to roll with this and see how my body handles it. If I need to make adjustments I will but for now it's life as usual. 3) I haven't had a second out break yet so it's hard to say what my game plan is. My primary out break was way more difficult psychologically than physically and since they say the first one is the worst I figure any future ones shouldn't be too big of a deal. 4) I don't know that I would say I'm an "avid" runner but I do have one full marathon and many halfs under my belt. I try to do one or two halfs a year. Again I've only had this since December and I was taking a couch break from running during that time (I can only motivate myself to run when I have a pending race scheduled) but I started training again in mid January and so far so good. I also like to mountain bike so I'm a little more worried about what that means should I want to ride during an out break. Sometimes biking gives me yeast infections so I figure it's probably the same type of situation.

Perhaps you're still experiencing a yeast infection. The pills never work for me and I'm allergic to the miconazole cream, which is quite common. All over itchy bumps sounds more like yeast than herpes. Try 3 to 6 days of clotrimazole and see if that does the trick.

Have you seen your and your boyfriend's lab results? If you have not had sex with anyone other than him and you have not had oral sex with anyone other than him then the following situations come to mind... 1) You don't have HSV and had a false positive 2) you do have HSV and got it from your boyfriend who is testing a false negative 3) your boyfriend is being dishonest about his lab results Do you know your numbers? Lower numbers around 3 should be confirmed. You could look into a western blot test. That assay is suppose to be more accurate than any other HSV tests available.

I have been with the same person for 15 years so when I noticed symptoms I ignored them and assumed the sore was caused by my husband's whiskers. When I checked on the healing of the spot a few days later I noticed blisters next to the initial sore and was utterly shocked! I had no idea most herpes cases are asymptomatic so I worried I caught it from a toilet seat or that my husband cheated. We have a solid relationship and I've never worried about infidelity before but given the circumstances I had to ask. He of course did not cheat. So we started researching herpes and it turns out many couples have been in our situation. I got my IgG tested, which was negative. So the assumption is that my husband is an asymptomatic carrier of HSV 1 or 2 and it took 15 years for me to get it. We've had lots of oral and vaginal sex and have never once used a condom in our entire relationship. Neither one of us have much of a sexual history, I've been with two people total, him a handful more. While all this was happening he remembered once having a sore inside his mouth as a kid but never again, so maybe that was a cold sore, who knows. We haven't pursued further testing because neither of us really care. Maybe at my next annual I'll ask for another IgG test. Honestly the only impact herpes has had on our relationship is that it's brought us closer together.

It can feel so scary at first. The more you learn about it the more you'll realize it's really not a big deal. Watch Ella Dawson's Ted Talk or read her article "Why I Like Telling People I Have Herpes." I know how scary it can feel. I was devastated but I can honestly say that I don't really care anymore. I am only two months in and am anticipating a second outbreak but I know subsequent outbreaks will never be as hard (psychologically or physically) as my primary one. From perusing this site it would appear most people don't care much about HSV when someone discloses.

This is a good thread. I've been with two people my entire life. The second being my husband. We've been together for 15 years. Herpes was not even on my radar. With 15 years of monogamy and neither of us ever having any symptoms (ZERO) who thinks herpes could pop up. Well it did. My IgG came back negative so the assumption is that my husband is an asymptomatic carrier. I can say that although I'm not thrilled to have HSV the only affect this has had on our relationship has been a positive one. For the most part though, it's hardly even a blip in our relationship.

@Username The cross reactivity issue applies to the IgM test, not the IgG test. Good to know. I read somewhere that there was but I must have been misinformed. Thanks!

Another thought... The majority of people have HSV1. Something like 70% or more. So if you are indeed positive for HSV1 that's very typical. A high IgG value for HSV1 can often cause a false positive for HSV2. There is some cross reactivity. So getting the values would give you some information. If your HSV1 is high and HSV2 is in that equivocal range there's a good chance it's a false positive.

Sorry you are going through this. What you are dealing with now is exactly why doctors are hesitant to taste in the absence of symptoms. They know it is medically insignificant but socially difficult. On that same token, if everyone tested regardless of symptoms the general population would come to realize how prevalent HSV is and that would do wonders for the stigma. I've been with my husband for 15 years. We've had lots of wonderful oral and vaginal sex. Neither of us have ever had any symptoms of HSV orally or genitally and out of nowhere I get an out break. I tested IgG negative so the assumption is my hubs is an asymptomatic carrier, something I didn't even know was possible. Has your future partner been tested for HSV? It's possible he went to get an STD panel but was never tested for it. So what to do? I don't know the right answer, or if there even is one. I'm not experienced with this enough to offer that. If it were me, I'd tell my future partner. If he has a problem with it the next one probably won't. And on the bright side, you don't have to worry about catching HSV in the future. (:

I doubt this is herpes. However, since your last test you have had a new sexual partner (your fiance) so you're at risk for HSV exposure unless she's been tested and had waited at least 3 months since her last sexual encounter before testing. Also the girl you slept with who you thought was "clean" could still have been clean and had HSV. People with HSV are not dirty. I guess it's always possible they're dirty but that has nothing to do with HSV. (:

I don't know if I have HSV 1 or 2 but I've had it for two months now and have had lots of sex (oral and vaginal) without any problems. To be fair I haven't actually had a laboratory confirmed diagnosis, just a visual one, but there is only one thing that causes bilateral cluster of blisters in the genitals and it's called herpes. I'll get a lab test done at my next annual. As of right now I just don't care enough about this to spend my time at the doctor's for lab tests.

Also, I don't know whether I'm finding it depressing or hilarious that I'm sat in bed alone on Valentines day ordering myself a bulk supply of herpes meds LOL #whatismylife Lol! This cracks me up. I worked all day for Valentine's Day. I'm sure you'll have the chance for lots of romantic Valentine's Days in the future.

Make that barely a blip not barley a blip. Lol.

The only other place it could possibly spread to is your face (or maybe a finger: herpetic whitlow) . Since HSV2 isn't happy on the face, even if it spread there it would be extremely rare to exhibit recurring symptoms of oral HSV2. Plus, once you've had it for several months your body builds up antibodies and spreading it anywhere else becomes unlikely. Keep in mind that once it's in your genitals anywhere in the boxer short area is free game. So if your first outbreak is on your labia and the next is your butt cheek that doesn't mean it spread. As far as doing something other than antivirals, take care of yourself. Eat healthy and try to limit stress. As for lifestyle changes, again take care of yourself. Someone might be able to recommend dietary changes, but I don't have enough experience to add anything there. Yes! You can have sex again. Daily suppressive therapy, condoms, and avoiding sex during out breaks will decrease the chance of transmission to less than 1% (I could be wrong on that stat, maybe someone can confirm or correct that for me). Generally, no, it can't be passed without sexual contact. It requires skin to skin contact so you don't necessarily need a penis in a vagina to pass it. Hope this helps!

I worried about transmitting it to my kids too but then I realized it took 15 years for my husband to transmit it to me and we have lots of oral and vaginal sex. Your daughter isn't going to get it from you. You are not a different mother than you were a month ago. HSV is a skin condition, not some magical virus that takes your ability to be a good mother away. In fact this is one more lesson you can add to your arsenal so that one day you may be better equipped to help your own daughter navigate the murky waters of dating. You now know about HSV, that makes you more aware than most sexually active adults out there. Every single person who is sexually active is at risk of contracting HSV. The alternative is to avoid intimacy all together. I think just about everyone out there would agree the risk of contracting HSV is worth it. It sounds like the prospect of having HSV is hitting you hard. You could always find a sex positive counselor to help you through the weeds.

@carmensandiego, I don't think we'd all be herpes free if more people disclosed. My guess is that the bulk of people spreading HSV are those who simply don't know they have it. 80% of people with HSV have no noticeable symptoms, and since HSV is not included in a standard STD panel people just don't know their status. My guess is the small portion of us who know we have it are the least likely to spread it.

When I had my first out break in December one of the things I struggled with was feeling like I let my children down and like I couldn't be a good role model for them. Then one morning a few days after my diagnosis I woke up to getting puked on by my 6 year old. She needed me to care for her and herpes had zero impact on that. As days turned into weeks I realized that HSV is barley even a blip on my life. Enjoy your daughter!

Good luck! Keep me posted and let me know how it compares to your first out break. From everything I've read subsequent out breaks aren't as bad as the first. I don't know if I have 1 or 2 but 1 is suppose to recur less. I had my first out break mid December so I'm on month 2. If it's HSV2 I expect another out break within a month. If it's HSV1 not quit so soon. My first out break wasn't terrible, way more psychologically hard than physically, so I'm hoping future ones will be easy to deal with. I have a refill for antivirals in case I need them in the future but I think I'm just going to ride it out if an out break occurs and see how my body handles it on its own.

You're in good company, I've been told that over 50% of single women in your age group gave HSV2.

Funny how life works sometimes. Herpes is a non issue for us too. It's brought us closer together. We've always had a good relationship but going through something that requires a lot of outward trust and compassion has definitely reaffirmed those traits between us. At the end of the day herpes is such a miniscule price to pay to be with my stellar husband.

Your post cracks me up. I have no idea if what you are experiencing is herpes related or not but it's possible since your herpes diagnosis your genitals are always on your mind and therefore you notice every tiny itch, bump, tickle, etc. I know I've looked at my vulva more in the last two months than I have in my entire life. Every little twinge or itch I'm taking a peek to see if I'm getting a second out break. It's been two months since my initial symptoms and I'm constantly wondering if/when another out break will occur and what it will look like.

Most people with HSV don't experience any noticeable symptoms. So it is entirely reasonable the partner that gave this to you has no idea they have it. Maybe you could explain to them how HSV works and encourage them to get a test. Even so they may decline testing and choose to live in denial. At which point you've done your part and can walk away knowing you did the right thing. Now that you know you can be a responsible sexual partner to any future lovers.

I'm in the same boat. So far nothing has been confirmed but I had a visual diagnosis and a negative IgG. So the assumption is that my husband is an asymptomatic carrier.

I SO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I want to jump through the computer screen and have lunch with you to commiserate. Please say you live in Utah! I'll take you out. One day last December after 15 years into my monogamous relationship I noticed a canker sore type spot on my labia. I assumed it was from my husband's whiskers and went about my business. At one point I checked the spot again and noticed a cluster of tiny blisters nearby. I knew I didn't cheat nor did my husband. So I didn't worry about it. But then another crop popped up and all the googling in the world couldn't provide me with any possibility other than herpes. I nor my husband have ever had any signs of HSV. Not even cold sores. However, my husband remembered a time when he was a little kid and had a sore in his mouth. Maybe that was a cold sore. Who knows. Anyway, I freaked out. I cried. I thought I failed my children (we have 2). I couldn't eat or sleep. I was terrified of spreading it to my kids. I worried about what if my husband dies and I have to enter the dating pool. I felt that it was unfair that he gets to be asymptomatic and I have outbreaks. What if I get cancer and have to deal with constant outbreaks. Or what happens when I'm old and in a retirement home. I wondered how could I be a role model for my kids when I'm walking around with herpes. All that garbage is the stigma talking. Hang out on this site long enough and HSV won't be so ominous to you. I promise. It's only been a couple months and although there are still a lot of "what ifs" I can honestly say I don't care that I have herpes. I actually prefer it to be on my genitals so that outbreaks aren't viewed by everyone. This has had no impact on our sex life. So far it has changed nothing! I am angry too, but I'm angry at our crappy sex education. This should not have been so devastating or shocking to either of us because, I know you don't want to hear it, but, it's just not a big deal. It's such an innocuous virus that the majority of people who have it don't even know. And that's a lot of people considering 90% of the population has HSV 1 or 2. When I went to my doctor I was telling her how utterly dumbfounded I was. She said she sees this a lot in long term monogamous relationships and can't believe how many people had no idea herpes could work that way. Your husband and your doctor are not down playing this. It really isn't a big deal. I now tell my husband there is no one I'd rather get herpes from and it's true. It's a small price to pay for all the awesome sex we've had!

Slipping a condom off without your knowledge and consent is a sexual assault. You are lucky he is out of your life. You are so much better than how he treated you. Find someone who respects your choices and your body. Herpes will not prevent that from happening.