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Online dating with herpes?


Emmy19

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So have any of you used online dating after a diagnosis. I’m asking in the veteran forum figuring you have the most experiences to share. I don’t want to use a sti site, feels unnecessary but want to ask if anyone has used regular online dating sites with success. It’s hard enough without the complications of STI. 

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The irony you’ll find is that having herpes doesn’t tend to hurt your chances of finding love (unless you believe it will, but that’s another conversation); it actually makes you more sensitive to see who is ready for a deeper relationship and filter out the rest. Important piece of advice: Raise your standards; don’t lower them. 😉 

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Thank you for this. I’m a very optimistic person and understand my value. This was just such a huge blow. I was in the process of rehabilitation after my divorce and dating. Then this happens and it feels like another hurdle. I just don’t want to give up on love. 

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I met my boyfriend after receiving my diagnosis. Met him on a regular online dating site. I took about 2 days to feel sorry for myself and then realized that I am the same person I was before the blood test, I am still worthy of love, and that the right man would not be afraid of it and would accept me for me.

And exactly as mr_hopp said, I RAISED my standards - and refused to accept anything less than that. And I found a man who exceeded my already high standards. He is amazing, loves me for who I am, and when I disclosed to him, he was not even a little bit put off by it. We have been together for nearly a year now. We are very happy, he is still HSV-negative (and we made the decision together, months ago, to stop using condoms since I cannot get pregnant - he is aware of the potential risk of transmission and is willing to take it), and if things keep going the way they are, I do believe we will be married sooner than later.

I also agree that having HSV makes you really consider who you date. When I was online, one of the things I had to consider when talking to some of the men who contacted me was whether I would feel comfortable disclosing to them and what I felt their reactions would be if I did. It made me a lot pickier (see above about standards) and I didn't even waste my time going on dates with someone who I did not feel I would be comfortable disclosing.

That all said, when it came time to disclose to my boyfriend, I knew leading up to that date that I was going to do it, and I was scared! I was having dreams about it, playing through different scenarios in my head and when I disclosed, it was so easy...and HE made it easy for me. As soon as that was done and out of the way, everything became easier.

Love is out there! HSV is not a deterrent to the right person. 

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Thank you so much for telling me your story. I go back and forth. One second I’m like this is ridiculous you are still amazing and the other I feel like I will be rejected 100 times. I know it’s in my head and maybe I just need to get out there. I’m so happy for you and think it’s amazing that your boyfriend made it easier. I have the same question as above. When did you tell him? 

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17 minutes ago, Emmy19 said:

Thank you so much for telling me your story. I go back and forth. One second I’m like this is ridiculous you are still amazing and the other I feel like I will be rejected 100 times. I know it’s in my head and maybe I just need to get out there. I’m so happy for you and think it’s amazing that your boyfriend made it easier. I have the same question as above. When did you tell him? 

 

4 hours ago, Fmals said:

How long did you wait to disclose?

I actually disclosed on our first date. We had met a couple weeks prior and spent hours upon hours on the phone. The thing that made me nervous to disclose initially was that during our first (hours long!) phone call, he made a point to tell me that he was free of all STDs...I didn't say anything in return because I didn't know what to say. I just kept talking to him to see if I felt he was going to be receptive. I am so happy I didn't run scared and that he didn't either after I disclosed.

When I first found out a few months before joining the dating app and meeting my boyfriend, I had been out on one date with someone else and in my shock of finding out (via blood test, I had no symptoms...just a doctor that ran HSV as part of an STD panel that I had requested when I decided to start dating), I told him. He rejected me. And I am so happy he did! Because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend that I have now! And the other guy quickly came around and decided that he was okay with it and wanted to be with me...too late! 

 

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Ah I just did my first disclosure and it was a rejection unfortunately...I did disclose after our first date Bc the connection was so strong. I don’t typically really like or get excited about many dates...but I was OVER THE MOON for this one. He was kind when I told him and said he needed time to strongly think about it but its been over two weeks and we no longer talk. It hurts deeply. 

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  • 3 months later...

I need the strength to disclose. I have met this really nice guy online. We have been talking for 2 and half months. The only thing that keeping us for going on a date is COVID19. I ‘m not strong and  I feel like I will fall apart it he reject me.

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  • 9 months later...

Hi there, I'm sharing links to two threads I posted in (hopefully I attached them right).  One details my disclosure history and results (and it shows the progression over the years of how I accepted myself and it got easier) and the other is about when some of us  choose to disclose. Maybe you will find something helpful.  Early on I tried H dating sites, I was not at all happy with the type of people and responses I got, it seemed like it was just men looking for a quick hook up with the expectations that didn't have to use condoms!! I never went on a single date off those sites because everyone was so direct and often crude from the first time they messaged me! I was terrified and felt shameful when I ventured into regular online but immediately noticed the better quality interactions.  I have had relationships come of both online and organically meeting.  I would recommend trying online with the intentions of just enjoying the dates for now (no pressure).  Get to feel comfortable in your skin and notice how awesome your dates think you are (because you are!) 

 

When to disclose?? - The herpes talk: disclosing - H Opp Forums (herpesopportunity.com)

 

 

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  • mr_hopp changed the title to Online dating with herpes?

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