Really Scared... :(

[JVHeavenly]

So. I'm a little down right now. I've been crying and freaking out because i just got told that i have been exposed to H. My doctor said that this may not cause breakouts but I think I've already had one. I really don't know what to do right now and I could use some support. I told my ex and he went to get tested and we're trying to help each other out but it's hard on both of us....Can anyone help me out??? I'm 19 and he's 21 and we're really confused and freaking out....we're trying not to blame each other but i don't know. We're both going through a lot...

 

I haven't told my mom because I know what she would think.

 

I just feel dirty and unwanted.

 

I saw this website and going through all of the stories and videos, it seems like you guys are amazing and I hope that one day I can be like that. You guys are so strong and right now i feel like the world's closing in on me. Like I'm going to be alone and unloved. Is this normal or am i being dumb?

 

 

[NSgreenville]

Cry, Freak out, get mad, ask questions. I went through it a year ago and it sucks because you don't know what to make of it. Its the unknown. But I promise you it gets better. You will become a stronger person, and more than likely a better person. There will be tough days but you'll make it through. This site helped me a lot my first few months and I'm back because I knew it would help now.

[mr_hopp]

Your reactions are perfectly normal, JVH. And I love that you're keeping an eye on not blaming each other through this process. Blame is just a sneaky way to try and offload pain and shame to someone else, but it just dumps more pain on both of you simultaneously. And know that these feelings will pass. It's all part of the healing process to allow yourself to grieve and feel whatever feelings you're feeling. Pay attention to the thoughts you're thinking and how you're treating yourself through it all. That's super important. Self-judgments are more painful than any herpes outbreak ever will be. For example, notice how even the self-judgment can creep in by calling yourself dumb at the last part of your post; it can be a sneaky thing and it doesn't help you heal. Accepting where you are and what you have brings you to a deeper and deeper level of self-acceptance and that translates to feeling at peace with yourself and your world. :)

[JVHeavenly]

Thanks NSgreenville and Adrial for the kind words. :) they mean a lot.

 

Well My ex got his results back and he said everything is negative. Is that possible? I heard that there can be false negative tests but I don't want to say anything to him about it. I mean, i'm glad that his results came back negative because I don't want him to have to go through this but we've been active together for a while on and off and in and out of other relationships.

 

Even though he did come back negative, he's still being very supportive of what i'm going through. He's been my rock lately. The person that I bounce all of my emotions off of. He's helping me see that this isn't the end of the world for me and that it's just a bump in the road.

 

I still worry about passing it to someone else though and that's keeping me from wanting to pursue any kind of relationship with anyone. That and the fear of how they would react when I tell them. I have had a couple of people turn against me and I've had people step up and help me out. It's still a struggle and I just hope that this fear will pass....

[misskellyrenee]

Telling your mom is up to you. Personally, I am not going to because it isn't any of her business. I am telling my friends because it is something I am going through right now and its nice to have support.

I think it's great your ex is being supportive. It's nice to continually hear that you ARENT dirty and unwanted because that just isn't true. Believe me, as I go back through the list of guys that I have slept with and disclose to them what is going on, all, save one or two, have been supportive and understanding- and actually appreciative that I contacted them.

I know how you feel about the disclosure part. I am still new to that. I just told my current guy since I Just had my first outbreak and he's getting tested.

I am not sure how disclosures will go when and if I have to have more of them.

I always do my best to arm myself with all the knowledge that I can and remain calm about it. If I don't make a big deal out of things, then they won't, hopefully.

[JVHeavenly]

I agree. I might tell her in the future but right now I just can't deal with her being judgmental. And I have had to experience of telling someone I had slept with that I found out I had herpes and he got really mad and sad some really awful things. It hurt but it let me see that I'm glad that didn't work out. He's the only other person that could have given it to me and he refuses to go get tested because "He just knows doesn't have anything". And disclosure IS really hard but it's getting a little bit easier. It's all about how you look at it. I've found that if you have a negative outlook about it then that's how you portray it. But if you own up to it and put it out there that it's not the end of the world that I'm not gross and icky then the message will get across. Still, some people aren't equipped with the right knowledge or the right maturity level to handle this information that we're giving them. (Learned that the HARD way) It's just a new screening process. We're now able to see who is going to be good for us and who isn't. :) (sorry...just trying to be positive)