Interesting connection

[Orngpeelmafia]

So I've been dating the most amazing guy ever and I am at yet another life hurdle and made an interesting connection ::cue story time music::

 

So I reconnected with a friend of mine and we started spending all of our free time together and eventually ended up being more than just friends. Well that lead to disclosure time and I imagine all of you know the nerves that were coursing through me but this guy is special...someone we all think doesn't exist after we find out we have H...someone who could look past my skin condition and see me for who I am and wanted to be with me. We started dating and things have been blossoming into the best relationship I've ever been in. We've been going slow...friendship turned into something a little more, which turned into a relationship, which is slowly growing into a trusting loving relationship that I see lasting a long time. I'm falling in love with someone who's becoming my best friend!

 

Well since I've been H+ I made a vow to go slow. Life threw me a speed bump and I took that seriously and it's been paying off. I have been enjoying every moment with this man and everyday my heart fills more with this overwhelming sense of happiness...I think this is it guys...I think this is the love you find in books and songs...but I'm not trying to jump the gun here! I came here because well this forum is more than just talking about herpes...it's about rediscovering ourselves and I couldn't think of better people to talk to about this :)

 

I've been examining these feelings...I've been one to rush into saying the "L" word too soon and I don't want to do that with this guy. I want to wait until I'm so filled with emotion I HAVE to tell him...that feels right to me.

 

Here's where my connection came...we were joking around one night and I was laughing so hard and we just stopped and stared into each others eyes while letting a our laughter calm down and I almost blurted it out but I was scared and that held me back. Saying "I love you" to someone is just like disclosing...well not just like it, but still we find ourselves sitting across from someone with a secret that we don't want to hide. A secret that if we decide to let out will put us in a very vulnerable state and in a position to be rejected. It's scary sure but in the end the risk is worth it when it feels right. But we have to get to know a person first to know that our secret is safe to be shared. I've gotten to know this man and everyday I fall more for him and I know that when I tell him my heart's secret I can trust him not to hurt me.

 

Life had a really weird way of teaching us lessons doesn't it?

[WCSDancer2010]

First - what a beautiful story! I am loving hearing all these great success stories (for me, success is getting past "the talk" ... after that, it's a "normal" relationship with the normal ups/downs, and issues that may or may not work in the long run :)

 

I do get your connection... however, I wonder if you held back because of the fear of rejection ... it certainly seemed like that was the perfect time ... so the connection *I* see is the fear of rejection ... you have got used to the disclosure talk but the "L" word hasn't had as much practice, as it were...

 

I would bet he is just as scared to say the "L" word .. knowing you want to go slow... I could be wrong here, but I bet if it slipped out, he'd be a very happy man :)

 

Keep us posted! Those of us who are in the dating hamster wheel need to hear these great stories!!!!

 

Peace!

[Orngpeelmafia]

I think some of it has to do with expectations...we always expect when we say "I love you" to hear it back. The thing is I don't need to hear it back. I kind of already know how he feels...I see it in his eyes shining back at me when he smiles and I feel it in his embrace as I drift off to sleep at night. For me saying "I love you" isn't about what I'm going to get back it's what I'm giving to him.

 

This is what makes this relationship so special to me. For a long time I didn't love myself and used relationships and those three words as a means to find that love. It took getting herpes to set me down the path to finally accepting myself and loving myself.

 

I am a whole person and I found someone who I want to spend my time with because they are worthy of my time. I don't need him for validation of self...I want to share all the wonderful parts I like about myself with him...and I'm not ashamed to show him the parts of myself I may not fully be happy with. He accepts all of me...everything I have shown him he has just accepted with open arms and understanding and a want to know more and the same goes for me to him. Trust didn't need to be earned it's just been there from the start from the foundation we were building as friends. I'm doing things the way I always wanted to and just never seemed able to.

 

Maybe it's fear of slipping back into my old ways...when is too soon and when is just right? My past judgement has been off with timing haha...

 

And this is all still fairly new and maybe I just am holding onto old fears "one day he's going to wake up and realize he can do better" is what I think and then well be sitting on the couch and he'll look over and ask "so you're sure you're not bored of me" if he's not reading my mind then we have to be sharing the same brain some times I swear.

 

I'll keep you updated. Even if this ends one day I'll have some of the best moments in my life to date to take with me.

 

Guess it's time to take one more leap of faith...I think he'll be there to catch me :)

[WCSDancer2010]

"And this is all still fairly new and maybe I just am holding onto old fears "one day he's going to wake up and realize he can do better" is what I think and then well be sitting on the couch and he'll look over and ask "so you're sure you're not bored of me" if he's not reading my mind then we have to be sharing the same brain some times I swear."

 

I think you are BOTH "holding onto the old fears" ;)

 

The older we are and the more relationships we go through (especially when we are not finding HEALTHY relationships) the more fears we have to deal with....

 

I am sure you are right..... this one sounds like this one is a keeper. Time to let him know, eh? ;)

[mr_hopp]

This is so WONDERFUL, OPM. I love that realization on your part that it's really all about vulnerability and fear of rejection. Whether you're talking about herpes or love. It's all tied together. Herpes could be the story that we choose to believe that we don't deserve love and will never get it. Offering love and not having it returned is painful, too. But what so many of us forget is what's on the other side of NOT being rejected. When we let all the fears go and trust our heart and gut, we know that letting go into love when it feels right is the best possible feeling one can ever have. To be held in acceptance and awe by another human being and ourselves is absolute bliss.

 

And yes, I hear you saying you're worried that he'll "see the light" and realize there are better ones out there. Even though that seems to be a small voice as of now, do you see how powerful it is to realize that those thoughts aren't actually HIM? It sounds like you're realizing that already, but let me drive this point home, may I? :) These worrying thoughts of not being enough FEEL more true because you're imagining them. They are your own worst fears that are actually doing a sneaky thing: Keeping you safe from falling deeper and deeper in love. Our minds have a sly way of keeping us safe from potentially being hurt, but if we've been hurt in the past when love was involved, then our minds see falling in love as equalling hurt. Love and hurt get all tied up together as being perceived as the same thing by our unconscious mind. So it protects us from hurt AND love simultaneously. It's so powerful to start separating the two and letting your worrying mind be put to rest when it's not serving you. And it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing. :)

 

In summary: Work it, girl. Enjoy falling in love and giving yourself to a man who deserves your heart. I'm so proud. Smiling from ear to ear over here. :D

[WCSDancer2010]

"...................So it protects us from hurt AND love simultaneously. "

 

OUCH ... so true... I have to put that one in my own memory bank. I sorta knew it but putting it into one sentence really hits home ... Thanks Adrial!

[hope75]

Awww this is lovely. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you will keep us updated ! Its made me more confident that I will find this type of connection one day and that H may actually be the one thing that allows me to find that. because as you say

 

"its more than just talking about herpes...it's about rediscovering ourselves"

 

I am definitely starting to discover my self, and the support from people on here is helping me do that ! I think it may be the turning point in my life that I needed. Onwards and upward !

Thanks for sharing :-) :-)

[Orngpeelmafia]

Well it is a very odd situation...my baggage is pretty obvious hahaha herpes makes it hard to keep baggage tucked away and I've realized I'm not the kind of person to want to hide anything.

 

He has his own baggage and trust issues as well and I'm not going to go Into detail but I understand fully his need to go slow as well.

 

This is something neither of us expected or even wanted...but it happened and now here I am with all these feelings and just hesitant on proceeding. I know where things are going it's just being patient on getting there haha I've always taken short cuts and paid for it later...I don't want to cheat myself out of anything with him and I don't want to cheat him out of any moments either.

 

Because of things he's been through I don't want to push him too far too fast either...I want him to know no matter what I'm here...I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

[WCSDancer2010]

Patience isn't my strong suit so I hear ya.... you would have thought with having H my whole life I would have got the message by now.... :p

 

And if you don't have baggage, you haven't moved very far, ya know?

 

Can't wait to hear that you jumped :)

 

One of my alltime favorite quotes

 

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly