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Sex after herpes

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Hello all!


I discovered I had herpes about a month ago. I had a really bad first outbreak - really terrible open sores etc, swiftly followed by a yeast infection and I've been clear of both for about two weeks. My fella and I recently tried to have sex again and I was very sore. Everything looks healed and I'm in no discomfort throughout the day so what gives? I just want to get back to normal. My fella has been so supportive and so patient and I just wish we could get into our old routine.


This forum has been so helpful to me so far. I felt like a leper when I was first diagnosed but found this place and I've come to accept my condition. I'm taking better care of myself (and taking propolis - which isn't helping!) and I feel better aside from the soreness during sex. Do I just need to give myself more time? How long did it take you to finally heal?

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First, welcome.... glad you found us and that the forum is giving you some solace and support. It's easy to feel alone when you are first diagnosed....


There have been several conversations on here recently about exactly this... going to link to one below - I think there was another...maybe Adrial has it cataloged somewhere :)


Anyhow, short story (have to get to work in a minute so keeping this brief) is that your sex life WILL get back to normal over time. You may just need to go slow and allow your body to heal completely (beyond any obvious signs). One thing that H will do is give you the opportunity to learn other ways to be intimate with your partner...and that can be a REALLY good thing!




Sorry - got to run...but know we are here for you as you navigate your herpes journey..



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ShakiraShakira, glad you reached out! I sure hope you find the answers you need here! I'm very new here too, and I can't speak to the sex / sex pain after H issue you're having, because I actually haven't had sex since my first o/b symptoms . There's been too much other stuff around my dx and tests. So why on earth am I presuming to say anything here?!


You asked, "Do I just need to give myself more time?" I can only answer for myself, and I'm sure it's a very individual thing to evaluate time to heal...but I CAN tell you that I've had inner healing that has come to be paramount even to the physical H symptoms. For me, two weeks would not have been enough time to look at the peripheral issues shaping my sex life. Some of those issues for me involved my inability to set boundaries without feeling guilty.


I am REALLY thankful you posted a question asking specifically about this topic, because I'm hoping to not HAVE to face an even more prolonged time of abstinence! I'm just thankful that my H symptoms made me stop and take a close look in the mirror, to finally see the person in me not defined by my sexual activity (or lack thereof), and I am hopeful that whatever relationship may unfold in the future can be based on an even deeper intimacy than sex alone!


Best of luck to you, and thanks for asking this question!

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Hey ShakiraShakira! Welcome with a big H Opp community huuuuug!


Yes, give yourself time to heal. The more you try to push sex when your parts aren't ready, the more raw it will keep being. And great that your fella is so patient. :) And like WCS said, there's nothing holding you back from exploring sensuality and playing absolutely EVERYWHERE except for intercourse. That is absolutely hot. And it will make the buildup to actual intercourse that much juicier and exciting. Shift your perspective from this being a barrier to intimacy and into this being an opportunity to explore intimacy in other realms.


Watch this video I made about keeping sex sexy even when navigating herpes. It's really shifted my whole attitude around what sex, sexuality and sensuality can be:



The Frequently Asked Questions thread is a good one to refer to for a lot of similar posts. Here's that thread for everything ...



Here are some links from there I've copied and pasted. Feel free to join in on any of these!












This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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I feel your pain I'm actually the one who wrote the post that was added to this thread about falling about and I wish that everything was just normal I to experience very painful sex it feels as if my skin is tearing like a scratch it's horrible I'm trying to Stay positive I hope it gets better soon good luck to you keep us posted if anything works for you please I'm open to try anything to avoid pain

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello all! Thank you for the advice and the support. Adrial thank you for the links they were awesome! I feel very welcome. I recently got engaged and have been busy with that but I can happily say that everything is now back to normal. I've healed completely and our sex life is back to normal. To all those wondering if things will get better I can say that they do but we all need time to heal both emotionally and physically. Best of luck to all of you!

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  • 10 months later...

hi everybody... im from Venezuela and i cant speak english very well BUT i understand everyhing ... i only want to say im feeeling very well to read your experience and im in love of ADRIAL hahaha THANK U SO MUCH... i have a new motivation.. i want to go to EEUU and meet people like me...

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