I just found out a week ago that I have herpes

[simply_me07]

I'm trying to grasp the idea that I now have this.... forever. I'm trying to be positive thru all this.... but it's so hard. I feel alone and sad. I don't feel like myself these days. The only thoughts running thru my mind is how could I have been so dumb to trust him, that I will forever be alone, that I'm dirty and I have no idea how I would go about telling someone if that ever came around. I just want to feel normal again..

[WCSDancer2010]

Simply-me :

 

First, Welcome! You are among friends here. And let me be the first to say... it WILL get better with time. I am so sorry you are going through this but believe me, you are not alone and there are many here who will help you through your Herpes Journey.

 

Your best step right now is to read the great handouts and e-book that Adrial has here - it will help you start to realize that there are many many people who are dealing with this and that it is incredibly common.... it's just not talked about because of the (totally unfair/unrealistic) stigma.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

"Normal" will return - it may take awhile but you will get there. Just allow yourself to go with the process. Read back in the posts of others and you will see a VERY common theme with what you just wrote...and you will see how far so many have come in just weeks or a few months. In the end, this will just end up as a speed-bump in your life...or a life lesson ... or whatever..... right now it will be hard to see that, but trust me, life WILL go on....

 

((((HUGS))))

[iamentj]

hey there simply_me07:

 

i'm so proud of you for trying to maintain positivity through a tough situation! i felt the same way when i first got my diagnosis: that i was alone in this and from this point onward, that i don't feel like myself anymore, and how stupid i must be to have let this happen.

 

but there are some things we know absolutely. you (we) are not alone in this. the fact this forum exists is a testament to that. and while i don't know you, i'm also confident that you are not stupid and i am also confident that you will not be forever alone.

 

and as a relatively young female person type, i have had my fair share of moments where i felt dumb for trusting a guy -- and it had nothing to do with herpes. sadly, it's just part of the experience of living life, the fact you got herpes just makes it a little more complicated.

 

you will feel normal again. you will get to a point where you realize this is an inconvenience for the most part. what you need to do is look inwardly and remember all those amazing things about you that make you the wonderful person that i'm sure you are. gain confidence from that, and let that strength help you move forward.

 

i've only recently been diagnosed, and i know there will be times where i might actively hate the fact that i have herpes and feel low again. but i also know that feeling will pass.

 

you can do this! and we are all here for you in the moments you feel that you can't.

[mr_hopp]

All of these feelings you feel are (unfortunately) quite common. And what I've come to know helping hundreds of people with herpes is that all of that passes. Not only does all of that pass, but it's all bullshit to begin with. It's "stinkin thinkin" as Dr. Phil would say and it's all attached to the stigma. Once we start sinking into the reality of how herpes actually impacts our lives in the long-term, we get to drop the stigma and simply live and love. So know that the healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now is not judge yourself, not call yourself names, be kind and gentle to yourself and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this, too, shall pass. And if you forget any of that, we're always here to remind you. You aren't alone and you are beautiful. This process of healing is a process of loving yourself deeper and deeper. It's a beautiful process once you let go of the self-judgments. You don't deserve those from yourself. You deserve to treat yourself like a best friend would treat you: With compassion, love and support. And that's what we're here for, too. :) Big H Opp hugs!

 

By the way, just to prove that you're not alone in this, check out all these posts:

http://herpeslife.com/the-herpes-self-acceptance-process/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-help-one-magic-phrase/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1723/wanting-my-sexy-back/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1333/newbie-confused-how-i-got-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1700/hard-being-positive/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1711/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-over-herpes/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1702/i-am-scared-of-what-will-happen-/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1574/herpes-is-always-on-my-mind/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1804/disclosing-herpes-for-the-first-time/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1826/falling-apart/p1

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1830/sex-after-herpes/p1

[simply_me07]

thanx you all for the kind words. It was really needed. been such a difficult process since its hard for me to talk to anyone about how I'm feeling...... I guess I'm trying so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know all that takes time... I will download the handouts. thanx u for making me feel welcomed n I hope I won't become bothersome bugging with my 100 million n one questions....

[mr_hopp]

(Warning, snarky sarcasm ahead!)

 

Yeah, how DARE you come to a support forum and ask questions and hope to be supported! ;)

 

You are most welcome to ask anything and everything you need for peace of mind and healing, SM. I'm glad you're seeking support. That's the first step to the true healing process of shame. Reaching out and connecting to others in the same boat allows you to more deeply connect to yourself. And that's a beautiful process.

[simply_me07]

Lol..... Thank you so much! I know this will be a long process but I know I know and feel like I came to the right place....

[Aerial2013]

"Bothersome" to bug us with 100 million n one questions????

No bother at all! AND...welcome to the NEW normal! :)

You are not dumb, you are not alone, and you are definitely NOT dirty!

You, like all the new friends that you just found...whether you wanted to or not (ha ha) are simply human. We can love and accept you right where you are...the hardest part is for you to give that to yourself!

Welcome new friend!

[simply_me07]

Thank u Aerial..... This helps in the first step of accepting this.

[mr_hopp]

I got a hint for you, SM ... The first step to accepting anything will be to first accept yourself. That's the big secret to self-love. Self-acceptance. Only from there can we truly find love within ourselves and then with someone else and then disclose from a place of okayness and care. It all starts with us finding it in us first. Welcome to it. :)

[hope75]

"I feel alone and sad. I don't feel like myself these days. The only thoughts running thru my mind is how could I have been so dumb to trust him, that I will forever be alone, that I'm dirty and I have no idea how I would go about telling someone if that ever came around. I just want to feel normal again.. "

 

That was me in June, but with some deep soul searching and the amazing people on here I am starting to be in a better place than I was previous to H. and you know what. If I am alone for a long time, at least now the next person I am with I am with for all the right reasons, and I will know he truly loves me for me and not just for sex !! :-)

 

You will over come this , in your own time, but you will sending hugs to you x

[simply_me07]

Thanx u hope! I am more then grateful finding this group!