An Unbelievable, WTHell Twist to My Story

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Jones,

there's something clearly not right with you, you are over the place; nice one mintue and cold the next. YOU CALLED ME A BITCH!!! REALLY? No matter if i agree or disagree with someone on here, i have never out right called anyone a name.

 

[tjones]

You implied that I was a sociopath (same as direct name calling in my book) and I believe you are the one who is hot and cold if you look at your last responses to mine. You infer my remarks as a criticism of you but I always tried to infer a third person not you. So when you escalate the tone to call me names I do the same. I will not be intimated by your rage against men as I believe there are many men who have been destroyed by lying women in bed as the reverse. The guy your mad at is pathetic but we are on a public board and my remarks are designed with that in mind not specific to you.

 

So

 

If I really wanted to go off on you I have a very colorful set of adjectives ready to go. I told you I like you but your temper is a pain in the ass.

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

TJones,

I really want you to leave me alone. Again, I never called you any names nor do I have rage against men. I'm gonna be better than and not call names. The things you clearly struggle with have nothing to do with this site.this site is for helping others with herpes understand, grow, and move forward in their lifes. It is not a women bashing men site. I hope u get the help u need. Now LEAVE ME ALONE.

[tjones]

Are you going to sue me now too?

 

This is not the aimee only web site and I believe that I am helping others cope with herpes as I have dealt with it for over 25 years. I believe that you are implying that I need help as a form of shrugging me off as some kind of luny. There are only about 5 people even using this system so I responding to them as well.

[mr_hopp]

Please everyone, can we strive to support one another instead of fighting with one another? It's really important for all of us to focus our energy and attention toward healing and support instead of negativity and arguing.

 

Anyone who cannot abide by our community agreements cannot be in this community. These agreements are what make this community special and safe for healing and growth to take place. I will remove anyone who cannot follow these very simple and clear rules. Please. Be civil. Be respectful. Honor one another's process. Strive to support and understand. If you feel triggered about something someone said, instead of arguing about it, just let it go. This is a practice in life to put our attention on what we want more of in our lives and let go of the things we want less of.

 

Please, begin now.

 

Please read back over our community agreements here:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1010/please-read-herpes-opportunity-community-guidelines/p1

 

[tjones]

Got it.

 

It just really angers me that this disease is used to destroy other people for money . Rape yes punish I agree but the disease is something separate from that. The guys who use roofies to rape unsuspecting young women should go to jail. If they also pass along Herpes they can pay for medical too so I agree with Aimee on that but I also need to point out that there are other things far more scary than getting herpes just to keep things in prospective. This technique was very useful to me when I got it years ago.

[WCSDancer2010]

tjones:

 

There are only about 5 people even using this system so I responding to them as well.

 

While it may look like there are only 5-10 people on here at anyone one time actually posting but there are actually TENS OF THOUSANDS of unique users coming on here every month. When they see this kind of discourse, they won't stay and they certainly won't post because they will fear they will be attacked.

 

The one thing that makes this forum work (and makes it so much better than many I have been on), is the fact that we try our best to have a respectful discourse.... so just because you may feel someone has implied something about you does not make it ok to start a tit-for-tat name-calling match. You came on here having read this one post and started in, not knowing the history of Aimee's experience. Believe me, she and I have had our moments but I have done my best to give constructive "tough love" ... which runs a VERY fine line. yes, we need to be straight and honest with folks sometimes but it will only be heard if is comes from a place of love. If it comes from a place of "I have had it 25 years, deal with it". it will only land as insulting and the person will not be able to hear your true message. Believe me, I don't entirely disagree with some things you said...but your delivery could use a little polish ;)

 

And BTW, I've had HSV1 for 48 years and HSV2 for 35 years .... so I *get* your message about how things were back in the 70's and 80's...... the problem is there IS a lot more stigma which makes it all the more scary for people who get it now. Our mission here is to help reduce the stigma through support and education both here and outside the forum. Starting or getting drawn into a pissing match will not help anyone..... and it won't be tolerated. Thank you for your understanding....

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Wcsdancer2010,

well said, thank you

[tjones]

5 people posting is what I meant

You sound like a trained therapist. The love thing you refer to means to cry online for awhile and then discuss moving forward right?

BTW my polish is bad because I am a lousy typist, an electrical engineer, and do not like to beat around the bush.

Is the stigma worse now? That's hard to believe.

As far as Aimee is concerned she has huge anger issues which are not hard to trigger based on how she got it. She thinks I am picking on her which I am not but does her actions set an example to everyone else. Should we all arrest and sue the person who gave it to us? Maybe by pointing out a lot more serious problems we can keep the Herpes thing in prospective an.d they would alleviate some of the pain

 

Compared to herpes the one of 30 mil people who died of the Spanish flu in 1921 because they were near somebody who sneezed on a train seems like a lot more traumatic exp. to me.

 

But thx for the explanation.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

TJones -

 

Even tho you "spoke" to the 5 people posting - you are being "heard" by tens of thousands when you respond on here. THAT is why we must create a SAFE place for people on here. We may *see* a few people on here go from scared/mad/confused/whatever but in truth we are reaching sooooo many more people and a pissing match will just send many away.

 

"The love thing you refer to means to cry online for awhile and then discuss moving forward right? "

 

No - coming from a place of love is speaking from the heart - not from an "I'm right, you are wrong" place, or a "I've had it for "X" years and I'm fine so you should be too" or whatever. Coming from a place of love is letting go of your attachment to being *right* and just being able to pass on those things that you have found to be helpful. It's about not getting triggered when someone elses's fear, anger, and frustration is thrown at you. Its about being empathetic to another person's "human-ness". Most important, it's about LISTENING without having an agenda about what they MUST do or how they MUST be.

 

And btw, you can ask Aimee - I don't "beat around the bush" - but I don't set fire to it either ... I'm known here as the Forum Mom because I dispense tough Love ... LOL :p

 

Should we all arrest and sue the person who gave it to us?

 

I agree with you here (and Aimee knows that) BUT the point of this particular post was that he INTENTIONALLY tried to give her Herpes. And THAT I find to be deplorable and IMO worthy of litigation. And as I said before, I am a very anti-litigation minded person.

 

Rather than tell someone they are "wrong" for suing when someone just doesn't disclose for other reasons, you would get a lot further by pointing out all the harm it may do in the long run (for me, I see it making Herpes even more stigmatized which is why I am a proponent for taking those people and educating them so they understand why disclosure is so important)

 

I agree - there are sooo many worse things that could happen to us than having Herpes. But I think you said yourself that you went through the anger/shame/etc when you got it. Your experience was no less valid than Aimee's. We each have to go through those emotions in our own way.

 

The best way to help everyone through their journey is to listen from a place of love and only offer your words when you are NOT triggered (believe me, I walked away from my computer several times with other discussions with people on here until I was in a better frame of mind to reply ;) ). And a good indication that you are being triggered is if you are starting to think someone "should" be acting in some particular way or you start to label them in some way or other ...

 

And no, I am not a "trained therapist" but I have done years of study in personal growth seminars and courses and I am a Massage Therapist so i deal with many people who are dealing with all kinds of "stuff". ;)