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Just left the leper colony


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You know dating is hard enough as it is. It's even harder online, and I decided to go join one of the leper colonies last week. Yeah, yeah, don't say it 'cause I know you've thought about it...if you haven't already done it, too.

 

Now, fortunately for me I work for myself and can work wherever there's an internet connection. That means that should something spark and an interest develop, I could go anywhere in the world and see where it goes. That means I'm not really tied to any geographic location, which is a great feeling right now and opens that dating pool up considerably. I feel a little like Jack Dawson right now, just tell me where to set the notebook up and I'll go to work.* But, I digress, and honestly, at 36 I'm ready to settle down and share a life with someone. I've been here, done that, lived some amazing adventures, and well, that one just feels like it's the time to do that. So, I'll give online dating a try.

 

*I do not portend to be able to draw like Jack Dawson, and in fact, if I tried to draw a naked woman, it would most likely resemble something from Picasso's "I've had way too much Sangria and here's a stick figure" period. Also, unlike Jack Dawson, I did not go down on the Titanic, she went down on me, which is why I ended up in the friggin' leper colony to begin with. But, again, I digress.

 

So, I'm filling out the profile on this one site, and there's about 50 different questions they ask about personality, habits, interests, likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, favorite foods, sexual fetishes, age, height, you name it. It's a big list and you have to fill it out before you can sign up (Oh, yeah, you know what I'm talking about, don't deny it.) And it hits me; STD's is only one line. It's one little line. Now, granted, it's a big line, but the other lines gang up on it and beat it down to size. And, it was hard to fill that line out. I actually wept when I did it. I actually cried filling that line out because it was confirmation that my old life was over. The old me was DOA. I felt like I was putting a big "markdown" sticker on my forehead and placing myself in one of those dollar bins that you see in front of the check-out line at Walmart. I felt like I was filling out a bloody obituary and the real hard thing is I know the exact date to put on the tombstone.

 

Then, of course, I looked at the pretty pictures while I was there. Come on, I'm a guy and we all do it. I honestly do that mainly because I can look at a picture and tell a lot about a woman. For instance, I use my Japanese Samurai picture for my profile. I'm adventurous, love to travel, like Asia, and I'm bald just like the Samurai. It tells a lot about me. So, I look for women who might be a match for me. Not a match for my STD. Plus, right now I have a soon to be ex-boyfriend who's probably going to come looking for me in the next few days, so yes, I am looking for my suit of armor because if I look like Chuckie Norris doesn't scare me, he might leave me alone.

 

Then I get to reading the profiles. And, they're the same as on the regular dating sites. With the exception of the sob story. And, we all have the sob story. It's the same sob story; "I had sex, and..." Or, "Someone lied to me, and..." Or, "I have an STD and I don't want to be alone." I actually wasn't interested in the profiles that included the sob or the S.O.B. story. The ones that interested me were the ones that didn't.

 

And, I'm thinking to myself, you know, this isn't me. It's not. I am not herpes. Granted, my penis and I disagree on this toxic topic right now and he's still quite pissed, but we'll work it out. We'll get a hand on things and move forward over the next year. By Easter we should be back on speaking terms and I already know Valentine's Day is going to involve jewelry of some kind. This year I'm going to Jared, there's just no way around it and I've already picked the watch out.

 

And, with all these realizations I left the leper colony. I am not damaged goods. I am not a virus. I am not someone who needs to be sheltered away on some CDC funded island with barbed wire and stigmas all around it. I'm still me. I still have the same dreams, goals, wants, desires, ambitions, and hopes that I had before herpes came into my life. I'm just virally enhanced, and it'll learn to fit in with the 20 billion bacteria, fallible organs, bodily noises, and other things that make me human. Granted, some women might not like that. I don't care. I'm not going back to the leper colony. Tonight I decided I'm not a leper, and that's just the way it's gonna be.

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Good for you!!!

 

I'll be honest, I'm on Positive Singles.. (actually met one really nice guy who just isn't in a hurry to start dating) but for me it's just another option... I'm also on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish and I have my H status on OKC (plan to put it on PoF when I get around to it) and ya know what??? I'm getting JUST AS MANY HITS as I was before.

 

So just get out there in any way that works for you. I personally feel that the more places you place your presence (in person or otherwise) the better the chance you will find your soul mate. Even if it includes the Leper Colony. ;)

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You continue to simultaneously inspire me and make me laugh, Herry. I don't know how you do it, but feeling quite touched and smiling from ear to ear, too. I'm glad how you're seeing yourself is shifting to a more fair and self-accepting perspective. Good job being you, brutha. Good fucking job.

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I dunno, a site that by its mere existence relegates the "talk" to the bottom of the "things to discuss" pile instead of the top seems like a awesome place to start. Im simply astonished that anyone would describe it as a leper colony. I seen positive singles and despite the expense i think its a pretty good place to start,either for the newly diagnosed that is afraid at this point to date H- person,or the old vet sick of the talk. Im pretty sure those on it dont feel like the have a mark down sticker on them.. and you shouldnt either. No one is their herpes or virus we are all human and much more complex than that.. but guess what. You have herpes,it forever and its pretty important thing you are going to have to discuss with someone at some point. Places like that only remove the importance of it.. personally i think the mere existence of herpes/std sites uplifting,.i.see it as a good first step in acceptance for individuals and of herpes both.

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