how to deal and accept you have herpes

[softyspoken79]

Hi, I'm new here just looking for support and someone to talk to about how they dealt with just finding out they had herpes? I found out I have herpes four months ago. just still processing it all.

[bookworm21]

Welcome to the site :) We are all so glad that you've joined us.

 

People accept it all differently. It took me two years and quite a few bad "relationships" to accept it. Honestly, it took me getting another STD to really start accepting myself. There is no right or wrong way (though I would suggest working it out BEFORE you have more sexual relationships)

 

I encourage you to read the posts on here. Really take the stories in and post! It will help. You can also private message me if you need to talk on a more personal level :) I am always glad to lend an ear.

 

Bookworm.

[softyspoken79]

thank you

 

[WCSDancer2010]

softyspoken79

 

First, Welcome to the forum. You couldn't find a better place for support.

 

One of the best things for learning to live with ANYTHING is to really understand it... then get perspectives from others. So for stage I, read the handouts and the ebook that Adrial has provided here:

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Then start reading the blogs and forum posts. A few good ones to start with are the FAQs and a few perspective posts... here are a few to start with:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations#Item_2

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2366/id-rather-have-cancer

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2220/fear-of-the-moment Herry the Herp

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2447/having-the-healing-talk#Item_1 Herry

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2048/just-a-little-something#Item_4

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/92/the-positive-side-of-being-herpes-positive

 

There are plenty of people here who will hold your hand as you process everything but believe me when I say you WILL be fine...promise :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[victoriaxxx]

Welcome ! Yes we all do accept it differently. Some people take more time than others.. Some people don't take that much time at all. For me it was about a week and a half when I accepted the truth, and came to accept myself. (:

 

[softyspoken79]

I think I have accepted it just still processing it.

[softyspoken79]

do you understand what I'm trying to say?

[victoriaxxx]

Yes I do understand what you are saying.. It is a lot to process.. Eventually it is something you will barely think about.

[WCSDancer2010]

We all process at our own rate. It's all good. Keep reading on here and ask questions when you need to. AND know that in the grand scheme of things, Herpes isn't the worst thing (far from it!) that could happen to us.

[softyspoken79]

Thank you guys so much. I'm so glad i found this site and I know its not the worst thing.

Lets just say I'm dealing with it pretty well even after having someone close to you say that there surprized you don't have aids and having someone dump you after finding out you have herpes and he was the one that gave me chlamydia what a loser. Then meet some.one that really likes you but after telling him about me having herpes I never heard from him again and that was that. If someone really liked me they would except all of me. So then decided to take a break from dating for awhile i know I'm not getting any younger but i got take sometime for myself for a while either for a few months or a year until I feel I'm ready.

[softyspoken79]

Right now relationship is far from my mind right now. I'm here to listen and meet people that understand what I'm going though and try to help others :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Sometimes we need to take a break from dating other people and revisit our relationship with OURSELVES. I took a 3 year break from dating and it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. So, good for you. Perhaps Herpes is what you needed to get in touch with who you are and what you want in a partner.

 

And be thankful that Herpes showed you exactly who those people were who behaved badly when you disclosed. At least now you know who they REALLY are ....

 

(((HUGS)))

[softyspoken79]

Thank you

[lelani]

Welcome to the site :-). Yes accepting it takes time..for some shorter than others and you can also take a couple of steps backwards now and then. I took a 5 year break from a 25 year marriage before I started dating (didn't have H then)...loved the independence and the ability to cram so much into a day without having to compromise my time. Then I got H from someone I was dating (I chose to be with him after he told me he had H - and I had HPV). I met someone unexpectedly immediately after my diagnosis and when I told him he told me he had it too...we broke up shortly after as he hadn't gotten over his ex (H isn't the only reason we get rejected!). I didn't date again for a year as I wasn't ready and was struggling with H, even thought I thought I was being positive.

 

Now I am with an amazing man who accepts all of me, H and all. I didn't want to settle for less and didn't meet him until I was ready. So enjoy a time of being unattached and develop your life, be who you want to be. Until that happens the right person won't appear...some may appear but they won't be the right ones. Use H as your guide to a keeper... :-)

[Aerial2013]

Lelani, your words are ALWAYS spot on! I haven't been on for a while but just a post here and there, and it's good to read your words again!

 

I am in a constant state of "processing" the reality of life with H. The feeling of being kicked in the gut when I had my first oB has certainly passed, but "processing" it for me is ongoing. I think about H much less often than when I was first diagnosed, though, and many of the actions I've taken to help my body live with the virus...well, they've been GREAT blessings.

 

Of course I take my medicine every day, but I also eat better than I ever have, exercise regularly, and most importantly I don't stay in a situation that adds more emotional stress than I'm willing to allow. I've practiced all kinds of ways to set healthier boundaries for myself. I'm VERY careful in those moments when I may commit to things that threaten my sense of balance and peace, because this seems to be directly connected (at least for me) to the frequency of my outbreaks.

 

"Processing" is ongoing for me. It doesn't mean I haven't accepted, and it doesn't mean I'm still self-loathing over the stigma of H like I did in the earliest days/weeks. It just means that life and relationship has an added layer to consider as I move forward. In a way, the "processing" I guess I'm talking about is just the constant awareness I now have that...I really do matter. The choices I make in my life affect the WHOLE me...my body, my mind, my heart...so I'm more careful which things I choose for myself now. I don't say yes to please others or to gain their acceptance. If I say yes, it's because I genuinely want that particular thing/activity/person in my life. If I say no, it's because that particular something just wouldn't work for me at that time.

 

Best wishes to you on your journey!