This was a first!

[kitcattat]

I had the herpes disclosure just now and i just wanted to share with everyone my first ever success!!! Id been dreading it all damn day, just freaking out and thinking the worst, like im never going to talk to him again... but it went well.

Here's the back story...I meet this guy online, we have this great connection and he's fun to hang out with, the calmest guy Ive ever met in my life. We really hit it off and like pretty much hung out every otehr day since weve met. Well Ive been trying to take things slow and not get super attatched because the last guy I dated, I disclosed to him and he was coool with it and everything seemed great, but he changed his mind after a day. So i wasnt getting too caught up into it like I normally do. This last week I was like ok Ithink I need to tell him, but was so on the fence about it, like maybe he wont take it well. So we stupidly hook up and Im freaking out now...like great, you meet this great guy and youve already ruined it. Ive done this once before and ISWORE I would never do it again, because it makes the convo three trillion times harder, but here I am again... So im beating myself up and finally am like ok you just gotta tell him and whether it works or not, you just need to start being more honest and open.

SOoo tonight, we go to a basketball game and I tell him when he drops me off at my house..had this whole speech prepared, and rehearsed, but of course it comes out half as long and with a lot more ums and uhs and sighs. I got it out though and I actually didn't cry at all, like I was wanting to, but this was a first of not crying. Woot. He was perfectly calm after I told him and said ok, we'll figure it out as we go!! I was sooo shocked, huh are you sure? He says, yeah i mean whats done is done and we cant take it back, so I'll research a little more and we'll just figure it out. I was like alright...wow. He asks whatd you think I would just flip out and kick you out of my car? Well yeah, you never know how people will react to it. Then he assures me that he likes me a lot thats why hes been spending so much time with me and he was even sweet enough to ask if theres anything he could do? I am just sooo ecstatic that it actually went well for once. I just hope it continues this way! Just cant express how proud i am that I did it in a positive light and didnt cry and it actually came out ok. Thanks guys for everything, Ive been trolling this site for the past couple of days to get motivation and inspiration from everyone here. It always helps to hear everyone elses experience with herpes!!

[Amillionthings]

What can i say, disclosing is scary enough...but to be brave enough and have enough courage after the first guy....well done. And you are right to be proud of yourself.

 

I know you will be feeling on top of the world right now. What a feeling !

 

Enjoy it and I'm happy for you.

 

X

[beachluvr]

So happy for you! Congrats!! It always makes me smile when I read a great success story. I just hope mine goes as well.....

 

I met this great guy online as well and we've been dating for almost 4 months now. He has no clue about the "H" (hate that word lol). We don't get to see each other much due to his work schedule, plus I had surgery (girl parts) so sex is something we have NOT done yet. We've been affectionate and it's been great getting to know him and him getting to know ME. One reason why I held off was because I wanted him see me as a person, get to know who I am, and know that he is really here for me. I'm so scared to have "the talk" with him but he's been so patient with me, telling me we will be intimate when I feel ready and comfortable. He's been great with not being pushy and I can't continue much longer without telling him. I've read a lot of success stories and some not so successful but I'm scared as hell that he will run for the hills when I mention the "H" word. I've played out conversations over and over in my head which sound great but I know I will be a nervous wreck in a face to face conversation and will probably forget half of what I want to say. I need to print out the handouts, etc. so I can show him some statistics/facts.

 

I need to do this in the next week or two. He knows my healing time from the surgery is up. I told him the doctor said I couldn't have sex for 8 weeks but it was really only 5....I felt bad lying but I am so scared to tell him.

 

Any pointers/advice you can share will be much appreciated. Again, congrats and I hope things work out for the two of you. He sounds understanding and must really care for you. Wishing you the best.

 

Hugs!

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@kitcattat

 

Good for you for restoring your integrity.... it's sooo damn easy to get caught up in the moment (damned hormones!!!). It's not "right", but it happens. And I think you know you have to accept whatever conclusion he comes to now. It says a lot about him that he remained calm and said he would do some research - but you really want to guide him to the better, more accurate site....

 

Send him the disclosure handouts and e-book link and send him to this site... and tell him to stay off Google images and the yahoo groups... ;)

 

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

@beachluvr

 

I can't really add any advice that hasn't been said in the links I keep posting about the successful disclosures... just make sure you thoroughly understand your condition so you can answer questions... have the handouts printed out and ready to give to him, and tell him to stay off Goggle images and Yahoo.... try to stay calm and make it clear that you know this is a deal breaker for some and no big deal for others and you want him to have the choice and be informed before you get intimate. Some will walk, and others will love you all the more for your integrity and honesty and vulnerability. You can't control that.

 

So my advice...

 

Just.Do.It.

 

It's been eating at you for far too long... so just get it over with..at this point I don't think waiting longer will change his feelings one way or another. So do it, get your answer, and then deal with the result. Waiting is only making it harder on you.

 

(((HUGS)))

[kitcattat]

Thanks guys! It was a rough few days but imnso happy im out in the open w him now!

@wcsdancer yes I did tell him where to go because I know the places I ran into when I did my research...

@beachluvr like wcsdancer said just do it. Its always so nerve racking leading up to it, I hate that part the most. But my process is to write it down so I can get a general gist of what im gonna say..like u said half of it doesn't end up in the conversation, but I get the point across. I tell my friends so that way I feel like I need to have this talk today and they'll hold me accountable for it. I picture it in my head going both ways so im prepared for whatever comes. But I think the most important thing about the talk is to make it come from the heart. I mean you're bearing a piece of you to someone, so it should be very vulnerable.... which is so scary but if they can't accept that piece how are they ever gonna deal w anything else that goes along w you? Good luck with your talk I hope it goes well for you! Its the scariest thing ever but its also very empowering as well. Let us know how it goes :)

[WCSDancer2010]

But my process is to write it down so I can get a general gist of what im gonna say..like u said half of it doesn't end up in the conversation, but I get the point across. I tell my friends so that way I feel like I need to have this talk today and they'll hold me accountable for it. I picture it in my head going both ways so im prepared for whatever comes. But I think the most important thing about the talk is to make it come from the heart.

 

AMEN... and great strategies to prepare yourself for the talk :)