Ashamed, full of guilt.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Amillionthings

 

Sister - you are MUCH wiser than you think ;)

 

just an outside perspective...but....without that experience, the sex with the girl...you wouldn't have come to your realisation...or it may have been years down the line until you did....so just a small silver lining here....as much as its a regret you now have...and you feel guilt etc, but if you didnt do it....you wouldnt have this realisation of the meaning of your life and love...now thats a pretty big and great realisation to have....some people spend their whole lives trying to find their meaning, purpose.

 

Couldn't have said that better my friend :D

 

Sometimes the hardest thing is listening to our own wisdom ;)

 

[Amillionthings]

Ha...i always seem to be wiser and switched on when it isn't me :/....thanks dancer.

 

tell me about it...i am my own worst enemy. X

 

 

[JohnB]

WCSDancer: I did tell her that, and I bursted out crying in tears uncontrollably. And now she's being more caring and nicer than shes ever been to me, she can tell im having issues and her inner beauty is coming out. Which is destroying me more. Youre right I do have a hard time lettting it go, the guy was one of my best friends at the time. and also neither of us were tested, I was wondering if they normally test everyone for herpes while youre pregnant or just if you have a reason to believe you could have it? I would think the pregnancy would almost for sure bring it out.

 

Amillionthings: Youre right I wouldnt have realized what I wanted until I had that experience, I just really wish I couldve had that experience without these miserable repercussions. Yes she still has feelings for me as I do her. She was crying when I was crying as well. I dont think she will understand because hers was before our baby. I cant know for sure though. I think she was the right person, and still is, just didnt know it until now. But idk, we were broken up for a reason. If we were together that wouldve all been different. It would be tough to add this to all of the mess that we've had this whole time. I'm just praying alot everything will be ok and your guys support is keeping me going.

[WCSDancer2010]

I was wondering if they normally test everyone for herpes while youre pregnant

 

They *should* but having seen a lot of people's experiences of very poor advice and care from Providers, I wouldn't hold my breath. Pregnancy doesn't necessarily bring it out... if she's carrying it asymptomatically she may just be good at naturally suppressing it...there's talk of the possibility of some people having a gene that helps them to fight it off (they found a similar gene in patients with HIV who seem to fight it off better)... she *could* be one of them. So at some point you need to have the talk and get her tested...even tho you haven't had sex with her, she *could* be carrying it unknowingly. AND, you may have carried it all along too. You'll ever know.

 

What about going to a couples therapist or mediator to talk this out? See what is best for everyone involved?

[JohnB]

yeah I think we will have to go to a couples therapist, unfortunately if we wouldve just went a long time ago it couldve been avoided. yes, I think eventually I will just have to come clean with her, its the only way to figure this all out. I think its highly unlikely that she has it unless she got it from me back a while ago. She's also had mono in high school, so i think if she had it she would have outbreaks with her weakened immune system?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Again, not necessarily if she has the gene that suppresses it....esp if you were also suppressing it very well until recently.

[JohnB]

Its such a messed up thing, I dont get herpes. How can it be this confusing. I'm afraid she'd accept me back right away and i'd give it to her. But i cant imagine her taking me back

 

[Amillionthings]

HeyJonB

 

Definitely this experience did all of that. You dont think shell understand.....but you dont know that she wont....theres only one way youll find out that answer.

 

If you were together it would have been different....and more of an issue....but you werent together....try to remember this. So theres nothing more to add to the situation. It is as it is. Nothing more or less. You clearly care for each other very much. Once you establish if you two are going to get back together...or that there may be a possibilty...you can explain the sex....for exactly what it was....meaningless, drunken sex following a night out with friends. Something you regret BUT has also been the cause of the biggest and best wake up call youve had...why youve been feeling down, how you feel etc and well, everything you told us.

 

You'll be ok JonB x

[WCSDancer2010]

Herpes is no different than a cold or flu... why can you go into a room with someone with either... with say, 20 other people, you all have contact with that person, and only 2 people get it??? Because its a matter of how much of the viral "dose" you get, how good your immune system is, perhaps there are genetics involved, stress levels, etc. And one of those 2 will barely have any symptoms and the other will be flat on their back for a week.

 

Try not to think about whether she will take you back just yet. Take each day at a time. Get some help from an outside source.... and see where it goes. Don't let Herpes get into your head .... it's just one of a LOT of things you guys need to clean up ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Amillionthings does it again!

 

Once you establish if you two are going to get back together...or that there may be a possibilty...you can explain the sex....for exactly what it was....meaningless, drunken sex following a night out with friends. Something you regret BUT has also been the cause of the biggest and best wake up call youve had...why youve been feeling down, how you feel etc and well, everything you told us.

 

Amen chica!

[Amillionthings]

Hey.....wait until you know your herpes status first JonB....acceptance...passing it on..etc etc...is all irrelevant until you know your status. You remind me of me...you think of every scenario possible ;) x

[JohnB]

Its hard not to think of every bad scenario. Every little ache I have now I have to see if its associated with herpes or something else. Hopefully I dont have something worse. Does anyone know the odds of having post herpetic neuralgia associated with genital herpes 1 or 2? I cant imagine I would have shingles 4 days after sex on my penis and get post herpetic neuralgia from it! Its all so confusing, Im having something rare that is going on that is for sure. its been constant pain for 7 weeks now.. so confusing

[WCSDancer2010]

@JohnB

 

One word...

 

STOP.

 

You need to stop over thinking all this until you get a result my friend :)

[JohnB]

Well the test came back today, at 7.5 weeks its was both negative for hsv1 and hsv2 igg.. the scores are only read as <.90, she was negative and i am negative so far. also negative for everything else. syph, gon, chlam, hiv. My back still hurts and i still have the pain down there. kind of a more stinging feeling as of late, inner thighs all the way down to behind my knees and into my calf sometimes. Also some pretty good back pain. tip of my man part as well. any thoughts or insight from anyone would be appreciated.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, 7.5 weeks is waaay too early for anything to show up on the IgG ... some places will do IgM (which is for more recent exposures) but it's not as reliable so most won't do it.

 

Without a swab you will have to wait at least 4 months from the time of contact... I would wait 5 to be safe.

 

What is your Dr saying would be the cause if not Herpes? And can they not get a swab from your man part? You may be blistering inside ... (try letting it soak in warm water with a good handful of Epsom Salts... that may dry it up)

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

First congratulations on being hsv negative. its everything all if us wanted to hwar when we were worrying about it. I hope this little scare will make you much more precatious in your own health. as we as realizing that us peeps with hsv are down ro. earth pretty cool peeps to who happen to just have a skin condition. anyhow i wanted to put my 2 cents on here because although i don't remember my friend complaing about groin pain and she didn't have testicles to have that be in pain ahe did have a sudden onset of symptoms and back and neck pain and feeling like the flu and she had meningitis. technically they don't call it sexually transmitted but if you swapped saliva like french kissing that's how she got it. but really none us heelre can tell you what that is you should def go back to the doctor. good luck and hope you get to feelin better soon

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Ih yeah what dancer said. if its only been that short a time its way to soon to know.

[JohnB]

well theres nothing there to really dry up, it doesnt hurt when i pee or anything and no discharge. Thats why i dont think im blistering inside. ughh 5 months would be so long to wait, that would be july for me! There really isnt anything for them to swab, she didnt want to swab those small little bumps.. This was at pp, and like i said she said she has seen a lot of it

 

My dr said the cause could be some sort of neurological issue in my back. It just seems so ironic for it to be 4 days after sex. She thinks i need to see the neurologist and that I absolutely do not have it. But i also understand that herpes affects the nerves so its confusing.

 

Yes this has been a huge lesson to me either way with what the next round of results bring.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, right now you are in a waiting place - but in the grand scheme of things, 3 months is nothing. I know it *seems* like forever but try to look at it from the reality standpoint ...

 

Use this time to reflect on what you want, and who you want to be. This could be a huge turning point in your life (no matter what your status) if you take it on. :)

[JohnB]

Yeah I'm working on that, thats what im trying to go for. Making myself a better person, a better father, and a better friend to my ex. Just have to tough it out and figure out who im going to be for the rest of my life. Thanks dancer.