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just found out i have herpes, need someone to talk to & some support!

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I just found out I have it today. I've only been Sexually active with One person my whole life & that's MY boyfriend for Over a year. We're both so devastated and have been crying all day. I told him I forgive him & I still love him but deep down I'm still upset. He didn't cheat on me but he has had previous Partners. I haven't told anyone & I'm trying to keep it from my parents. It's eating me up inside and I don't Know how to continue my life. It seems like this is taking a deep hold on me. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

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Hello! Welcome to this AMAZING site. I found it while googleing things, and I'm glad I did. This is by far one of the most informative sites you'll find because everyone on here is either blessed with this skin condition, or they are close to someone who has it.


The way you are feeling right now is totally normal. I found out on Monday and I'm semi-accepting of it because I've forced myself to be, but still the feelings of guilt and shame are definitely present. It takes time. As far as telling anyone, sleep on it a few days and then consider telling your parents, or at least your mom. I'm assuming the "1995" in your screen name is your birth year? If so, that makes you 18-19. I'm not much older than you, and I feel like my mom knowing was just a relief in itself. Yeah, she was a little taken back and I'm assuming somewhat upset, but she's my mom. Unfortunately for her she has to love me no matter what. You're going to have this forever, keeping it inside isn't going to do you any favors. Especially right now. You're going to have breakdowns, good days and bad days and sometimes mom is the only one that can help you through it.


The best advice I can give you is to educate yourself. Read as much as you can (by reliable sources, not Dr. Google. That shit will only scare you) and learn to be kinder to yourself. I am a chronic stress mess. I basically feel weird if I have nothing to stress myself out over. I don't sleep enough. I have a horrible diet. My thoughts to myself are unkind. All of that needs to change now. It's a real wake up call. Try to find the positive in this. Maybe not right away, for right now just focus on processing. Take awhile and learn to accept that you can't change it. Then plan how to manage it. That's all you can do.

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Welcome to the site! (Both of you)


You'll find a lot of great support here. It's going to take a minute to get used to it. Just remember, while it seems like a huge deal and that your life is over (that's how I felt) It's really not! You will go on to lead a fantastically full life full of everything you want if you chose to.


I spent a few years feeling ashamed, guilty, dirty, slutty, guilty, awful, and a whole bunch of other feelings. I was a mess. I let the feelings consume me. I didn't respect myself and that led to some other behaviors. I'm telling you this because you DON'T have to feel this way. Reaching out is the first step. Realizing that you have a slightly life altering skin condition is the next step. You have herpes. Most of the time, the word itself is worse than the actual disease.


As for telling people, you don't need to unless you are going to be sexually active with them! I told my mom (she's a nurse) and eventually the rest of my close family and friends. Having their support is great. Most of the time everyone forgets. Unless there is a badly timed herpes joke then people kind of look at you to find out if it's ok to laugh. Which it is. You will want to laugh about it one day. You'll also have days you want to cry about it. That's ok too.


Forgive yourself. You might not think that you are punishing yourself by holding on, but somewhere deep down you are. Then truly forgive your boyfriend. He didn't know he had it. He's about to go down this long journey as well. After forgiveness you can really move on.


Sparklepony is right! Educate yourself. Read everything you can. Become so used to the terms they don't affect you anymore.



We are always here to help! Message me if you need anything at all.

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@Sparklepony and @bookworm gave you great advice....


You didn't say whether you have HSV1 or 2. I hit the jackpot and have both.


I've had HSV1 (coldsores) since I was about 3 - HSV2 since my first sexual encounter (Not a BF - I got sucked in at 17 by a 21 yr old guy who ran as soon as my mother found out)....it was the late 70's and noone talked about Herpes, condoms broke most of the time, and we usually didn't use condoms once we went on the pill. I'm 52 now, and I've survived just fine, have 2 beautiful daughters, had a 20 yr marriage and 2 H- BF's since. :P


I never knew what that I thought was a heat rash was Herpes. I got married after a year or so my hubby came up with the blisters and flu symptoms and that is when we learned I had herpes. So I feel for your boyfriend.... Sadly thanks to the stance by the CDC to not add the test to the STD panel with or without a "reason", many people (up to 80% of carriers) have no idea they have H.


So - the quick question is, is it HSV 1 or 2? Because if it's HSV1, he likely has "coldsores" on his mouth...along with 80% of the population, likely acquired in childhood and not from "other partners". If it's HSV2, well, yeah - he got it elsewhere.... but likely from someone who also had no idea....so it would be a good thing for him to let them know they need to be tested too.


Either way, don't let this define you. If you have a friend/parent/family member that you know accepts you no matter what, start there. Don't let it make you feel you have to go into a closet and hide there. There are plenty of people who will love you not matter what.... Herpes doesn't define you..... don't ever let anyone or anything make you believe otherwise ;)



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Thank you all Sooo much. All of Your words have really helped me! I have a lot to think about. I keep having episodes when I'm by myself but I'm slowly accepting it. It's Only the second day so I have a long way to go. You guys are amazing, I'm happy I found this website. All of Your stories are inspiring to me. I wish more people knew about this and were aware that they can Still have it without getting symptoms. By the way does anyone know how to relieve the pain & burning When urinating from an outbreak. It's the worst than anything I've ever felt.

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By the way does anyone know how to relieve the pain & burning When urinating from an outbreak. It's the worst than anything I've ever felt.


Try peeing in the shower/bath - a lot of people find it helps to dilute the urine and lessen the sting....and slather the area with Zinc cream...which can act as a barrier when you pee...



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Sounds similar to my experience. I found out about 3 years ago. I was in a relationship and we both found out we had it about a week apart. I was going to a walk-in clinic and the doctors were less than helpful.. didn't encourage me to take a suppressant for it or anything. Didn't really tell me that I had options.. Or maybe they did, it was sort of like in the movies... when someone gets a really terrible diagnosis and the room goes blurry and you can't even hear what the doctor is saying anymore. Yeah, it was like that. my life.. was over. I sobbed like a baby when I got home that night.

Fast forward a year or so, I was back with my usual family doctor (and single) and she got me on Valtrex right away and I have about 2 months left and I rarely get outbreaks. She gave me lots of information about it because before that I was pretty much thinking nobody would ever want me again.. lol.

Try not to play the blame game.. if you really love your bf. He didn't do this knowingly and he probably feels about as bad as you do. Forgive him and move forward.

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@whymegirl I'm the same way. Me and my boyfriend have been crying for days but slowly we're getting back to Ourselves. It's good to Know that Other people have Similar eyperiences. he does feel terrible. Right now we're just trying to be there for each other. It's just so unexpected because he didn't Show symptoms. Are the outbreaks still as bad as the first? Thank you!

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Hey! Welcome aboard. The burning when urinating thing, if you can't make it to a bath to help ease the pain try moving around until the pee doesn't rush over the bumps. Pull back the area or lean a different way so the stream comes out different. Do epsom salt baths! 4 to 6 big handfuls twice a day in warm water, just enough to cover your outbreak area. He can do it too. Epsom salt helps some of us, it did me ALOT! It dries up the sores! You have found a great place! We are all here to support each other through every aspect of the process. Any questions just come asking us.


Typically, everyone is different though, secondary outbreaks after the first initial one are much much more mild. Now, everyone is different as I said, but *typically* it won't be like that first one. For most, outbreaks decrease in frequency over the years and become more mild as your body learns how to fight this!

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