1st time telling I have herpes. Rejected. Feeling pretty deflated.

[whymegirl]

Told the guy I've been seeing before things got physical. He was really supportive and I was so relieved when I first told him. Then he had some time to think about it and I got the... "Lets just be friends." Crushing blow.

Got home that night and was so upset. so while literally sobbing I told my mom, I hadn't even told her about having it before. "I basically got dumped and no one is ever going to want me. ever." is basically what I said in my dramatic little moment.

 

So now I look forward to getting over this guy that I had really started to like and see something with and also the idea of this happening allll over again.

 

How do I find the courage to try again?

[Amillionthings]

Really big hug from me x

[alex08]

Don't be discouraged! More people than you know already have it. Would you try a herpes dating site? I always think that's what I'll do if I'm ever single again. Telling is always a horrible experience but most stories I've read on here are positive! You should read a few :-)

[hope42morrow]

I'm sorry you got hurt. Rejection sucks... But, you survived it. The thing you were most afraid of. So what now?

Well, first, if this were me, I would take a serious "down day". Sweats, t-shirt, Ben and Jerry's, and marathon tv. Oh, and wine. Lots of it. Distraction. Oh, and stay away from the internet. Do not let yourself research topics like "rejected with herpes" (I, unfortunately, speak from experience). Get some sleep. Wake up tomorrow and take a deep breath. And start again. You have to. Why?

Because rejection is a guarantee in life. In relationships, jobs, etc. But so is acceptance. The law of averages is on your side. Not everyone will reject you. I promise. But I know how hard it is. And take a look at this guy. What about him did you not like? We, as humans, give so much of our power away. Take it back. "Lets be friends", I hate that response. I am mentally smacking him for you.

Keep your head up. And never, ever, lower your standards....

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

You're not alone. I am going through sonething similar. Thankfully dancer was here to support me the other night and you're at a good place for support. while there may be no magic words to take away the sting of rejection it helps to know you're not alone

[whymegirl]

Thanks everyone. It helps to know im not alone!

Especially thanks @hope42morrow that made me laugh out loud. Especially since thats exactly what I did today. Nada!

And yeah I kind of just want to grab him, shake him, and say what are you thinking???? But.. I wont. Mentally smacking will have to suffice.

 

Good luck with whatever it is you have going on right now @peachyogurtisawesome

[whymegirl]

@alex08 I have signed up for positive singles.com but I dont live near any big cities.. vancouver bc is about 4 hours away. So the options are pretty limited! I wasnt too impressed after browsing haha

[hope42morrow]

I'm really, really happy I got a laugh out of you. That actually made my day. And I didn't want to give the advice of "weeding out the one's not right for you", etc. Although there is a lot of truth to that. But it's not what you need to hear today. Just, every time that man's face enters your mind, give him a huge clown nose, massive eyebrows, and a good slap... Always makes me feel better.

[whymegirl]

Youre so spot on! Exactly what I dont want to hear because (pathetic moment ahead) I still kind of hope he changes his mind. Ugh! @hope42morrow

But I know the likelihood of that is pretty slim.

[hope42morrow]

That's not pathetic, that's human. And I would be hoping for exactly the same thing..... If it happens it does. But don't put your life on hold for it. Not for one second... It's cliché, but you deserve nothing but the best. Someone that will hold and cherish you for the amazing gift that you are. Don't wait for the man who needs to "change his mind". Wait for the man who knows.

[whymegirl]

You are so awesome! This has really made me feel a lot better. Id love a friend like you. :) @hope42morrow

[WCSDancer2010]

@Hope42tommow...

 

Thank you for that - I got a laugh out of it too...

 

And I will say, at this stage, perhaps H did you a favor ... men are often being led into relationships for the "wrong" reasons ... they are so keen to get "into" you, they don't stop to think if they are into YOU. (Believe it or not, men...like us... also just don't want to be alone...but they have even more hormones that cloud their judgement than we do :p ) So they get physical and THEN think about whether they really want to be there. (Take it from someone who has had THREE of these"false starts" in the last year alone. :( )

 

By disclosing, it's like dousing cold water on them. They wake up out of their testosterone-induced fog and if they are REALLY into you, they will be there 110%. But if they are not... well, they will choose the "friends" option. Some may be influenced by Dr Google too... or friends... but for me, if they let those things influence them, I'm just as happy to let them walk.

 

@whyme ...

 

you will get through this ... rejections sucks no matter how you look at it. But don't take it personally. You WILL find someone who will love you no matter what.... you will see the difference between that man and this last guy when it happens, and you will thank your luck H that you got away from that one.

 

Oh - and regarding Herpes dating sites... use them if you need to to get back in the dating world...but honestly, don't limit yourself to them. Very few people with H are on them ... something like 4% of the population .. so it REALLY limits how many people are available to you. I'm on Pos Singles, OK Cupid, and POF. I actually have my H status on ALL the sites and it's not stopping me from getting contacted by H- men. I actually just had lunch today with a guy who got throat cancer from HPV ... he's been through the ringer thanks to the CDC not telling people about that possibility.... and he really appreciated my honesty (which is what they all tell me).

 

So don't give up. You WILL find love. Be patient with yourself. And for now, get out that Ben and Jerrys ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[hope42morrow]

@WCS.... Your advice is always so right on. Priceless. Sorry about those false starts. (I am currently mentally slapping and body slamming each one of them....). That happened to me more than once pre-H. After a few weeks, romps in bed, they decide we're "on different paths", or "our schedules are too different/busy", etc. Dating is, well it can be, such a nightmare. And so hard to judge the characters/intentions of others. Big hugs and lots of love from me....

 

@whyme... I am so glad I made you feel better. I hope you're feeling even better today. And you do have a friend in me....

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm ok with the false starts. Every one was a learning experience (one coulda been a Soap Opera... honest...it got rather amusing actually). The last one was my "best ever" rejection.... I finally got to a place where I allowed myself to cry myself dry, then fixed my make-up and went out dancing. It was very liberating... I have finally got to a place where I am ok with someone walking away.... AND, that "rejection" is what caused me to come out of the Herpes closet. ;)

 

[whymegirl]

Haha I love it! Might think about going out dancing if there is a next time!