2nd herpes disclosure and rejected again

[prettycute77]

I haven't been on here in awhile. I posted awhile back about disclosing to someone and how well he took it, unfortunately he decided a week later that it was not something he could live with. Hit a low and it took me awhile to get back on track, and I did. Now I am in the same boat. Just disclosed over the weekend to someone new, we had been dating for almost 2 months and I was ready to have the talk. He just called me today to tell me he is really bummed because he liked me a lot but he cannot get past my H. I feel so discouraged, I honestly don't know if I can do this again. What I can say is I was very confident on the phone while he told me this, even though I was dying on the inside. I hear all these success stories but I feel it may not happen for me. I don't like to be a negative person and need to be talked off the edge.....I feel alone today.

[HerryTheHerp]

Hey Cutey,

 

I'm so sorry, and you're not alone. Not by a longshot. Feel that big warm feeling in your heart right now? That's me giving you a big hug and saying it's going to be ok.

 

77? Is that a reference to your birth year? If it is, we've got that in common. It was a good year to be born. Music sucked, but hey, it was the 70's right? :)

 

So, the guy couldn't get past the H? Well, his loss. I know that sounds pithy, but look at it objectively. H is a skin condition. When we get older, we face everything from cancer to Alzheimer's. At this stage in the game, do you really want a guy who's gonna bail over a skin condition? I don't. Well, I don't want a guy, but you get the idea. I want someone who is going to recite Churchill and storm the ramparts by my side. Don't you?

 

You can do it again, and again, and again. Why? Because finding a partner for life is about finding someone who won't bail on the little things. Finding a partner for life is about finding that one person in the world who's got your back no matter what life throws your way. That's the guy you want to find. That's the guy you want to give your love and your heart to.

 

 

[willow]

Hang in there prettycute77!

Acceptance stories imo are determined by the acceptance of ones self first.

If you can accept the term skin condition, rather than std, it truly does help!

What ever you do though, dont take the rejected relationship too hard to heart, it could lead to a better friendship...

sometimes you have to understand that maybe the person isnt ready to take the risk just due to their own health factors.

I mean h wont kill u, its just annoying..

But something like hiv, or aids can.. so the people they end up dating have a HUGE decision because the risk is deffinatly higher.

for me im also a smoker and ive been rejected by guys in the past just because they dont want to be around ciggaretts.. i wont date anyone if they do hard drugs...

its not them, at that point its all just about health!

xox

 

 

 

[LovesJuicy]

@prettycute77 dont give up it not the end of the world i dont kno iif you kno about the site positive singles.com try it out. i'v had H since Nov2013 I seriously thought i would for ever be alone cuz im a very shy person an wouldnt wanf to tell noone my problem tell 3 weeks ago i found a guy in my area off that site that has had H for 3 years now. I love that we can talk about it together this was our second weekend hanging out it was awesome. I hope you try it out.

[Orngpeelmafia]

It's all about delivery. When you disclose be CONFIDENT!!!!!!!!! If you act like it's nothing and be knowledgable people will follow suit. If you're afraid and insecure and let that be known things won't go so well. I didn't fair so well a couple times when single. And to be honest now I'm in this weird relationship limbo and afraid to face the dating world again but honestly herpes has never been a factor in my love life and I never will let it become one. If someone doesn't want to date me it won't be because of a stupid rash.

[WCSDancer2010]

@prettycute77

 

As Herry said, 77 was a good year (I graduated High School then :) )

 

finding a partner for life is about finding someone who won't bail on the little things.

 

Can I hear a Hallelujah and an AMEN over here???

 

So first, just a few hints on the disclosure process.

 

1) Usually they are CLUELESS - if they are H-Educated, they usually will say something like "Oh yeah, my sister has it, it's not biggie". So we have to educate them. The handouts on here are a great resource. I would also send them some links ... this site, the Youtube video Adrial just made (link below), the CDC site (being "official" it validates what we are saying on here) and tell them to STAY THE HELL OFF GOOGLE IMAGES! Let them know those are the worst case scenarios. If they want an image, Adrial has one on here too (link below).

 

2) Once you give them that, explain to them (which will be backed up in the info you gave them) that 80% of the population has is and 80% DON'T KNOW they have it, so if they are going to go elsewhere, they are playing Russian Roulette with regards to HSV and HPV because even with a condom they can get it... At least YOU know you have it, and you can take the anti-virals and pay attention to your body and do things to avoid them getting it. And that sex can get a lot more fun because you will get creative when you have an OB and find other ways to please each other.

 

3) Finally, know that if they still walk, it's not about you OR your herpes ... as @willow pointed out, it's just a deal breaker for them (I won't date a smoker or anyone with kids under college age). I'm attaching the link to my "Wing Man" blog for you to read ... in the long run, you will find that H will help you sort the guys who are not for you a lot faster than you will ;)

 

The bottom line is that this part of the dating process sucks, with or without Herpes. I had 3 "false starts" last year ... one was a cheater, one was mentally unready to date, and one was so stuck on his body image he couldn't get past the H (He was probably the best looking guy I ever dated... but if someone is that stuck on keeping their body so perfect, you can imagine what they will be to live with, so H may have well saved me on that one! :P )

 

Every time we start to walk down that road with someone, we have to do so knowing that a deal breaker may come up at any time. I just started last week with someone and I heard something about his living situation that may be a deal breaker for me (I have to get more info to know for sure). This guy *seems* at this point to be a wonderful, gentle soul who already knows about my H and who totally accepts it ... but we are in that phase of getting to know each other and honey, at 52, I ain't settling for a relationship that isn't going to be good for me .... even if he's an Adonis with a solid job and a great personality ... if he smokes or has kids, I'm out. If he doesn't have a solid job, I'm out. If he lives in the Hood and has no desire to get out, I'm out. And I'm sure he has plenty of his "deal breakers" too. And we have to get past them all to build a solid relationship. AND, Herpes slows us down a little longer so we don't just jump at the first guy who appears at first glance to be "it".

 

Just don't fall into the "he accepts me for my Herpes so I'll stay because noone else will want me" trap. That is your mind screwing with you and it's not true... there are plenty of GOOD people out there who will see that a skin condition is a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things.

 

(((HUGS))) my friend ....

 

http://herpeslife.com/pictures-of-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

[prettycute77]

Yes, I was born in 77 :). The big 40 may be here sooner then I want, yikes! I appreciate everyone's input. I woke feeling some what better but went back down hill as the day progressed. I can say that I was confident in disclosing, both times. In fact this time felt like I was reading him my grocery list, like it was an every day discussion, and I definitely made him aware that it wasn't a big deal. I did send him a text this morning explaining if he ever changes his mind or wants to become more educated to give me a call. That he is a catch and I really liked him. His response to my text "I liked you too! You're a strong woman, and a catch yourself. I really thank you for telling me." His reasoning for not wanting to continue, he is in the dark about it all. I did provide a link for him to look at and I am not sure if he did or not? My thought is he liked me but not enough to put in the effort to learn about H. I will definitely be providing more info in the future. I did tell him to NOT look at the google images, as they are worse case scenarios. Thank you WCSDancer for the links and video. I am going to look at them asap! I think it's best for me to take a break from dating. I need to get back to my happy self....I feel like I have lost some of my spark, something I really liked about myself.

[WCSDancer2010]

My thought is he liked me but not enough to put in the effort to learn about H

 

BINGO..... Ding Ding Ding ... We have a Winnah!!!!!

 

Or as Greg Behrendt put it "He's Just Not That Into You" ;)

 

Taking a break is often a good thing - I took a 3 year break and I have such a different outlook on dating. They can take me or leave me... and yes, while I have a few bad days if they choose to walk, I bounce back a LOT faster now :)

[prettycute77]

LOL, thanks for the laugh. Yes, well said...he just wasn't that into me. Bum deal but I will get back up, I have to! I am already feeling better. I need to be more consistent about logging on to this sight. Just having the support makes me able to breath again. Thanks again everyone that posted on this comment!