How did I actually get herpes?

[HowCanThisBe]

I have been trying to figure out just how I did get it. I know I'm probably driving myself crazy but I need to try and understand more to help my partner. My husband of 11 years died 4 years ago and I had no sexual contact until recently. The person with whom I was intimate is a friend of many years and I know his sexual history which was that he, until me was monogamous. I have told him now what is happening and he, like myself is absolutely floored. He's never shown any symptoms at all nor has his partner in his monogamous relationship. Yes, I feel like it's my karma that this has happened and that just makes it harder. My question is this. Could I have someone contacted this from my husband (he had shingles about 5 yrs ago but absolutely no other symptoms) and it lay dormant all this time only to be 'awakened' when I now have a sexual encounter? Seems so far fetched to me but I have to try and determine just how this may have happened. The man with whom I was intimate is supportive but mystified. I'm hurting so bad both emotionally and physically right now and trying to put pieces together. I've gone through so many of the discussion threads but haven't seen anything to address question like this. Can anyone help me re timelines and information in general?

[whitedaisies]

Generally, if you are having a primary outbreak, it occurs 2 days to 3 weeks post encounter. A primary outbreak is your first infection/exposure to the virus and tends to be the most severe.

 

It is quite possible that you have had it all this time and haven't shown any symptoms. It's also possible that your friend gave it to you and never showed any symptoms either. Lots of people have this virus and don't know they have it...that's why it's so easily transmitted.

 

So best thing for you to do is get a blood test. If you have antibodies already, you will know you have had it for a while and just showed no symptoms. If you don't have antibodies you will know its a new infection. Also, you can ask your friend to get tested to; if he is as supportive as you say, he will be happy to do it.

 

You also, could have received this from oral sex; if your new partner has cold sores (even when one doesn't appear on his lip or in his mouth), he can still shed the virus and pass it to you. So you can get "cold sores" down south.

 

Best advice is to get a blood test so you know what you are dealing with.

 

Once you have all the information, you will feel better; knowledge is power. Don't worry, you will be ok. Herpes is just a skin condition with a bad rap. And no, I don't believe it's bad karma for you! Don't beat yourself up about your transgression, you both are adults. Give yourself a hug and some compassion and feel free to post on this site whenever you need to vent.

 

Hugs to you

[msmee]

Hi I don't think there is a timeline if you were infected a long time ago. Did u have an outbreak? I have never had one but I tested positive thru a blood test so that let's me know it's an old infection. U mentioned karma? Not sure that has anything to do with it, shit happens. Hope you feel better

[willow]

I just would like to add.. hsv 1 and 2 are in the same family tree as shingles, but they are different strains...

hsv1 and 2 are herpes symplex virus wheras chicken pox and shingles is herpes zoster virus.

so if ur late hubby had shingles, u will not have recieved oral or gennital herpes symplex virus from that.

mono is also part of the herpes family but i cant remember if its a zoster virus or what...

 

As previously said u could have had it dormant for uears before ur hubby, he could have unknowenly passed it, or u could have recieved it from ur latest partner.

the more u think about it the more baffled ull become. But i understand the frustration!

 

xox

 

 

[HowCanThisBe]

Thank you so much for your words. Right now it just feels like so many unknowns and that I am overwhelmed on so many levels. I cannot believe the pain that goes with this!!!! A blood test is obviously going to be the way for both of us to know for sure. I am a mature woman who never in a million years would have thought this would happen to me but that just goes to show. The more I read the more I'm seeing that for those of us over 45 it is becoming more and more common ~ probably because we thought we had been monogamous for so many years and that it 'won't happen to me'. Big wake up call. Thank you again!

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@HowCanThisBe

 

First - hello and welcome!

 

So do you know if you have HSV1 or 2? If it's HSV1, odds are you got it from oral sex. He could well have had cold sores in the past and not known that it could be passed to a partner's genitals... and he may not even know he had it.

 

80% of all people with herpes don't know they have it. So it's possible he could also have carried HSV2 all this time and not known it. So he will need to get blood tested so he knows which one he has, IF he was the one that gave it to you.

 

AND it's possible that you carried it all this time and didn't know it either. How were you diagnosed? Blood or swab? The IGG blood test would show up as negative if you were recently exposed.

 

Initial OB's usually happen within a few days to a week or so of when you get it, but you could have sexual relations with a person for months or years and not get it until circumstances aligned and you had sex while they were asymptomatically shedding AND somehow it made entry into your system possibly through a small friction rub.

 

You should both get blood tested ... whoever is positive at this point is very likely the "giver" ... if he is H- then you need to start taking precautions to protect him...

 

Check these links out... they may help you to understand it a bit more as well

 

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

And it's not only 45+ yr olds that think that it won't happen to them, believe me.... there are plenty of 20-somethings on here :(

[HowCanThisBe]

Thank you WCSDancer2010 for your words of advice and direction. I am trying to digest everything, not panic, share with my partner so he is aware and figure out what's next. First and foremost I need to get past this horrendous OB. I am so pleased to have found this site and am trying to take in as much as I can. (I apologize also for the duplicate post ~ not sure how that happened).

[WCSDancer2010]

RE:Duplicate posts - just hit the Post button once for new discussions...it may look like it didn't go through but it did. Every time you hit the post button it sends it again :p