I didn't mean to...

[victoriaxxx]

Usually I am able to come on here and inspire people. Usually I am able to come on here, and help others. This time I need a moment to come here for me.

I am sorry I have been gone. I have been dealing with some things on my own.

 

So I recently got with a new boyfriend. Things with my ex, and I didn't work at. WC Dancer knows all about that one. BY THE WAY I MISS YOU DANCER....

This time it is the other way around. I woke up to him looking something up. He got one bump earlier, and now it has multiplied. I am not trying to jump to conclusions, but it is right on his penis. Mind you we have been using protection, and I have been taking anti-virals... but that didn't stop it. He knew about it from the get go.. It didn't stop him, but why do I still feel guilty. All those feelings of guilt, and of shame that I have shaken so fast have just came back to me. I should just stay to myself. I should just not touch anyone. I am a walking virus. I didn't mean to do this. I haven't had an outbreak in over 2 months. Yes I know about shedding... I know that it can happen any time. I have been listening to my body. My body and I have gotten to know each other better now then ever. I have had NO signs. Nothing... but still. I do this ? We haven't taken him to the doctor yet to get tested, and I know that we should test it before we jumped to conclusions. I already know what it is. I already know it is going to come back positive. I feel horrible, and I keep telling him I am sorry. He said " I chose you, and I knew from the get go what I was getting myself into, and I knew from the get go what could happen.."

[whitedaisies]

Ok so I think u need to read my post on the existence of the hsv virus. It will help u. Do a search as I am on my cell I am limited.

 

Take a deep breath, this isn't ur fault....it's no one's fault. You can't bear this burden it is not fair.

 

Be there for him as you wished someone was there for u.

 

You found someone who thought u were worth the risk and that's a wonderful thing!!!!!! Bask in the glory of that instead of feeling ashamed!!!!!

 

He will be ok just like u are ok.

 

Big hugs

[whitedaisies]

Post is called reality check- relinquish the guilt of existence of herpes. U need to read that ok?!?

 

Xo

[WCSDancer2010]

@victoriaxxx

 

Awww Chica ... chin up! And I've missed you too :(

 

First - do you know for sure he didn't have it before now? Because we all know that many times people carry it without knowing it. Given that you used a condom (as well as antivirals), if he got it on his penis, it's very, very unlikely he got it from regular sex with you. Oral sex, *maybe*. But if that area was covered by the condom, I'm not convinced he got it from you.

 

Get him swabbed AND blood tested. If he comes back H+, he's had it awhile ... you know that. AND - if he DID get it from you, he did so knowing the risk was there. He's an adult and he made an adult CHOICE to be with you.

 

Don't jump conclusions - get him tested and THEN deal with the results...

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

While this blog was written about GETTING herpes - it can be applied to anyone who manages to pass the virus on in spite of having done everything "right" to protect them

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/driving-yourself-crazy/

 

And a great quote from Unhappy1 on here

 

Look, there were 135 Space Shuttle flights, two of them blew up. That means there was a 1.5% risk of death for going up in the shuttle. No man in the U.S. would ever say no if NASA gave him a seat on the shuttle, I assure you of that! Now if he's willing to take a 1.5% chance of death for a good ride, don't you think he would take a .015% chance of a skin infection for your ride? [Risk of transmission when no outbreak, on Valtrex, and with condoms is about 1.5% per year (which includes sex 2x week for 52 weeks about 100 occurrences).]

 

So your guy knew his risks - and he still saw that with the condoms/valtrex his risk of getting H was the SAME as the risk of death assumed by the astronauts who went on the Space Shuttle ... and like the astronauts on the Columbia and the Challenger, he may have lost the crap shoot ... but I bet, from what you are saying, he'd do it all over again.... AND, he's not dead ... he just may have a nuisance virus in a really inconvenient place ... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

[victoriaxxx]

He said he could have possibly had it for a while, and that he is not going to put the blame on me.. because there is the fact that maybe he had it for a while, and didn't notice it. He could just be noticing it now, because he said it doesn't really hurt. So you know that is nice. I need to be strong for him, because I know we talked about if we freak out they are going to freak out. Even though I was crying. I still tried to be inspirational. All he said was " I knew what I was getting myself into. I also knew it was worth it."

[victoriaxxx]

I disclosed to him before we even thought about being together. Him and I have been friends for a long time. Weird thing is he knows about some of my deepest darkest secrets..

[diversgirl]

You told him. He knew the risk. He was able to choose.

What I see in you is an honorable, decent, loving, compassionate human being :)

[victoriaxxx]

Thank you love. Thank you. <3

[Yadira]

@victoriaxxx you're a beautiful person & you have done nothing wrong. Oh & I miss you!

[victoriaxxx]

I miss you too girl. I am back in Washington state now.

[lifeislovely]

@victoriaxxx It's going to be okay! He had the choice to walk away and he was willing to accept this as a possibility. I'm sure this will bring your relationship to an even more intimate level! Question: what do you have exactly? Just confused why dancer doubts he got it from regular sex but maybe oral. (unless you have oral hsv1 and ghsv1 also)

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

With a condom AND anti-virals, their risk is down to about 1%... or less... which is why I wonder more about H1 from oral...

[victoriaxxx]

Yeah, but I know for a fact I don't have HSV-1 I have GHSV-2. But I mean he is going to get checked.. He just has so much stuff to do. Like work and school.