I think I've realized what hurts the most...

[lm44]

So, I think what hurts the most is not herpes itself (minus the primary outbreak holy shiz that was painful) but how ruthless and awful I was treated by the person I contracted it from.

 

I'd like to share this with you all if I could:

 

My primary outbreak really started Sunday, July 20th I woke up with serious irritation and itching down below. At first it looked like a rash so I put cortisone cream on it (boy that was a mistake cause it only made it worse.) Throughout the day it only got worse and evolved into blisters. I knew it was Herpes when I went to bed that night,I just new it. So I woke up the morning of July 21st and decided to be a big girl and get my butt to the gyno. I was so lucky to have been able to get an appt. that day as they had a cancellation. So I went my gyno was great told me he was very positive it was herpes, he took cultures (that realllllllly hurt) and I left with a script for Valtrex and numbing cream for the pain. So as I got home after stopping at the pharmacy I called the guy I had been seeing with. He was (well is) ten years older than me & I adored him. So I called him and told him: "So, I went to my gyno today..." before I could even finish he said "let me guess they said you have herpes". He basically told me I was a foolish girl for trusting him and that it was my fault for getting it because I let him have me how he wanted. Then he hung up. He never officially said "I gave it to you" but essentially it sounds like he did. I sent him one text after he hung up and have never heard a thing from him since. So, I think what hurts the most is that I really cared for him and I know I could have loved him and then he lied and deceived me and now I don't know how in the world I will ever trust another man again...

 

Thank you for listening.

 

<3 L

[whitedaisies]

Omg I am soooo sorry u were treated this way. Big bear hug to u ok? And another one.

 

I know that it hurts worse than herpes. And it's so unfortunate that people like that are out there.

 

You will get over all this....you will....it takes time. I would suggest therapy as that has really helped me. Find someone u can confide in so u don't feel alone.

 

We are all here for u on this forum to listen to anything u have to say. Come on here anytime ok.

 

Big huge hugs!!!!!

[Unbroken]

Man, this kind of thing makes me so freaking livid. LM - it's not your fault that somebody hid this from you. He sounds like a complete scumbag. It is most certainly not your fault that you trusted somebody who didn't care about screwing you over. I know this sucks and you need a bunch of support right now, which you will get here by the way, but don't let that piece of trash cloud your view of humanity. He is NOT every man. You have every right to be angry at him. Somebody cool me off here.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Im44

 

First - sorry you had to deal with not only finding out you had herpes, but that the guy who gave it to you was such a jerk. BUT - shitty as it was that you got H from him, be glad is wasn't something MUCH worse ... and be glad that you found out what an ass he is before you got more involved. In a crazy way, Herpes did you a favor.... it helped you see him for who he is a LOT sooner than you would have if you didn't get it.

 

(((HUGS))) friend .... there ARE a lot of decent guys out there ... and with your Herpes Wingman, you will find out who is really into YOU ... rather than who wants to GET INTO you :/

 

 

[seeker]

Im44, that sucks and he was a complete dirtbag ( that is my g rated term). for me one of my biggest fears is giving this to someone else. I would absolutely hate to cause someone to go thru what ive been dealing with since being diagnosed. He was utterly wrong in not disclosing and giving you the choice, he may ( and this is no excuse) be angry still about his catching it and not working it out internally but lashing out at the world. that still doesn't change that he is human excrement.

[Lady_j988]

What an asshole, sorry he just is. I found out I had genital herpes August 8th, unlike most my symptoms were not like what most describe. It was one open sore on my outer vaginal lips, that would get irritated when I wore tight clothing. No burning, itching, no paid when peeing, would have never known it was there had I note wore some skin tight jeans to the fair.My boyfriend is negative for herpes and we've been together since 2012 and never used a condom, he's still around during which makes this a little easier. But the worse part is the side of effects of valtrex, which I was told by a RN that it can cause dry mouth, dry lips, and swollen lips that's why the they tell you to drink plenty of fluids. I guess I'm getting it 10 times worse since I go months with out drinking water! I hope things get better for you, I know I'm praying they do for me. Don't know how much more I can take of this!

[diversgirl]

I'm sorry :( I know what you're going through. Diagnosis is challenging enough, but then to find out the person who gave it to you, knew and didn't disclose is heartbreaking. In my case it was my boyfriend who knew (probably told me he loved me the same night he knowingly infected me). Before we went to no condoms I asked him point blank and he lied and said he was fine. It's a horrible betrayal to overcome. And then he dumped me and went back to his ex gf, who he had slept with when we were still together (which I didn't know at the time). So I don't know if it helps, but you are not alone. I loved him too, and to have this and go it alone, knowing that you can't lean on the one you loved.... wow, just so hard. Isolating. And trust....yes that will be harder to do next time no doubt. I haven't figured out that one yet.

 

It's been a few months since this all happened, and while some would say I should forget and move on, I can promise you I will hate him forever. And I'm good with that.

Find beautiful things in your life to enjoy, appreciate and treasure, it helps. But if you want to be angry, that's ok too. Message if you want to talk. xo

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Hmmm - hate .... you know that it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die????

 

I hope @diversgirl, you will eventually let go of the hate... because it will only eat YOU ... it's like you are giving him free rent in your head to hold onto that. Odds are he's been rejected because of H and he doesn't have the ability to deal with it so he lies in order to be "loved"...

 

Be thankful you are done with him and let it go friend... don't let him hold this power over you...

 

(((HUGS)))

[diversgirl]

Hate -- a very strong feeling of dislike

 

I hear what you're saying Dancer although I'm comfortable with the definition above. With all due respect, I think you're putting more into the word than there really is.

 

I just spent a week in Maine on a solo camp/hike/cycle/kayak trip. I've found ways to love life, breathe, smile, be independent, laugh. But do I still hate him? Yes. Does it have a power over me? No.

 

I think it's actually unhealthy not to let your feelings happen. I've given myself permission to hate him and I've been happy and OB free for the last month. Trying to stifle and push down my feelings was stressing me more than accepting my feelings. His possible past rejection is not my problem or worry. I am my focus. :)

[diversgirl]

I probably should have added I tend to being an HSP. To deny my feelings = not a good place for me. I forget sometimes that not everyone feels like I do lol

 

http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/6-signs-you-could-be-highly-sensitive-person

[lm44]

@whitedaisies @unbroken @WCSDancer2010 @seeker @Lady_j988 @diversgirl

 

I am overwhelmed by your outpooring of love and support. Thank you so much for your responses as each has made me feel that yes there are those our there (even men hehe) that I can trust, and rebuilding that trust starts here with amazing people like you!

 

Dancer is right, H is my Wingman from now on.

 

I'd rather live a life of honesty and integrity where I can provide a space for future partners or rejectors to make their own decisions, whether it is good or bad, it's okay either way because I am okay either way. H does not define me, it's just a little thing I have & that I am taking control over and managing like the responsible, good hearted, intelligent, and awesome woman I am!

 

Here is to all of us on this forum who do the right thing everyday not just for our partners or rejectors but for ourselves!

 

<3 L

[victoriaxxx]

That guy was a jerk, and honestly I am pretty sure you are better than that. I hope so at least. I hope that you can take this time to realize what you would not do. I have been open and honest about my herpes to my boyfriends, or future boyfriends. && So far I am suprised to see that most of them don't take it as bad as I thought they would. The talk... it is not as bad any more. I am just like " So you know I have herpes, and if you would like to know more about it then I am willing to share the information I know with you." I am surprised at how well they take it, it is probably because of how my body language is. I hope that you can live an honest life. I was lied to also.

 

I actually found out who it was who gave it to me. He admitted to me that it was him, and I told him that I forgave him. He never even appologized, but I still forgave him. The reason for that is because I have already got over all the hurt. I said the same thing. I said I hope you can be honest with any future partners unlike you were with me.

 

I hope things start looking up for you, and I am sorry that this happened to you.

[Unbroken]

"Here is to all of us on this forum who do the right thing everyday not just for our partners or rejectors but for ourselves!" - well put LM. Don't waste your time on jackasses, life is too short and you are awesome.